How to improve low self esteem

[LukeandJoe]

Mine is very low and I hate living like this. Advice please?

I am sure someone will be along soon, it is horrible having low self esteem and in my humble opinion it is usually the life that you have lived.
Please look after yourself in small ways at first and consider counselling, everyone needs someone to understand.
I like you x

sorry, I didn't mean that you are to blame, I meant it was the cards you have been dealt. A lot of women suffer low esteem but they are in no way at fault.

Be compassionate towards yourself, lots of positive thinking and doing something that gives you focus and is rewarding :)

Have you spoken to your GP- would you consider antidepressants?

Get off social media. Seeing someone’s highlight reel can make even the most well adjusted feel crap.

Fake it till you make it.

What makes you feel even a bit better? Talking to a friend? Sometimes even though it can make you feel very vulnerable, it’s good to confide in friends and get reassurance from them.

Eat well, exercise.

Hi
Sorry you are feeling low. My self esteem can be up and down though much improved generally just by getting older (and wiser?).

What really helps me is taking better care if myself physically - eating more fruit and veg, staying off the biscuits and cakes, minimal (or no) booze. Going for a long walk in the fresh air, preferably somewhere with trees and plants (park etc).

When you catch yourself down talking to yourself in your head, immediately stop. You are not your thoughts. It can take a bit of practice especially if you are habitually treat yourself this way. Show compassion to yourself, again this can take practice.

Thank you. I had quite a troubled upbringing as well as being bullied at school. I now have no confidence in myself, as a parent, at work or in relationships. I always think why would anyone want to be with me. The constant negative thoughts are so exhausting. X

What are you good at?

I think taking care of myself physically helps me a lot too. I haven't been doing that lately.

Genuine self-esteem is based on what you've achieved, and these are not necessarily things like money or a high-powered job, but often people with low self-esteem discount what they've done, see no value in it. It appears to be something learned early, becomes a habit. Im not criticising you.

Counselling could help you identify all those worthy things about yourself, give your bedrock for developing a more secure sense of you.

Sorry to hear this, I have the same thing, it's hard to shake off the constant negative thoughts in your head

Try to zone out others judgements of you. They’re just flawed human beings, their opinion is no more valid than your own.

Every time you find yourself thinking something negative about yourself, try to counter it with something positive.

I would read a few books on the subject - Confidence by Katie Piper is a good one. Try the exercises and see where it takes you.

I think one of the best tips is to start talking to yourself kindly in your head. Build yourself up instead of beat yourself up.

Wishing you all the best

Helping other people boosts my self esteem. Which probably makes me very shallow and pretty selfish tbh but it seems to be the best way of lifting myself out of a low patch.

I hope you feel better soon OP. We all think you are brilliant

I struggled for years. I have a professional qualification and my job gave me self esteem for a while but it was 'fake' and I tripped up when I got a massive ego. Underneath I still didn't like myself.
I think it's only a few years after I realised how deep was the problem with self esteem did I start to recover. I was over 40 by then
Not 100% now but much better than I was.
Yes, it's exhausting.
I guess I am saying that naming the problem is a massive first step.
I had similar issues to you in my background. It's hard to build self esteem if the people around you didn't teach you to love/respect/like yourself.
I'm not a one for self help books but Rising Strong by Brene Brown really helped me. She's a scientist, everything well researched and sensible. Nothing woo.
Therapy if you can access it. CBT. EFT. EMDR if you have trauma.

@MoiraNotRuby that's a lovely way to boost your self esteem and not at all selfish! You sound lovely 😊

Are you happy in your job if you are working? My career has boosted my self esteem as I get positive feedback on an ongoing basis and I am someone who needs that having been put down a lot as a child by my father and also as an adult by my partner. I am lucky in that I have found a job that I enjoy and that I seem to be good at, but it has kind of saved me. And I think more of myself now than I used to. I guess a hobby could work well in this scenario too.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not currently working but hoping to in the future. Raising two boys ages 2 and 4 on my own. I try my best with them and love them very much but I was depressed when they were babies and wasn't the best mum and I beat myself up for that all the time. I constantly compare myself to other parents too. Social media def isn't good for me.

I think it's important to recognise that low self esteem is not the same as lack of confidence. People who lack confidence may have a perfectly healthy self esteem, and people with low self esteem can be confident in certain situations. People are often surprised to realise that a confident seeming person has self esteem issues.

I did an exercise I read about which involved getting some plain postcards or file record cards and writing down something good about myself. This could be anything, my personality, appearance or achievements etc. I did 20-30 of these cards and carried them around with me in my bag. Whenever my self esteem plummeted I'd dig out one or two cards and random and read them. It did help.

Imagine you are your best friend. What nice things would you say? Then write them down & leave in a place you'll see them daily. Writing it gives it more 'weight' & seeing it, daily, reinforces the positives. Celebrate small successes, every small success however trivial or seemingly simple to other people, builds your inner confidence. So, being a god mum, having a roof over your head,fending for yourself etc are all achievements & not to be minimised ...

I have struggled with low self esteem for my whole life, but now I'm older I don't care so much what people think of me. The way I tend to look at it is like this: is a person more confident than me? Yes, but it doesn't necessarily make them a better person. If I think of anyone in general that I would pass on the street, it doesn't mean that they are any better than me, so why should I feel so bad about myself when we all are just doing our best to get through life. I try not to put myself down any more and its so freeing. Its taken me years to accept myself for who I am, but its who Iam. Its my life to live the way I want. If you're a decent person doing your best, then that's something to be proud of.

I need to take these tips too :-)

Do more of what you are good at, no matter how big or small, then congratulate yourself and show off to others, even if that's only your children.

I am very good at always knowing where my keys are, I know what's in the news plus some background, I always have nice makeup and I can sprint fast. When the DC were tiny and my life was thus in a small bubble those were some of the things I reminded myself I was good at and would find ways to use them and congratulate myself aloud upon them.

Worth a try.

I also recommend as you are lying in bed going to sleep think of three things you did well today. In the morning remember those three things again. Think of three things you anticipate doing well in the day ahead. It sounds cheesy but I find this works to help me gradually find my mojo.

The thrive program. I cannot recommend it enough. With a consultant going through it step by step not just doing the book half heartedly. Changed my life

CBT helped alot to control the negative/ruminating thoughts. Other than that getting so fed up that something had to change. All of what PP have said but most of all putting myself out there and realising actually people like me and I do have the social skills I thought I didn't.

You are raising two children by yourself, this takes an enormous amount of resilience, patience, organisation, stamina, financial management, resource management, planning the list goes on. I had PND so I get that guilt but honestly that was then and this is now, you will be there absolute world. They will not know that depression. Be brave, access some support and honestly it's comes together. I feel really proud of how I feel now and how much better my self esteem is. Xx

Thank you so much x