Feeling very left out by my in laws

[Cupcakejamlover]

To keep it short and simple: I currently live with my in laws. I was upstairs in my room watching some youtube and then went downstairs to grab some water and saw that the whole family was gathered watching a movie together. My mother in law, father in law, 2 sister in laws and a brother in law. My husband too was in the same room on the house desk doing his work. I just felt really upset that no one cared enough to ask me if i wanted to join, especially that i have arranged movie nights multiple times before and included everyone. I felt really left out and as if they dont see me as part of the family, or just did not care at all to ask me if i would like to join. I went upstairs and cried for like 15 minutes, and to be honest i dont know if im over exaggerating or if its understandable to be this upset... what would you do in this situation? Would you be this upset? If yes, would you bring it up or just say im moving out soon anyway?

I think your husband was the one who should have thought about you.

@ancientgran thanks for replying. He was doing a shit load of work and i do not blame him for not realising whats going on around him. He hadnt eaten all day let alone had any breaks so i understand that he was thinking about other things :) he also knows im not a fan of the movie they were watching anyway, but for me it was more about the principle that upset me rather than the movie itself if u know what i mean ;)

So you know not to bother making such a fuss about organising movie nights for them.. they don't see it as important and are just humouring you. So you can stop performing so much and be a bit more chill I hope.

Sorry you were upset OP - not easy living with extended family! I think it’s probably just that family don’t really ‘invite’ each other into the living room when they all live together. They likely just congregated there and assumed you wanted some time chilling out upstairs.

Move out and live in your own place.

"Movie night"? It's just watching a film on the telly not a red carpet premiere. You're really not missng much, unless Uncle Ralph emerges through the living room floor playig his Wurlitzer.

You sound like you have lovely dynamics with your in laws OP! Lucky you.

But don’t forget to take care of yourself and have your own space form to time as living with people in the same house CAN be and is daunting!

Move out soon so you can maintain this lovely relationship. Maybe move out somewhere close by if you like!

I do try to spend time with them and make game nights, movie nights etc and include everyone

Maybe they just do things differently? Maybe they “watch this film” rather than “have a movie night”?

he also knows im not a fan of the movie they were watching anyway

So it’s very possible that you were invited but someone pointed out that you’ve seen this film before and don’t like it?

If the film was on TV they might have not thought of asking you as you would have missed the start of it. They likely didn't see it as a "movie night" and just spontaneously happened. I understand your feelings though, if I came down and saw everyone gathered doing something together I might feel a bit excluded and left out.

You must have been watching tonnes of YouTube videos if you only came down towards the end of the film

If you have a good relationship, I can’t see it’s anything to worry about. From their perspective, your being in your room doing your own thing would have been a clear sign that you wanted some time and space to yourself. Nothing wrong with that at all - and it’d be to their credit if they thought that and respected your space.

I cried at adverts when I was pregnant so you are. It overreacting in my opinion 😄

I mean this kindly but this not really a normal set up living with youre inlaws then expecting a baby. They had their family.together to a movie. It would drive me nuts if one of my kids partner lived with us and I would want my space. Have you got a plan for when baby comes it sounds like the house is crowded. Personally if you're married I think you need to get youre own place.

@AllsortsofAwkward as mentioned in the original post, my husband and I are buying a house very soon and moving out before i get to 7 months pregnant. We stayed here to save up to buy our own home which was something they offered to help us 😘

Honestly, if someone did me the enormous favour of letting me live in their house while I saved to get my own place, I wouldn't be nitpicking about whether they 'invited' me to watch television with them or not.

When you say you have 'arranged multiple move nights', you make it sound like you're running a local cinema club or something, rather than telling someone that Die Hard is on Channel 4 or putting on Netflix!

He was doing a shit load of work and i do not blame him for not realising whats going on around him. He hadnt eaten all day let alone had any breaks Poor bloke, he's working so hard he hasn't had anything to eat in a house with his wife/parents/siblings and no one had even made him a sandwich. I think that is sadder than the film thing.

YABU. I don’t make an announcement and inform the whole family every time I put a film on the telly. You didn’t even like the film, and presumably you can go downstairs and spend time with them whenever you like. I don’t see what you’re upset about

But why get pregnant before you even bought your house seems irresponsible to me. I couldnt imagine invading my inlaws space like that then add a pregnancy into the situation. I dont see how they've done anything wrong.