A revelation! I could argue with you but this is so much more fun...

[Fallonfairy]

DH is on the whole lovely but he has a strange habit of snapping at me over irrelevant things, out of nowhere. For instance, last night I was upstairs watching a film, he was downstairs doing something else, I hadn't seen him in over two hours, so I certainly hadn't offended him. Out of nowhere he comes upstairs and starts ranting about irrelevant (tiny) jobs that I haven't got around to doing. It is most strange and he seems to be doing it more and more.

Usually I get quite cross as I feel it's unfair and wonder why he's behaving that way. Today I changed my mindset and decided not to argue with him, just nod and agree.

It was hilarious, he didn't know what to do and was getting more and more frustrated, finding more and more things to throw at me.

A revelation - I will never waste my time arguing with him again

Well none of it actually sounds like fun but well done on taking a step back from the fighting, can only be a good move I think.

Mine used to be a little like that too and yes, it's all in the response. 'Worse things happen at sea', 'Has anyone died?' and 'Oh my god, I'm such a failure as a woman. How many Hail Marys do you think I should say?'.

He knows better now.

Yeah, ‘cos sitting there while he uses you as a verbal punchbag sounds sooo much fun. Why have you put up with it for so long? I’d be telling him in no uncertain times that I don’t get spoken to like that.

This sounds utterly abusive to be honest. You shouldn't have to put up with this, and it's not a lighthearted matter.

Your husband is a prick. Why are you putting up with this shit?

Sorry but I don’t think this is remotely amusing!
Is there a reason he hasn’t done the “niggly little jobs”?

I agree with pps. This isn’t funny and it’s not a healthy relationship where you’re having to consider how to respond to continual unprovoked verbal attacks.

I don't think it's sounds like fun either

So what are you going to do next OP?
He can start to do the 'little jobs' himself. Or speak to you like a human being

It was hilarious, he didn't know what to do and was getting more and more frustrated, finding more and more things to throw at me.

That doesn't sound funny at all.

You're obviously a bit too content and he feels the need to upset you. It doesn't change anything by you staying silent.

Yes it’s like a toddler having a tantrum - no fun /point unless there’s an audience . However if he’s often like this weigh up whether you actually want to be with him .

The OPs post could have been written by any of the DHs who were the subject of a very recent "why does my DH never do a proper job" thread though. I think we need examples! Just because the complaints are tiny and irrelevant to you doesn't mean they're not driving the other person nuts. To play devils advocate, if they're so small why didn't you just do them in the first place?

YABU to voluntarily be living like that. You are better than that

He doesn't sound very lovely to me.

Why isn't he doing these little jobs if they annoy him so much?

He was downstairs doing 'something else' - what something else?

Does he think he's doing 'chores' while you're watching a film?

If so then you need a talk about chores/leisure time

Just bear in mind, you haven’t stopped him. You’ve just given him reason to up the ante.

He's probably got frustrated with whatever he's been doing, remembered all the other frustrations he's noticed, and come upstairs to relieve himself of stress. It's a very normal dynamic, and he's probably completely unaware that he does it.

If you continue to rise above it, he'll notice his own dynamic and perhaps find a better strategy.

He isn't lovely. It isn't funny.

Are you past caring, or are you afraid of him?

Basically he's using you to regulate his emotions. Fine to an extent, but not if he's relieving his stress by winding you up.

My sister does it.

No, it's not funny at all, and yes, when he is in that mood he is vile. However, realising that instead of.winding myself up about it, I can ignore him and feel so much better, is revelation to me.

I would previously have argued and got upset about last night. I even told him that I wasn't interested in someone who did absolutely nothing all weekend's opinion.

@Fallonfairy

No, it's not funny at all, and yes, when he is in that mood he is vile. However, realising that instead of.winding myself up about it, I can ignore him and feel so much better, is revelation to me.

I would previously have argued and got upset about last night. I even told him that I wasn't interested in someone who did absolutely nothing all weekend's opinion.

Sounds like a miserable way to live your life, for both of you.

I couldn’t live with someone like that.

I've done this when DH is actually wound up about something he himself hasn't/has done and if I argue back it gives him something else to 'blame' rather than face his own mood/behaviour.

He's even said, on occasion, why aren't you angry? My response is that you're angry enough at yourself and if I add to that you can turn that anger on me and I won't facilitate that.