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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick my boyfriend out of my bubble?

35 replies

glencoco · 10/11/2020 15:01

My boyfriend of 8 years and I live apart, but I invited him to form a bubble with me for this lockdown as he lives alone and I live with just my children, and he said yes. I popped in to visit him this morning and he had a friend of his round having a coffee.
He works with this friend, although not usually directly, so I know that if I say anything his response will be what's the difference?
However, I feel that having a mate round for coffee is breaking the current lockdown rules, so maybe he shouldn't bubble with me any more. On the other hand, I might be overreacting and a controlling cow, so I thought I'd brave and ask here!

OP posts:
lughnasadh · 10/11/2020 15:10

Jesus, just apply a liitle logic.

Are you going to cut off your nose to spite your face just so you can virtue signal?

Who do you think will be impressed by that?

How many of these 'I'm sticking to the rules..woe is me..everyone else is a selfish murdering idiot' threads must we have?

Original poster
glencoco · 10/11/2020 15:14

Ok. I take your point, thank you

OP posts:
Krampusasbabysitter · 10/11/2020 15:40

Ignore the ignorant and rude reply above. Your boyfriend's behaviour impacts potentially on your and your DC's health. If he isn't sticking to the lockdown rules, it's not about being moralistic but about how risk adverse you are.

picklemewalnuts · 10/11/2020 15:45

Do you think he's generally ignoring the guidance? Because while he may be able to explain a one off as 'well I'm close to him at work so there's no real increase in risk', if he's actually just doing what he wants whenever, then he's not only higher risk, he may not be someone you want as a boyfriend.

knittingaddict · 10/11/2020 15:50

Personally I would be very annoyed about this, although what you do about it is up to you.

My daughter is in a bubble with us and I expect her to abide by the guidelines. What she does within the guidelines is risky enough for us (primary aged children at school and working part time in an office and warehouse) and I would rather not add on more risk.

Cheeseandwin5 · 10/11/2020 16:04

If his friend works with him than there will be a good chance that he will already be open to catching anything he may have (or vice versa)
Sorry, am I correct in understanding that you think your BF should have no interactions at his house apart from you?
What about your kids?? Are you not letting them go to school and using the same logic. How did you travel to see him? If by car what do you do if you run out of petrol, If by bus well....
We all have to be careful, and if he was having nightly parties off course that's wrong, but seeing someone he already sees on a frequent basis or being stuck on his own, whilst you are traveling about and your kids are interacting with goodness knows who seems the height of hypocrisy and controlling

Arielsgift · 10/11/2020 16:08

Could not even be bothered to get worked up about that

RayOfSunshine2013 · 10/11/2020 16:08

I couldn’t care if he had 200 friends round personally..

The question is do you want to see him or not?

AlternativePerspective · 10/11/2020 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

katy1213 · 10/11/2020 16:13

God forbid that anybody should make up their own minds without consulting the Mumsnet COVID police.

StrippedFridge · 10/11/2020 16:16

Sounds like you are looking for a reason to take a break from him. If so, take that break and use this as your excuse even though it is kind of weak.

Hayeahnobut · 10/11/2020 16:18

The lockdown rules are arbitrary. They're only useful if you're incapable of thinking for yourself.

If your partner would see this person through work, then having a coffee together is not going to increase his risk of exposure.

If you do remove him from your bubble, remember that you can't then add someone else. This is specified in the legislation. Or again, you could use your common sense and work out what is safe for you and your family.

Leonberger · 10/11/2020 16:18

I would see my work friends outside of work. We are stuck together 12 hours a day most days plus are forced to eat together so I can’t see the difference personally.

Hayeahnobut · 10/11/2020 16:20

@AlternativePerspective Your username is rather ironic. A change to ToeTheLine might be more apt.

Arielsgift · 10/11/2020 16:22

[quote Hayeahnobut]@AlternativePerspective Your username is rather ironic. A change to ToeTheLine might be more apt.[/quote]
Grin

yvanka · 10/11/2020 16:39

The guidelines are so broad, you need to apply a bit of logic IMO. He is working with this person and many others, so what difference does this make, really?

I bet Bozza has had Dominic Cummings round for a coffee Wink

Original poster
glencoco · 10/11/2020 16:46

They are firefighters but at different stations, so don't see each other generally but may end up at a shout together, I would definitely be less bothered by someone on his watch going round.
I've followed the rules since day one, was really careful even in times with less restrictions, him going to work and the kids going to school are something that isn't a choice so I don't really think it can be compared to socialising.
I do think he shouldn't be seeing anyone in his house apart from me, same as I can't see anyone in my house apart from him. I am working from home so he is literally my only adult contact face to face but that's the way things have to be at the moment.
I am not looking for a break from him! That would make me sad, I just don't know whether to risk him coming to my house if he's not being careful. Although as people have said, there's a big difference between coffee with a colleague and a big party.
The main reason I wanted to ask on here is because he and I are very different in many ways (which is generally a good thing I think) but I am very much a stickler for rules, and he will break any rule he can just for the sake of it (not in a way that hurts anyone!)
Thank you for all your input.

OP posts:
Hesma · 10/11/2020 16:59

Is he the father of your children? If so he can have a chilcare bubble with you kids under 13 and a support bubble with anither household.

Original poster
glencoco · 10/11/2020 17:10

No he's not the father of my children, he can only be in one bubble if following the rules

OP posts:
TheGoogleMum · 10/11/2020 17:44

I'd be pretty mad too. What's the point in lockdown if we're all just ignoring the rules? I do see his point thst he sees this person anyway as a colleague but were they following rules like they would at work? Distancing and ppe etc?

Crunchymum · 10/11/2020 17:50

Do your kids go to school?

8 years and you still live apart? There is taking it slowly and taking it tortoise pace!

workhomesleeprepeat · 10/11/2020 17:55

All these threads where people ask about rule breaking and posters tell them to do what they like really give an insight into why we are still having lockdowns Smile

Chloemol · 10/11/2020 18:09

So if they are at different stations they are breaking the rules by meeting indoors

Personally I would be telling him to go back to his as he cant follow simple rules

Storyoftonight · 10/11/2020 18:30

@lughnasadh

Jesus, just apply a liitle logic.

Are you going to cut off your nose to spite your face just so you can virtue signal?

Who do you think will be impressed by that?

How many of these 'I'm sticking to the rules..woe is me..everyone else is a selfish murdering idiot' threads must we have?

I don't think the OP said anything like that. Unecessary.
flaviaritt · 10/11/2020 18:36

Ignore people on here. If he’s having people in house that definitely increases his risk compared to working with them outside. And it also suggests he might be ignoring other rules. It’s not a bubble anymore.