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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my DH "refuses" to make a will

11 replies

Kitsilano · 16/10/2007 19:55

We have 1 child and I am 7 months pg with the second. I have been saying we should have wills since before my first was born. We have reasonably complicated financial arrangements - big mortgage, 2 properties between us, several investments in both our names. My dh is working and has a high salaray, I am SAHM with a bit of consultancy on the side. My feeling is that it would be bad enough if one of us died suddenly without leaving the other to sort out a financial mess, potentially lose the house and for me to have to find a full time job with a very young baby. After 2 years of stalling we finally got a solicitor to draft wills for us but now he keeps "forgetting" to get it signed and sent back. We've had them 6 weeks now and I keep reminding him and it doesn't happen. Also he is a lawyer for goodness sake - it's not like he can't get his head around a legal document.

Maybe I am wrong to be so stressed about this - we are both fit and healthy and I am honestly not planning to bump him off!

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 16/10/2007 19:59

YANBU. You need to make wills as you know and as your DH clearly knows.

You need to have a chat with him and explore what is stopping him - I'd say there is some issue that's holding him back.

jennifersofia · 16/10/2007 20:06

Absolutely YANBU. Several months ago my multi-millionaire cousin died suddenly, he had not made out a will, all his money is probably going to his brother as he and his partner of 20 years had not been married and there is no common law where they are. His partner is now left very much in the lurch, and I am sure it is not the way the cousin would have wanted it. They didn't even have children, but it has created an unholy mess.

PieMama2007 · 16/10/2007 20:10

Sobering thought that occurred to us as we decided it was high time we made a will - what will happen to DCs if both parents die? Horrible subject I know, but not as horrible as the prospect of them ending up in care. We decided to ask family members if they would take over parental responsibilities - best to have a plan and write it in your will, especially if there is any family in-fighting and people might fight over custody.... if it's in your will it's indisputable.

Helennn · 16/10/2007 20:16

We had an appointment with a financial advisor today and he asked if we had made a will yet. We said no, it was something we kept meaning to get around to. He said to make sure we do as there is a maximum amount, (I think £125,000 but could be wrong), that would go to the remaining spouse. Any excess would be put in trust for the children, you couldn't touch it.

So it is very important, (She says to herself!!!).

Hulababy · 16/10/2007 20:18

YANBU.

None of us knows what might happen, at any time as many targic situations on MN have shown us in the last couple of years

DH is a solicitor who specialises in this area of law. It really is important to geta will done if you want your assets to go where you chose.

ChantillyLace · 16/10/2007 20:25

YANBU it's very important to have a will, no matter what your financial situation. We have no property, no valuables, no savings, I don't even have a bank account but we do
have dd3! I have asked a very good friend to have her if anything happens to both of us until dd1 has finished Uni and feels ready to take her on. I have just bought 2 DIY wills from the post office cos I would feel so much better knowing it's in writing even though I've told everyone concerned. And DH WILL sign it!!

Original poster

Kitsilano · 16/10/2007 20:56

Just spoken to him again about it as yet again he "forgot" to get his signed today. He also said he's been so busy lately (though not too busy to upadte his Amazon wishlist as I pointed out to him...). I said I was going to send my will back to the solicitor and not mention it to him again as it wasn't getting anywhere and shouldn't be my responsibility. I told him it makes me feel like he doesn't care enough about what a dreadful situation we would be left in if something tragic happened.

OP posts:

ChantillyLace · 16/10/2007 21:07

A lot of people are the same as your DH though. They think 'it eill never happen to me'. Sadly sometimes it does, I hope he gets it sorted soon.

blueshoes · 16/10/2007 21:23

kit, you are married to your dh, right? He has made that commitment already, and also had children with you, so I too cannot understand the procrastination.

BTW, lawyers are known to be one of the worst for getting their wills made.

I would press the issue, if only for your dcs. Does he have a previous partner and children?

Original poster

Kitsilano · 17/10/2007 11:44

We are married and no he doesn't have a previous partner/kids - should be relatively straightforward I would have thought.

I think he doesn't like to even acknowledge the possibility of something tragic happening and this is his way of dealing with it. But I think he needs to put that to one side because safeguarding me and his children should be more important.

OP posts:

Caroline1852 · 17/10/2007 11:53

Intestacy law basics here: www.lawontheweb.co.uk/basics/wills.htm

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