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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'll never be happy again?

19 replies

peachgreen · 08/11/2020 11:08

My beautiful husband died last week, suddenly. He was my absolute world - it was love at first sight and we were blissfully happy. Our marriage was everything to us. We were soulmates and best friends - we did everything together and were rarely apart. He was the perfect match for me and I went to bed each night thanking God that I'd found him.

All I want is to die so I can be with him. I can't because we have an almost 3 year old so I have to go on. But I can't see any way I could ever be happy again, not when I have lost someone so utterly perfect for me. I will always be mourning the life I could have had and going through the motions.

Sorry that I'm posting here. I'm so lost.

OP posts:
Redwolf1 · 08/11/2020 11:10

I'm so sorry for your loss op

Longtalljosie · 08/11/2020 11:10

Lovely - you can’t expect to be able to see a way out of this. You’re reeling and this is so cruel. Just set tiny goals. To get to the end of the day. Don’t scare yourself by thinking further ahead than that.

MigGril · 08/11/2020 11:13

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, I know I would feel the same if I ever lost DH.

Having lost someone else really close to me, you do find a way to go on. Right now your pain is raw and hard to cope with. Take each day at a time and hold on to your 3 year old. Lots of hugs xxx

LakieLady · 08/11/2020 11:18

So sorry for your loss @peachgreen. You may find more solace in the bereavement board, which is here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement

I share your pain, having lost my wonderful partner on Monday, very suddenly. At the moment, the support of his family and my friends is helping me to cope. I'm able to be thankful for the wonderful 10 years we had together, which were the happiest of all my 65-year life, but so desperately sad that he will never have the retirement we were planning for ourselves next year and that I can't face going ahead with those plans alone.

But you have your little one to think of and to be thankful. In that sense, part of your DH lives on, and he/she needs you.

Have a very un-mumsnetty hug, and Flowers .

SunscreenCentral · 08/11/2020 11:21

I’m so very sorry Flowers

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 08/11/2020 11:24

So so sorry for your loss. It will be very hard for a very long time. I’m so sorry. sending you strength. X

Serin · 08/11/2020 11:30

I'm so sorry.

This is very recent and raw.
Dont look further ahead than a day at a time.
If you are managing to get up, feed and clothe your child, then that really is an amazing achievement right now.

ReallySpicyCurry · 08/11/2020 11:44

I'm sorrier than I can say. I followed your thread when your husband was in hospital but I didn't realise he had died.

Life is just pure shit sometimes.

Happyrascalsmummy · 08/11/2020 11:48

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

nothingcomestonothing · 08/11/2020 12:00

So sorry Flowers

Be kind to yourself, let people help with anything they can, try not to look very far ahead at the moment. You cannot process what's happened or think about the future properly just now, so don't try. Know you are getting through as best you can. And it won't always feel like it does now.

Sending unMNy hugs.

GenevaL · 08/11/2020 12:13

So sorry to hear of your loss and how much you miss such a wonderful man. You’ll need to look no further than a day at a time - maybe even half a day at a time. Any further will be far too difficult for you right now.

Imapotato · 08/11/2020 12:16

I’m so sorry for your loss. Life is so cruel at times. Be kind to yourself and just take each day as it comes.

Mischance · 08/11/2020 12:18

I am so sorry for your loss and for your sadness. It really is so raw for you and such early days. I know that you are thinking ahead to a life without him - but one day at a time is really the way to go at this moment. My OH died 9 months ago and I know that raw grief that feels impossible to deal with. I found the Samaritans were good people - they would simply listen and let me grieve in a way that I did not feel I could with family, who were trying to deal with their own grief.

Let you wonderful partner live on in your son. Flowers

CoffeeAndCake3 · 08/11/2020 12:19

So very sorry OP for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. I too have a three year old and it must be unimaginably difficult for you both. Sending love and strength. We're all here for you in our little way

hardboiledeggs · 08/11/2020 12:21

I am so sorry for your loss opFlowers

FourEyesGood · 08/11/2020 12:23

I’m so sorry about your husband. Do you have support (emotional and practical) in real life?

Rainbowx · 08/11/2020 12:25

I'm so very sorry for your loss op Flowers

Elenorrigbywoes · 08/11/2020 12:38

I'm so sorry for your sad and sudden loss. May his gentle soul rest in peace. 💔

Branches1 · 08/11/2020 12:46

I am so sorry for your loss. It must be incredibly difficult. You say that all you want is to die so that you can be with him, and I can relate to that feeling. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve and don't feel pressured into 'getting over it'. There is nothing unhealthy or wrong about feeling intense grief at times like this. I hope you have people around who you can talk to, and share memories with.

This little analogy helped me when I was going through something similar. The last thing I wanted to hear was that the passing of time would make things feel easier, because I genuinely never thought it would, but this made sense to me and helped me visualise the grief process: psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-the-ball-the-box/

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