To pay for therapy?

[herefor]

I'm a 28 year old single mum to a 7 year old girl.

I was verbally, emotionally and physically abused by my mum growing up, however, I have a great , you could almost describe it as amazing, relationship with her now.

I forgive her fully, although the scars are still there.

I hate myself, it makes me sad to write that but I do. I hate myself, the voice in my head is always negative. I'm in physical pain from my low self esteem. I can't speak in front of even a small group of people for fear of being ridiculed. I look in the mirror and want to crack it because I feel so disgustingly ugly. But not only that, I feel like my personality is abnormal, no matter how nice I am, how many friends I have, I feel like deep down I am a dirty, bad person. I feel like I am evil to the core because growing up that's all I was told I was.

My question is, I am about to come into some money (just over 5000). Would I be unreasonable to spend a couple of that to get myself some serious counselling? I've done counselling through the nhs, my mum once transferred me to her friend for EMDR , but as you can imagine since it was her friend I couldn't open up.

I broached the topic with my mum today and she was offended that I would spend my money on counselling when I have a mortgage to pay. My argument was that mental health is just as, if not more so, important that anything else.

Do it, please! It was the best money I ever spent. Find yourself a good one though, a proper psychotherapist.
Good luck!

Sorry to read about what you went through. I think you should spend your money on your mental health. It is more important.

You would not be unreasonable - but maybe your mum is not the bet audience here. Ask yourself why she even needs to know that you are having therapy? And her friend who took you on was very unethical. Therapists should not take on clients known to them socially either directly or indirectly. Poor boundaries!

Good places to look for therapists are UKCP and BACP.

www.psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist/

I am shocked that her friend took you on, that is so unethical!
I think it is a fantastic thing to spend the money on, it could transform your life. Good luck!

Yeah it was awful to be honest, I had a panic attack in her office

Keep your mum at as length here. She is both biased and has a vested interest in you NOT doing therapy.

Your mental health is more important than anything. Just make sure it's an accredited therapist who also clicks with you.

Do it for yourself, do not involve your mother in any discussions regarding whether you do or don't. I would recommend EMDR, it is very effective.

I can't think of anything better to spend it on, absolutely do it!

Not unreasonable at all, unresolved issues don't go away unfortunately so do it now whilst you are still on good terms with your
Mum!

Do it, it will be worth every penny.

I too can't believe she took you on when she knows your mum. Massive conflict of interest.
Do it and just don't tell her. My family don't know I have therapy. They'd be very judgemental if they did so I just don't tell them.

Excellent idea (although maybe your mum would like to pay for it),

Yanbu ( you don't need to tell your mum).

Do it. Literally can't express how important this is in terms of looking after your own mental health. I would do your homework and find a good one because the money soon adds up, but with the right person it's so worth it. I really believe its about finding the right thearpist for you. I've had several before meeting with my psychotherapist and whilst they were all OK, nice enough, well qualified, good reputation etc I just couldn't open up to them. My current psychotherapist on the other hand saved my life. Do it.

Absolutely do it, EMDR is an amazing tool (but her friend should never ever have offered her services!!) however I would stress that your relationship and feelings with your mother may change during treatment. I thought I had forgiven, I hadn't, the resentment and pain was obscured. I am now low contact.

Do it. Don’t tell your mother. She is not the person to help you with this. I think it would be worth every single penny.

Just to let you know that you don't have to ask your mum her opinion on anything.
I had the same childhood as you. I still struggle but had lots of therapy and now have the right boundaries in place.
Please put yourself first.

Definitely do it, but be aware that it could alter your current relationship with your mother, at least in the short term.

Might be worthyou heading to the relationships boarded looking At the statelyhomes thread there for a different perspectiveto your mum's

It's a very credible thing to spend the money on but if you have an IAPT service in your area you may be able to get something on the NHS

It's not always easy to find good therapists privately

Thank you all for the encouragement, you're all very kind yes, I am going to go for it and as most of you have said, not discuss this with my mum. I know she thinks there's better things to spend my money on but I don't ever share with her how miserable I am feeling daily. You only get one life and I am fed up of living it feeing like this.

It's not until January so I have a few months to research someone I think would work for me. Thanks all!

I don’t think your relationship with your mum is as healthy as you think it is.

Paying for therapy sounds like a good idea. Make sure whoever you choose has had training in trauma. Not all therapists do.

I would also consider making a complaint against your mums friend. Offering you therapy was very unethical. I’m sorry you had that experience.