Is it me? I don’t ask enough questions apparently

[IzzyGee]

Several years ago I was very unwell. Things are going ok for me now but I have regular scans etc to keep an eye on my condition. Naturally these have slipped by 2-3 months this year. Last week I had an appointment for a scan which unfortunately was cancelled 2 hours beforehand. The hospital called at three minutes past nine, said they were sorry and I would get another appointment within the month.

Every conversation I have had with my mother since then (we speak daily) has dwelt on the fact that it was really stupid of me not to ask why the appointment was cancelled. When am I going to ring and chase the new appointment etc etc. I say it makes no difference what the reason. She says I’m wrong.....most people would ask....they have a right to know.

FFS am I so wrong? I couldn’t give a shit what the reason is.....how does that affect me?

Yanbu. Next time she asks just make some shit up. Though she might just move onto another line of attack.

Is she usually critical of you? What's your relationship like generally?

If this is unusual, is possible that she's just really, really nosey and wants to know the reason for everything and the situation is being aggravated by Lockdown?

and/or

She's been very worried about your health and this is manifesting in her feeling that you're not being proactive enough about your wellbeing?

My rotten old father would probably have a right go at me for not being proactive and asking/insisting on a reason and an immediate rebooking for the very next day. He's hyper critical, but I suspect would probably also be genuinely concerned for me and expressing it in his usual shitey way.

It wouldn't have made a difference what the reason was....the appointment would have still be cancelled. Is your mum just upset because she worries as you were so old? I'd still ring up to chase the appointment if it was me

YANBU

She sounds just like my mother.

I tell her as little as possible now because I know she'll always make a bad situation a thousand times more stressful with her "Why didn't you ask this?" "You need to demand that now." "Why aren't you doing this?" "Why did you let that happen?"

No understanding that I'm dealing with things fine and don't need her telling me what to do all the time, and that I might actually know better than her how to run my own life.

Sorry, went into a mini rant there.

I hope you're able to tell your mum everything's fine and you can deal with things. (Mine never believes me.)

Urgh I hate this. People asking why something was cancelled, rearranged, not available...whatever minor inconvenience.

I don't care. It doesn't change anything. Worse...I might have fake sympathy....don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless! But if I'm told my parcels late because the driver has the flu, do I have to go through the verbal dance of 'oh no, awww, I hope he feels better!' No...I just want to know when it's coming...

The only exception is at work - because process failures do need to be monitored and delays explained. Or when something is a complaint...you've rearranged three times now....why is this happening!

Maybe she thinks if you knew the reason you could complain. Is she a complainer?

My mother is relentless. She’s probably very driven by anxiety but it makes her very hard to be around. Her one Valium a day helps a bit. Personally I’m glad I’m more laid back.....rational. She thinks I need to be more like her......

Thank you for your empathetic responses

I think she's probably frustrated for you. If it's been cancelled because of equipment failure, or an emergency, that's one thing. If they've just cocked up and double booked, etc., then it's another thing. Perhaps she thinks that you're taking the cancellation too easily.

You sound happy to accept that your appointment has been pushed back, so just tell your Mum that you're happy.

Just a difference in personalitites OP. That's it really.

*personalities

The reason is irrelevant. She clearly needs reassurance and sounds very anxious if she’s taking Valium. I echo making up some reason (sonographer has Covid) to keep her quiet.