Hard situation how to deal?

[stronglikemytea]

Hi everyone, wasnt sure whether to post or not.

Basically long story short i found out i was pregnant but had spotting so had a scan booked in with early pregnancy unit. Then i had to isolate for two week due to been in contact with someone who tested positive, so my scan was moved to yesterday.
At the scan it was confirmed i had a miscarriage during my last week of isolation @ 7 weeks.

The problem i have, my best friend is days away from giving birth i am trying my up most best to be super excited for her and making sure i check in with her and ask how she is getting on.

I have made the decision not to tell her about my situation as i don't want to be a cloud over her happy and exciting moment.

I just wanted anyones opinion really, how do i get over my situation but make sure i am there for my friend? I feel terrible as my hearts breaking and i should be happy for her and all i want to do is hide away and not hear about baby talk.
Thanks for reading x

I'm sorry for your loss OP.
Possibly not the advice you want to hear but if she's really your best friend I'd tell her now. She will want to support you however close she is to giving birth and there will never be a good time to tell her.
Let her help you.

I would also tell her now. If I was her I wouldn't want you to feel like you need to keep it from me. I would rather it now than days after giving birth when all the hormones hit! So sorry for your loss

That’s crap op I’m really sorry

I don’t think there’s much you can do to get over your situation - you will feel better with time but I do think you should tell your friend. If she’a a good person she will understand why you might be a bit different around her at the moment but that you can still be really happy for her.

So sorry to hear about your loss.

It's a really tough one, you are a lovely friend and I really wouldn't know how to advise you. Are you close to her DP? Could you tell him what's going on so she knows to be sensitive towards you? Or just grit your teeth until she's through to the other side?

If I was your friend, I'd want you to tell me. I'd want to be there for you and you want to be there for her.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I agree with others though, I'd tell your friend. She will have enough people there to be joyful for her (I'm assuming that's the case). If you were my friend I would want to know to be more sensitive towards you. I'd want you to lead me in whether I share pictures or talk to you about the new arrival.

Honestly, if she's a true friend she will want to support you even if that simply means disappearing for a few weeks and not pushing her circumstances in your face xx

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't think you can be expected to 'get over it'. You have suffered a loss and are grieving. You may also be experiencing physical symptoms. Please be a bit kinder to yourself.

As to your friend, I think you should tell her. Maybe just a short text to check in, and tell her your sad news. Then say how excited you are for her, and you're sure she understands if you're a little subdued for a while. Then say you love her and that she must text you the news when she can.

Then put your phone away and rest for a bit. Acknowledge your sadness, let someone give you some loving attention.

This conversation will be MUCH easier now, than when she’ll likely be very tired and very possibly emotional in the weeks after giving birth. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️

Another vote for telling her now.

I was in a similar situation last year, I had a miscarriage and didn’t tell many people, then a friend was passing the area with her 1 month old baby and wanted to meet up. I managed it and kept a cheery face up for the visit, but crumpled into a mess afterwards.

Your friend will understand, and will also be a lot more understanding if you need to not be around her and her baby for a while afterwards.

Sorry for your loss. Please don’t hesitate to go back to the doctor is you are concerned about the management of the miscarriage.

Did you friend know you were pregnant in the first place? If so, you'll need to tell her at some point, otherwise there will be comments like 'it'll be you next' when she gives birth, which will just be upsetting for you.

Send her a text message if you don't want to talk, explaining what's happened, but say that you're still really excited for her and you don't want her to feel awkward about sharing what's happening, and photos when baby is born etc.

It will be hard but with the help of friends you can get through this x

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm on the other side of a situation like this, it is a horrible coincidence and of course, you are going to feel awful.

You don't know how your feelings might evolve over the next few weeks and months. I'd err on the side of telling her so that if you do feel bad and have to reduce contact for a while she will understand why.

I'd tell her OP. Having been on both sides of this, that would be my advice.

And also, sometimes it's okay to put yourself first. If you don't feel able to join in baby talk right now, please don't. Your friend will have support elsewhere I am sure. If you need to step back for a while, do so. It's okay to put yourself first sometimes, especially when it comes to things like this. I would understand that as your friend, and I'd want to know precisely so I didn't keep going on about the baby.

So so sorry for you loss OP, I promise you'll feel better than you do now.

Tell your friend, she's still your friend and will still be able to support you before and after her birth, but I imagine there would be questions or comments directed towards you regarding baby at the hospital. Your friend will understand and want to support you, I'm sure. It would potentially be harder on you both if she finds out in a few weeks that you had a loss without telling her.

Here if you need a chat, I hope you find peace and happiness

I think if you prefer not to tell her then fake it till you make it. I found after my MCs that situations I thought would be awful were actually not so bad once the initial meet worries were out of the way. I sort of slipped into normality and managed to take my mind off my loss and it was easier than I thought it would be. I found it easier to do that than be with the few people I had told who I felt were always looking at me, super concerned and would keep asking if I was OK which always made me cry. I did appreciate their concern of course! I also found it easier to deal with babies than pregnant women because when the baby was born it was sort of like "oh yes, that's YOUR baby and I'm waiting for MY baby". It sort of distanced things a bit.

So sorry for your loss . I think even if you do decide to tell her down the line or end up blurting it out when you see her, that's totally fine. You have to do what's right for you.

No, dont tell her, she will be worrying about losing her baby already. Tell her you don't feel so good. You'll know when the time feels right. I hope our have lots of other support, I'm so so sorry xx