AIBU with nighttime bottles?

[CursesAndMagic]

I was in hospital having my second daughter at the end of September. I was in for a week. My July 15 month old baby has since been so inconsistent with her sleep. Before hospital her sleep pattern was;

7-8am wake up
11:30 nap for around an hour. Usually less
6:30 in bed.

Now she seems inconsistent in that we have;
Wake up between 6-7am sometimes later
11:30 nap for 1.5-2 hours
6:30-7pm in bed
1-3am one wake up where I’ve spent 5 hours settling her and when my partner has he’s gave her a bottle and she’s gone straight back asleep.

She self soothes and this has been around 2-3 weeks now where she just wants a bottle halfway through the night. Have gave teething stuff because she’s struggling with that. She had a week or so where she wasn’t well and was pooing several times a night which has stopped thankfully but now it is exhausting me with a 6 week old baby too. She’s been on and off for about a month. Has some nights where she sleeps 13 hours no problem and others where she’s a nightmare and up several times a night usually has a bottle once if she won’t settle. I’ve tried reducing her afternoon nap but it makes no difference and just makes her cranky in the day. I’ve tried moving the nap later and earlier and no change for nighttime. I’m exhausted. She goes down for naps and nighttime fine usually have the occasional day where she fights it so hard but always self settles. What do I do? Am I being unreasonable to think she needs the bottle in the night sometimes and give it to her or do I spent hours and hours settling her meaning we both get a bad sleep?

My partner gave her a bottle in the night when I was in hospital having our second as she struggles to settle for sleep with him
So she wouldn’t settle without it for comfort I guess. But it’s not every night and he says he has no problem feeding her but it’s annoyed me that he started in the first place. Do I admit defeat and give in or do I just stay up tonight and settle her for hours on end if she wakes?

Yes = don’t give in with bottle
No = she might need the milk

She eats okay during the day our routine is;

Morning - wake breakfast water
Mid morning - snack
Lunch after nap - doesn’t eat a lot has 4oz milk before nap
Dinner - sometimes eats a lot sometimes doesn’t
Supper - usually has a fair bit
Has 4oz before bed

I’ve never had this issue with her before. Probably stated when we dropped the afternoon bottle as she wasn’t eating any dinner.

Sometimes she will eat a lot of dinner. All supper have some bottle and be sick a lot other times she will eat lots and be fine.

Sorry for the novel just really want the whole story here for as much info as possible for relevant advice.

Any advice?

She settles within minutes with a bottle, but is up for hours without? And you have a younger baby too?

Why wouldn’t you give her a bottle? Make your life a little bit easier for now, and try weaning her off it again later on when both of them are a bit older.

You could try offering water instead of milk if you wanted to.

I'd cut out all the milk during the day for a start. Give her a proper lunch before her daytime nap and put her down for a couple of hours after lunch. Then aim for bedtime around 7/7:30. From around your DDs age if DS woke in the night we offered water only and he soon stopped waking. We also had a cup rather than a bottle though, which I suspect broke the cycle.

The advice is that bottled shouldn't be used past 12 months and to switch to a free flow sippy cup.
I think she needs to cut the milk in the day and focus on eating a bit more food. A small cup of milk at bed time is fine if she's eating. You can give yog or cheese instead.
I understand why your DH gave milk but the more you do it the more she'll wake looking forward it. Just offer a sippy cup of water and a back stroke if she wakes, she'll soon stop when she realises it's not worth it as she doesn't get milk. You'll have a few hard nights but then hopefully some better sleep.

*Bottles

I really doubt she needs milk.

She's likely unsettled by the new baby so I don't think any routine changes will make a difference. I'd give the milk for now and remove once she's settled into having a sibling.

Not sure why people are advising to cut the milk, at 15 months only 8oz of milk over 2 bottles isn’t much at all at least only half as much as they should be drinking?
Mine used to have a full 8oz bottle morning pm and night at that age I’m sure and still eat plenty. The sleep schedule also looks fine, and if you woke in the night hungry or thirsty you’d get a drink or a snack. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that but more milk before bed might allow a longer sleep.

Mine did this. I was advised to water down the milk bit by bit over the course of a few nights as they won't wake for water. Worked for me.

she may be having a sleep regression at 15 months. im pretty sure my dd had one at that age. I'd offer water instead of milk, maybe give her a bigger cup of milk before bed and a small snack to fill her up and it might stop her waking?

Well it's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world to give that bottle, and those that say not to aren't the ones sat up for 5 hours with her, plus dealing with a newborn. Do what you need to, and it'll all sort itself out in the end.

Not sure why people are advising to cut the milk, at 15 months only 8oz of milk over 2 bottles isn’t much at all at least only half as much as they should be drinking?
Mine used to have a full 8oz bottle morning pm and night at that age I’m sure and still eat plenty.

Probably because OP said:

Lunch after nap - doesn’t eat a lot has 4oz milk before nap
Dinner - sometimes eats a lot sometimes doesn’t

If she had less milk during the day, it's likely her food intake at these meals would also improve and that's quite important to achieve a balanced range of nutrients now she's past 12 months. There isn't actually a requirement for babies of this age to drink milk at all, so I'm not sure what you mean by "half as much as they should be drinking" either.

Do you think it could be the new sibling unsettling her? She definitely doesn't need nighttime milk but I don't think anyone would blame you if you gave in and did it for a while. You will have to address it at some point so do you want the battle now or in a few months? Sleep is just such a nightmare issue and I feel for you with a toddler and new born (in lockdown!) Good luck and sending strength💪

I was advised by the health visitor she should have 10-20oz. Having a bottle before lunch doesn’t affect how much she eats she can have no milk & still hardly eat. 4oz is the milk amount she maxed out at she’s never had more than that. She’s on formula until 18 months as per dieticians instructions due to suspecting cows milk protein allergy & with COVID all her appointments are rescheduled. If she doesn’t do it every night it can’t be habit right?

I did the gradually adding less milk powder to the water as well. Worked really well.
I most certainly would not faff about for hours rather than just giving a bottle.

Thank you all for your responses. I know it’s hours or the bottle that’s the dilemma. She doesn’t do it every night and had a week after I got home sleeping 13 hours solid no wake ups then her nap routine changed for some reason she went from napping terribly to napping really well. She used to fight naps. Occasionally miss naps some days and have like 30mins- an hour and now she’s having always at least an hour so maybe that’s contributing. Today she was so cranky and very tired all day despite sleeping well overnight. Awake 5-10 minutes for bottle. She’s cutting her fang. She only has bottom two fangs to go and she has her teeth. She usually wants milk overnight once or twice when teething but never this long on and off. I put teething gel on before bed as she was quite unsettled and I can feel her tooth pooping through right under the gum.