Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DS back to his previous school

15 replies

starrain · 10/11/2020 10:29

Hi All, im really struggling here.

Background:
We moved house in the same town, diff area. We moved DS (6) school in year 1 last year. Dd was in private nursery at the time. Ds had lots of friends, similar mentality to his etc. He was loud and popular. He's a sensitive kid tho, so when he moved last year he was super shy struggled to make friends and now in year 2 he is still very shy and struggles to make friends. Covid hasn't helped with lockdown etc. He has come home a few times saying no one plays with him and he's tries etc. I have had convos with his teacher who has really tried and integrating him with the kids but its just not happening for what ever reason. It breaks my heart to see him like this. He literally says I play with no one at break times, never said I hate the school but I think hes putting a brave face on for us.

This school and area is known for being really good, ppl move in this area for schools. Its a feeder school. His old school was really good though, they went from needs improvement to 'good' and honestly I just felt it was more homely and welcoming. So education-wise they are both good.

Do I try and move him back? And if I do what about DD? Shes in reception and has made friends....but she literally makes friends anywhere. The new school is a 5 min drive from us the old school is a 9 min drive from us. Both in opp direction. Im confused about what to do😔. So many aspects to think about, his wellbeing, the school pickup, my DD, the feeder school etc.

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 10/11/2020 10:37

Can you keep your daughter where she is but move your son back.

Imapotato · 10/11/2020 10:40

I’m not convinced it’ll make loads of difference. He’s been away for quite some time in the life of a small child and friendships will have moved on.

At the end of the day you know your son and the schools best. So do what feels right to you, but if it was me, I’d probably try to stick it out.

Original poster
starrain · 10/11/2020 10:45

If we kept dd where she is the only issue would be school pick up. I'd have to do one and hubby the other. Depending on school timings. I dont really like the idea of separate schools. I'm not too fussed if he doesnt have too many friends, I didnt have many until year 6. But he hasn't even got 1 that he has made any kind of meaningful (as meaningful as it can be) friendship. It just makes me so sad that he must be really sad at break times. And has come home with tears in his eyes, but tries to be brave.

OP posts:
lobsteroll · 10/11/2020 10:54

It must be so hard seeing him so unhappy.

Have you encouraged any play dates? I know you can't at the moment but before this second lockdown? Over the summer hols?

It's a shame the teacher hasn't been able to integrate him a bit more, have you asked her why she thinks it isn't happening? Or could you ask her to advise what you could do next?

Like someone else said; he may have the same problem if he moves again. Does he still see/keep in touch with his old school friends?

Cluckycluck · 10/11/2020 10:56

Could you try and get a friendship started outside of school? Ask what child he likes best and speak to the mum about meeting at a park.

Meeting outside of school may have develop a friendship further and help ease him into a friendship group.

Original poster
starrain · 10/11/2020 11:15

Yea you are all right. But the problem is covid. Cant even stand around and chat after school at the moment, let alone organise play dates.

The other issue is they have staggered finish times. His is 3.05pm and dd is 3.15. They have said pick the child who is the latest finish time. So what happens is at 3.05pm he goes to a class with other random kids. We pick dd from reception at 3.15 and then pick him up

Me and DH think we should pick him up at his own time from his own class. Because this seems again very isolating for him. OH said he can chat to parents after school and make links etcetc. Do you think this might help?

OP posts:
Original poster
starrain · 10/11/2020 11:18

Also the teacher said there is a big grp of boys who play football (ds has never been into football) and then the rest of the boys, a couple of them play with girls. Me and OH have started playing more football with him and will put him in classes, he's enjoying it a lot. But yday said no one passes him the ball ;((((((. And he said he tries to ask can he play but said they ignore him, don't say no particularly but just whatever. Makes me super sad because he's such a fun playful kid

OP posts:
motheroreily · 10/11/2020 11:19

That sounds very difficult. What was the reason for changing school originally?

Bluetonic41 · 10/11/2020 11:21

Why did you move him in the first place if he was so happy and its only 9 mins away? What a shame, I would try and move him back, its heartbreaking when they come home saying they haven't played with anyone that day Sad

ittakes2 · 10/11/2020 11:25

Our nursery teacher used to say the oldest kids in the nursery are very confident - which helps as when they start reception their confidence takes a tumble. I think if he is sensitive he would have been like this in reception when things changes wherever he went. I would persist at his current school.

Gretchizilla · 10/11/2020 11:28

That's what I was thinking why change schools if the old school was an extra 5 minutes away? If he's that unhappy which sounds like he is then I'd send him back to the old school and also let your DD start reception at the old school too, at that age she will soon make new friends no problem.

ittakes2 · 10/11/2020 11:29

Also, he’s six and it’s very common for kids to say no one will play with me, pass me the ball etc. My son still says no one will pass him the ball and he’s 14 and plays for an elite football team. Kids says stuff which breaks our heart but he does need to learn how to become a member of a group and it’s much better he does this training now when he is young rather than when he starts high school.

Original poster
starrain · 10/11/2020 12:30

We moved him because we moved house and its 9 minutes now sorry but with morning traffic its like 15 min. Plus when we were both going to work ( we work from home now) the new school was better. And also its generally got a better reputation and its a really good school. I didnt take the decision lightly but everyone said 5 year olds are resilient he will make friends...and I really thought he would.
I have just rang the LEA for the old school and there's 14 kids on the waiting list! So I think we are going to have to persist. I never ask him who did u play with etcetc. I leave it all casual and like no pressure but he will come and say it to me sometimes not even daily

OP posts:
Di11y · 10/11/2020 13:21

Before the new lockdown DD was wanting a playdate with a friend that I can't see due to staggered end time. I got her to write a note to friend and added my mob for mum to contact me. Obviously can't do til December but worked well. Maybe ask teacher who he gets on well with?

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 10/11/2020 20:16

I’d move him. Are you still in contact with his old friends?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread