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Original poster

Toddler massively prefers dad :(

29 replies

NotBehindTheRadiatorPlease · 09/11/2020 16:21

Hi all. DD is almost 20 months and seems to have a real preference for her dad! She will play, cuddle ect with me when it's just us two at home, but as soon as DH gets home from work it's like I don't exist! She will follow him around, clamber on his lap, demand cuddles ect and if I try and take her off of him (if DH needs the loo or something for example) she will throw a huge tantrum!

Even if she wakes up in the night (which granted doesn't happen much anymore) she will literally push me away if I try and comfort her and want her dad instead 😭 She also seems to throw far fewer tantrums with DH than with me.

I try and tell myself that it's just a phase, or that because I'm at home with her all day I'm a bit boring and her dad is more fun and novel, but I must admit it does hurt a little that she seems to like her dad so much more! Of course it's lovely to see that DD and DH have such a close bond.

Is this normal? Did any of your little ones go through a 'only wants dad' phase?

OP posts:
BettysSpaghetti · 09/11/2020 16:23

It is very normal at that age. All three of mine when through a phase of preferring their dad.

Theworldisfullofgs · 09/11/2020 16:26

It is all completely normal. It is a phase and it will change.

Mine are more or less grown up now and I remember theses times well. In fact one then went through a phase of only liking me and it was utterly exhausting. Take the opportunity to have some time and make the most of it while it lasts!

Gatehouse77 · 09/11/2020 16:27

All of mine did. One more so than the others but it passed.
Take advantage whilst you can!

pastabest · 09/11/2020 16:30

@Gatehouse77

All of mine did. One more so than the others but it passed. Take advantage whilst you can!
Absolutely. I loved when they had these phases, I actually managed to get shit done briefly.
wherethewavesarehighest · 09/11/2020 16:30

Mine did. I was at home all day and it did upset me a bit, she wouldn't let me read her stories and didn't even want me to do her nappy if he was home.
I remember reading somewhere about them learning about relationships and at the beginning it can be very extreme swings to/away from either parent.
After a month or so she started being very pro me and then after a while she settled back to fine with both of us.
It's normal but upsetting at the time.

ineedanewbum · 09/11/2020 16:31

All of mine went through this. Currently my almost 2 year old is his dads shadow. Maybe I'm odd but I find it great. I get a break when DH comes home from work or at the weekend. Doesn't bother me in the slightest🙈😂

Leaannb · 09/11/2020 16:49

Its extremely normal. My 5yo still prefers her brother over anyone else and makes sure you know it. Whenever she wants or needs something she just calls out "My Johnny( fake name) I need or want this and it magically appears in front of her. She honestly thinks My is a part of his name and thinks he elongs to her

EatDessertFirst · 09/11/2020 16:54

Sounds totally normal but I understand how it feels like a snub. Enjoy the fact you can get stuff done and maybe drink a hot drink actually HOT! Both mine went through it.

Simplyunacceptable · 09/11/2020 16:56

Think it’s just the excitement of seeing Dad when he hasn’t been around all day. Perfectly normal.

lanthanum · 09/11/2020 16:57

Mine had a long period of preferring dad. Don't take it personally, and look at the advantages. "Who do you want to put you to bed?" was a great way for me to get a bit of time to myself, and of course DH was flattered so wasn't going to say no! I think it's balanced out over the years - nowadays it depend what she wants and which of us has nagged her most recently!

SimonJT · 09/11/2020 17:00

Its normal, I’m a lone Dad, my best friend, my sons ‘uncle’ has always been his favourite person and I don’t get a look in when he is here. He is also starting to prefer my partner over me.

I’m the constant, I’m there all the time, I’m not going anywhere. Where as they are more exciting, don’t have as many rules etc.

willowmelangell · 09/11/2020 17:02

Oh I remember the pang of this. I did the grunt work and when df came home it was smiles and laughter.
Keep mumbling that mantra, 'this too shall pass.'

ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson · 09/11/2020 17:04

I had this. DD is a total mummy's girl now at 10! It's a phase, but it's painful while it lasts. ( I was working full time so I used to look forward to seeing her when I got home, only to be pushed away when she saw me.)

Quail15 · 09/11/2020 17:06

My toddler ( 2 this week ) is the opposite and it's driving me crazy. If I go to the loo she stands outside the toilet door and screams at me 🙄
I'm pregnant and all she wants to do all day is lay on top of me. I love her dearly but I need 5 minutes to myself occasionally. She normally loves playing with her dad but in the last week I have to be in her sight at all times or she has a major tantrum. I can't wait until she goes through her stage of preferring her dad.

pallisers · 09/11/2020 17:07

It is a phase. honestly. I remember being really upset when ds1 did this. With the younger ones I was just "she want you dh!" and I'd happily drink my coffee or whatever.

firstimemamma · 09/11/2020 17:08

Another vote for normal op! My ds age 2 is obsessed with daddy and when we are both together often prefers him.

If anything it makes me laugh as health visitors told me ds would never bond with daddy because I breastfed him and cuddled him lots when he was a baby. What bollocks that turned out to be!

MuchTooTired · 09/11/2020 17:12

Mine haven’t yet, but as the preferred parent who is followed around (what feels like) 24/7 with shouts of MaMaaaaaaaaaaaaa I say enjoy it. I wish that mine would prefer their father, even for just a day! Instead, they leave him to have a cuppa in peace, and badger talk to me instead.

Lifeofftheedge · 09/11/2020 17:14

Completely normal. Mine preferred Dad for a while, then preferred me, they go through phases.

My friend's daughter took until she was 3 to warm to her Dad, wasn't a fan for a long time Grin he's perfectly lovely and loves her very much bu she would not entertain him. She's 6 now, thinks he's great.

MessAllOver · 09/11/2020 17:25

Enjoy it. Push her towards him when he comes through the door. Get a cup of tea and retreat.

DS is a mummy's boy, here, unfortunately Smile.

AmyandPhilipfan · 09/11/2020 17:35

I’m with Quail! Mine is 3 and has always preferred me. She still hates playing on her own and wants me involved in every single game. If I try to nip to the loo she cries to come too. She only likes going in the bath if I get in too. She still wakes up in the night and shouts for me to come in my bed and if her dad goes to get her she screams ‘no I don’t want you! I only want Mum!’ It would upset me but he says it doesn’t bother him though he is always happy when she occasionally reluctantly agrees to give him a hug. Now she’s older I occasionally get half an hour’s respite because she’ll go to a shop with him if he bribes her with the promise of sweets! She goes to nursery two mornings a week and loves it while there but before going in cries and says she’ll miss me! I tell myself I’ll miss it when she’s a teenager and doesn’t want to be seen in the same vicinity as me!

Corilee2806 · 09/11/2020 17:51

I could have written this post and know exactly how you feel! My daughter is two in a few weeks and has generally shown a preference for daddy for most of this year. Now it’s mainly at bed/nap time but if my DH is here (we both work but at home in lockdown) she flat out refuses me to do it. We try to alternate but it results in a total tantrum and I wonder why I’m persevering with it - I just feel guilty getting out of it every night as she can take ages to go to sleep and is in a phase of needing someone in the room til she goes! And I do find it upsetting and feel rejected - I’m pregnant at the moment so think that’s not helping.

But reassuring to hear from others it’s a phase and will try and make the most of it while it lasts!

EAEO · 16/04/2023 11:08

Hello, I was just wondering how things turned out? I’ve been going through this for what feels like months. My daughter sometimes wants to hit/bite me and then goes asking for a cuddle with her dad. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore!

Corilee2806 · 18/04/2023 23:00

Just to say my daughter is 4.5 now and as everyone said it would, the phase came to an end! She’s much more balanced now but mostly more of a mummy’s girl. But it changes all the time depending on who she thinks will give her what she wants!

MumOfOneInTown123 · 19/04/2023 06:43

Corilee2806 · 18/04/2023 23:00

Just to say my daughter is 4.5 now and as everyone said it would, the phase came to an end! She’s much more balanced now but mostly more of a mummy’s girl. But it changes all the time depending on who she thinks will give her what she wants!

How old was she when it ended? My DS is 18 months and we are going through the daddy phase too! Doesn't help when MIL makes comments on it jokedly too!

Gamingdad · 04/12/2023 00:24

Wfn dad and mom, mom is pregnant and can’t do as much so recently my 2 year old has become extremely clingy to me I have to change her dinner dinner cuddle her she chooses me 99% of the time for everything and throws a huge tantrum every time mom try’s to do something for her even if it’s cuddle her whilst I go to the loo when it’s settle down time before bed! It’s starting to get extremely exhausting for both of us, I really do hope this is just a phase