To think it's impossible to protect son from emotionally abusive father

[DespairingUser]

My husband has been emotionally abusive since our son was born - gaslighting, angry outbursts, suicide threats when I try to leave, punching walls etc.

I know I need to leave but I need support to do so to ensure our son is protected.

I have tried speaking to
Health Visitor - she came round, asked me in front of my husband to give more details on the problem, said he seemed lovely, and told me mothers can be controlling which can make fathers angry
Nspcc - they told me that I am seen to be 'protecting' our son so services like social services wont do much.
GP - she referred me to MASH who did one phone call when my husband was in the house, then closed the case without telling me.
Womens Aid - my postcode is such that one womens aid thinks I should talk to a different one and vice versa. Both will talk to me on the phone. Neither can offer additional support because I dont have the right postcode.

I know if I leave my husband will fight for custody. I know he will be emotionally abusive towards our son. I know he will get high when he is supposed to be looking after him. I know he will leave medication where our son can find it. Currently I can protect our son, to some extent, by staying. But I know I need to leave. But I genuinely cannot see how without increasing the danger for our son.

Contact DVAP and women's aid online, get any evidence of the situation you are in at the moment. Get a diary, hide it well and note anything down that happens with dates and times. Dvap are great, they really do help but sadly sometimes you need to push for it to be more immediate.
Any threatening messages or anything screen shot and save in a folder on your phone.

You could also contact police about coercive control and ask for a referral to be put in place to help you.
You need to get you and dc out first and safe, I know it's easier said than done but things will get worse if you stay. People like this don't change.
Good luck x

Cafcass website might also be helpful.

My abusive ex threatened all sorts of things but nothing so far has come of it. However he will not agree contact arrangements until the last minute and I do think if your dc are young something official in place is better. Mine are teens.

Record everything. Write down anything he does. Keep copies of any emails texts instant messages he sends that are abusive or controlling. Tell people, tell friends, send copies to trusted friends in case he goes thru your things.. tell your gp... tell your gp what he's doing and that its effecting your mental health and the gp will have to record that. You need to gather evidence.

Your GP is there to provide primary medical care so they will refer you to Social Services. They can’t fix parental issues.

You said ‘I know he will get high when he is supposed to be looking after him’. What is he taking?
I know you are concerned about the emotional abuse but do you think you’ll get more help if you put the emphasis on the fact your husband uses illegal drugs at home and when your son is present?

You are already protecting him by trying so hard to get support and help. I hope some other posters give you more practical ideas to get /keep you and ds safe but never forget that your son will grow up knowing you have his back.