To think I am undateable ?

[PumpkinWitch]

I am the single mum of a toddler. I have him full time after leaving a relationship with his dad that was pretty horrible. When I first left I couldn’t imagine ever dating anyone ever again but now I would like to find someone.

I know that single mums do date and lots of people have found love with new partners but they have time when they don’t have their children with them to date. Because of how awful he is it is not possible for DS to go to his dad’s.

I also feel a little bit damaged by my previous experiences and I feel quite anxious about trusting men.

I know that it is not possible to meet anyone at the minute anyway but I feel like it will never happen.

Does he got I nursery or school? Could you meet people while he’s there?

Being a single mum doesn't make you undateable; it just makes things trickier. Have you got a friend or family member who could babysit your ds if you went out on a date?

It's going to be difficult if you don't have any child free time and don't have anyone who could babysit.

I think your best plan is to focus on increasing your earning potential so that you have enough money to pay for a babysitter a few times a month so that you can get a social life. Once you can get a social life outside of being a mum, you'll be in a better place and have the confidence to meet someone.

It's not an overnight plan and could take you a few years to achieve this but if you start making a plan now, at least you're moving forward and you know that it won't be like this forever.

Being a single parent doesn’t make you undateable. I was in same boat. I used to pay a babysitter to look after my toddler so I could date. It wasn’t easy, as sometimes first dates wouldn’t show up and I still had to pay babysitter etc. But it’s does get easier when they get older and go to nursery etc.
Now my DC are 15 and 11 so dating is a lot easier though being back at mine isn’t!

I do have a friends and family who could possibly babysit so that is an option. He also does go to nursery but I work full time.

I think it is not just the opportunity to go on dates but that fewer people want to date someone who has a child who lives with them all the time. I wouldn’t want to be without him but it feels a bigger ask for someone.

harder but not impossible. I dated and am now married to someone who had a 5 year old. the right person will make it work.

Probably won’t help but I’m single with 3 and a useless ex that rarely sees them. I have managed to date to be honest, and have met some lovely people but ultimately for anything more than being considered casual I’m a bad bet.

With one of you can make the time you may be ok. It is rare to find someone of child bearing age that doesn’t have them at all!

I have a friend who has 2 children full time other than when her mum has them and has had no shortage of suitors (most totally bat shit but that probably isn't the point)

Give it more time OP

Hey it is possible I was a single mum for 5 years I hadn’t really tried to date. Dc has complex health needs I am now with a lovely man who I have settled down with

Untrue so don't speak into existence

Not undateable at all. Babysitter?

I'd give yourself some breathing space. Be alone for a bit. Discover who your eand what you want. Your not undatable. Your a single independent woman with loads to offer.

It probably (definitely) is harder when you have a child, especially one of toddler age. However I did start a new relationship when my DS was 18 months old (but I did meet him at work) and he took to him as if he were his own and still treats him as such nearly a decade later. My DS has his own dad, but the bonus of a great stepdad. It’s hard granted, but it can and does happen.

I'm dating as a single mother of one, and mostly dating single dads. They get it. (not always completely get it, but it's easy to weed those out)

You just need to commit to childcare a few times to get the ball rolling. Then if it's working out really well with someone, chuck a sickie for a half day date ;-)

@Lostandconfused2561that is lovely. Where did you meet him?

I am trying to work on myself to build up my confidence. I have been invited to a lot of zoom things in the evening but I sometimes can’t even go to them because DS is a terrible sleeper.

Not in the least undateable! I was in the same position with DD from birth - her father had nothing to do with us, I worked full time from six weeks after she was born and I was overseas so no family. I didn't have the time or energy but once she was at secondary school, and I was ok about leaving her (and back in the UK), I found that there was plenty of interest. I'm still single but have had three longish relationships (none of them live-in) - I found that, after all, I genuinely prefer being single and don't want to compromise.

Your situation isn't that unusual. You have babysitters available and your ds won't be a toddler forever. Don't write yourself off. Plenty of single mums go on to have new relationships.