To buy a house whilst still married?

[Szeli]

Myself and stbxh have been separated 4+ years since his affair. I filed for divorce 3.5 years ago but he refused to acknowledge the paperwork.

3 years ago I got with dp, we have lived together since March and are now in a position where we could potentially afford to buy the house we currently rent. I want to get on with this ASAP as we are hoping to start ttc in spring '21 so I want the house sorted prior to a maternity period and I don't want to delay ttc as DS is already 7 and as I'm older there's more chance it could take a while.

Back story done, my parents have approached me advising I don't buy until my divorce is complete as they are worried stbxh could make a claim on my house otherwise, could he? Aibu to carry on anyway? I feel like I've already wasted years due to that dickwad and don't want to wait another 2 but is that really short sighted?

YABU - to push on whilst still married
YANBU - to carrying on trying to buy my house

If you've been separated over four years then how far off 5 years separation are you?

Would you rather pay for servers or risk him having a claim on your house? Speak to your solicitor.

@Twizbe

Divorce before TTC and buying the house.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought when a married woman has a baby, her husband is always the legal father regardless of the biological truth.

Don't make this messy, get divorced

The bit about the legal father is true, which not many people know about.

When I went for fertility treatment I was divorced, but it was the one thing the clinic checked first as in the event of anything happening to me if still married my ex would legally be able to take the baby.

Definitely get divorced first....but also get the financial order in place!

My solicitor told me yesterday that they are accepting service via email or even text message due to covid- speak to your solicitor and if they say the same strike now!!!

@Kazmerelda @LivingInTheFog @Twizbe that is absolutely terrifying. Jesus. Another frightening power men have over women.

[quote Winterwoollies]**@Kazmerelda* @LivingInTheFog* @Twizbe that is absolutely terrifying. Jesus. Another frightening power men have over women.[/quote]
Yes and no.

As others have said (and I didn't know) you can sort this out at registration stage, it's just another faff.

In most cases the child born of a marriage is the husband's (or husband is expecting to be named as such)

The scary thing is that these legal issues are not taught in schools. Just from these boards you can see how many women have no idea about the legal differences between marriage and cohabitation.

@Kazmerelda

When I went for fertility treatment I was divorced, but it was the one thing the clinic checked first as in the event of anything happening to me if still married my ex would legally be able to take the baby

If you had fertility treatment, had a baby, with new partner registered as father, then your husband would have no claim at all

If you had fertility treatment, died during childbirth, baby survived, then there would be a legal presumption that your husband was the father, but easily rebutted. It's good the clinic flagged up the issue, but would be even better if they gave correct advice !

Get divorced first..

That's good to know!

Cheers folks. The divorce issue was he didn't want to help me get my 'dirty little divorce' the whole episode of marriage was an ill thought out sorry state of affairs but there we are.

I saw a solicitor and as he didn't have a front door at the time they advised all I could do was wait, when he moved the family court advice service were more helpful but I didn't see the point antagonising him with the divorce again when I could just wait and save myself the hassle. Plus it's not the paying for the servers I have an issue with, I was told by the solicitor they would only knock on on two occasions so if he doesn't answer the door there's not much point as they don't work and they pulled the kids out of school so never leave the house - if that's not true about only knocking twice tho then I will definitely try again.

I know about the baby thing, I would be well divorced before any baby. I could file no contest in August although the ex wouldn't know I was pregnant and dp would go on birth certificate anyway but it's a valid point that too many people aren't aware of!

Can't put DP as owner, it's my deposit and I'm the higher earner but I can't get a mortgage on my own so he certainly won't unfortunately.

I really didn't think stbxh could make a claim on a house bought post separation especially as we have no financial ties at all so I do appreciate all the calls to get my shit sorted 😄 fingers crossed he signs this time!

i am not sure on divorce law but would have thought he may be entitled to claim something. Before you do anything i would definitely see a solicitor to assess where you stand then you can make an informed decision from there but please dont rush into it, i would also be conscious of letting current partner just put into their name whilst you pay as if that doesnt work you could struggle there also....Solicitor is the way forward. Good Luck x