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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go to my aerobics class for one hour? Stupid husband :(

46 replies

SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 21:55

I have to post this as I am actually fuming with my husband (def not a dh tonight). ds is 4 months old and have started going to an aerobics class once a week to try to shed the baby fat (damn those cakes). Every time when I get home I get an earful because apparently ds cries the whole time I am away.

I said to him that he has to get used to husband putting him to bed because I need a bit of time to myself (I'm gone for an hour and 20 mins). I said to him last week that when I get home and he says that it's been that awful it makes me not want to go, this week I spent the whole time worrying about him.

ALSO the worst bit is that I know he is totally exaggerating. He said ds cried for at least 1hr 30, I was gone 1 hr 10 mins tonight. When I left ds was having a bottle and falling asleep all ready for bed snug as a bug. We have left him a couple of times with other people and they said he was good. Maybe he cried with them but at least they just kept it to themselves.

I mean I know it's hard but I need a break ffs. I don't ask husband to do any night feeds, ever. I iron his shirts, make his packed lunch and dinner. Why can't I have one hour a week to relax and not come home to a torrent of abuse???

I said to him he needs to start putting him to bed more often so ds gets used to it and he hit the roof. He started swearing at me, calling me names and when I tried to argue my case he told me to f off and get in my bath. When I tried to carry on he got out his chair and came towards me like he was going to hit me. B*stard. He wouldn't dare but I resent that he did that.

AAAARRRRGGGHHHH.

Boo hoo

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:09

OH MY GOD. Now he's on the bloody phone to his mum whinging about how hard it was to put the baby to bed.

Pass me the shotgun, I'm going to kill myself.

OP posts:
cktwo · 16/10/2007 22:10

Blimey. Is your fella always this tetchy or is it just having a new baby around that makes him fly off the handle?

Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:12

He's a real stress head. I used to be able to deal with it better but now I have another baby to look after.

OP posts:
pooka · 16/10/2007 22:13

He's your ds's dad. Being a father means, well, being a father. And that includes putting to bed and being part of your ds's life.
Sounds like he's being a bit of a twat. Is he like this often?

moopymoo · 16/10/2007 22:14

not good. think you need a whole saturday shopping trip with mates and a lunchout. just tell him you are going. and tell him he can have his mum round if he wants help some men are crap with babies then bond much better once they are little mini them. [hopeful]

cktwo · 16/10/2007 22:14

Well I don't think you're being unreasable at all.
Leave him on his own with the LO all day, then he'll be so knackered he won't be able to stress at you !!

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/10/2007 22:16

Ignorant bastard.

Who the fuck does he think he is???

Good job he's not married to my sister! She's out every night at some aerobics class or spin cycle. On the nights there are no classes on she just goes a walk!!

She also runs every Saturday & Sunday

Maybe if he knew there were women out there who were never in the house he would realise just how lucky he is with you!!

LittleMissTroubled · 16/10/2007 22:18

Does he do anything for ds, change nappies, help with feeds etc? Maybe he is just testing the water to see if he can get away with not having him for the hr, stick to your guns, dont let him make you feel guilty. Or maybe he just doenst want you to get your pre baby bod and confidence back

should try leaving him with ds for a whole day, then maybe he wont moan so much about the 1 and 20.

Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:18

Pooka, he is being a twat. He's now arguing with his mum

He's shouting at his mum. He telling her to go fuck herself.

God he's lost it. If he catches me writing this I'll be dead.

If I dissapear, call the police

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 16/10/2007 22:19

He is being completely self absorbed and childish. Show him this thread dammit!

handlemecarefully · 16/10/2007 22:20

Second thoughts - don't show him this thread!

Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:22

He does do other stuff. Although I've had to force him into not spending every minute of the waking day on his computer (we even have a rota).

He's great at all the fun stuff and gets up on saturdays to give me a lie in. He does stuff all the time but he always makes such a big deal out of it. makes me feel bad.

OP posts:
barnstaple · 16/10/2007 22:23

YANBU. Agree with everybody. Tell him if you don't have an hour a week then you'll end up committed and he'll have the babe permanently (andhave to iron his own shirts).

LittleMissTroubled · 16/10/2007 22:23

hes being a man, gobsh*te!

(i know not all of them are like that, just the ones i meet and SETs hubby by the sound of it!)

LittleMissTroubled · 16/10/2007 22:24

you think its the latter then? and maybe he doesnt want you to get your pre baby bod back??

handlemecarefully · 16/10/2007 22:28

Being charitable for a moment - perhaps he is struggling with his new role as a father?

handlemecarefully · 16/10/2007 22:28

...and doesn't know how to constructively ask for help and guidance?

Tortington · 16/10/2007 22:33

he sounds a scary man with a scary atitude.

i personally would seek external help either he needs some anger management or together you need relate.

i dont think its acceptable.

Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:36

hmc, i know i know. it's so sensitive tho. how do you offer advice and guidance without stepping on toes and making husband feel stoopid?

he said he thought the reason why ds wouldn't settle was bcos i had bf him before i left so he didn't want bottle. then his mum called so i was speaking to her and he said that was too loud so i suggested he ask his mum not to call around bedtime if he didn't want to be disturbed. so now they're having a blazing row.

he blames everyone around him. god it's so unfair. now he wants me on side saying his mum is a bitch. he has issues.

i feel like packing up and going.
if it wasn't for ds i prolly would.

OP posts:
NineUnlikelyTales · 16/10/2007 22:36

"He started swearing at me, calling me names and when I tried to argue my case he told me to f off and get in my bath. When I tried to carry on he got out his chair and came towards me like he was going to hit me. B*stard."

Regardless of what the cause of this outburst was, you both need help. This is pretty serious

handlemecarefully · 16/10/2007 22:37

Was he like this before ds came along?

Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:37

maybe relate is a good idea.
how does one get involved in anger management?

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:39

hmc, he's always been volatile. he's my best friend though and i love him so much. i feel like half a person without him. but he has the rage inside him. i don't want ds to grow up thinking it's ok to shout and swear and call names

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:42

lmt, why would he not want me to get pre baby bod back? unless he thinks i'll do a runner with my fit new bod...

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeoneElseTonight · 16/10/2007 22:44

OMG. does no one else argue with their dh/dp like this? am i completely on my own? god god god.

OP posts: