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a mum rang today to ask if i would drop off her son today as she has the runs. I said No, and lied.

29 replies

charliecat · 16/10/2007 16:33

And said I didnt have enough room in the car
In my defence, I live in a village miles away....she lives on an estate where tons of the kids go to the same school, and she knows tons of the mums from near her so why not ask them?
I have done it before, but the favour cannot be returned (as i live miles away) and whilst I look after her pets while she goes on holiday she doesnt do the same for me.
I just thought fuck it, no not today.
AIBU? Probably....

OP posts:

Fireflyfairy2 · 16/10/2007 16:33

Had she another way of getting her child home from school?


charliecat · 16/10/2007 16:35

I dont was 2.15 and she had an hour to ring round.

OP posts:

meemar · 16/10/2007 16:35

Yes - if you didn't have a good reason to refuse you were being a bit selfish IMO.

Surely if one of the other mums could have done it she wouldn't have asked you?


Soph73 · 16/10/2007 16:37

Big meanie


Lulumama · 16/10/2007 16:38

sounds like you feel she takes advantage of you

and that is really why you refused!

hope she got sorted though for someone to collect her DS


charliecat · 16/10/2007 16:39

Thought so..I have also looked after her kids for full days when shes been working. Its all one way IYKWIM and today I just thought nooooo.
I actually prefer the meany feeling to the "I must have mug written all over my face" one.

OP posts:

SpookyDooooo · 16/10/2007 16:39

Blimey thats a bit mean, i would have done it & not even expected the favour to be returned.


FlightAttendant · 16/10/2007 16:42

It does sound as though it is very much a one way thing. If so I'm not surprised you got fed up with it. Friendships should be give and take I think, and if she really never helps you out in return then maybe you were right to say no this time

But I hope her Ds was alright.


meemar · 16/10/2007 16:42

Fair enough to put your foot down if you feel like she is taking advantage.

But why not be straight, or at least wait until she isn't feeling crap (pardon the pun ).

It really isn't nice having to leave the house when you have the runs.


LittleMissLeaderOfTheClique · 16/10/2007 16:47

i can understand how you feel if you have done favours for her in the past and she hasn't/can't return them. Maybe would have been better to ask her if she could ask one of the other mums who lives closer first and then offered to help if she was desperate, both you and she would feel even worse if she found out you did have room and lied about it.


DoctorFrankenSquonk · 16/10/2007 16:54

hope she's not a mumsnetter


WendyWeber · 16/10/2007 16:58

I bet you were actually the first one she asked, because she just assumed you would say yes! So she probably did ask someone nearer after that (unless she is one of those people who does this to everybody she knows )

I don't think YABU - being taken advantage of does get you down.


heifer · 16/10/2007 17:08

YABU sorry but this is someone that really needed your help today..

I can understand why you felt like you did, but I think you could have done it this time, and next time when it wasn't something quite so urgent you could have refused.

Do you ever ask her to look after your pets?

Maybe now would be a good time for you to say that you don;t want to look after them anymore, giving her plenty of warning, then maybe next time she really needs your help you won't feel so put on...


MrsWeasley · 16/10/2007 17:10

charliecat, I dont blame you! I must be a big meanie too!


cleaninglady · 16/10/2007 17:14

I used to have a similar situation and felt very proud of myself when I thought on my feet for a change and came up with a good reason not to so totally understand you saying no


feelingfedup · 16/10/2007 17:17

nope - you did completly the right thing. She obviously thinks you are a soft touch.

If you act like a doormat you get trodden on.


FrightOwl · 16/10/2007 17:24

unless there's more to the story i think you were a bit mean yes. maybe she asked you because she trusts you with her child...i wouldn't ask just anyone to pick my ds up from school purely because they live closer to me.

with the babysitting and the pets thing..have you ever asked for her to help you out in any way and been refused? if so, then perhaps not so mean.


fedupwasherwoman · 16/10/2007 17:26

Would "the runs" be so bad that she couldn't drop her son off ?

I'd have been a bit myself anyway and would have been inclined to make up an excuse. If she is being a bit of a "user" rather than a friend then it may mean she won't ask for so many favours in the future.


meemar · 16/10/2007 17:31

I think having a dodgy tummy is a perfectly valid excuse to not want to leave the house? Can you imagine being caught short with diahorrea out in public? It's not funny.

I would agree wholeheartedly with with the OP nipping the 'using' behaviour in the bud, but I think that this was a particularly mean time to do it.

Hope the woman did manage to find someone else to help.


FrightOwl · 16/10/2007 17:59

yes but is it that she "cant" return the favour...or "wont"?

daft example: a friend of mine can drive and has done us favours at times (taken my kids out for instance when i was trying to put ds's trampoline up secretly, given us a lift somewhere i couldnt get to to collect heavy christmas presents, looked after my house and pets while i went away) i ask very rarely and its a favour i "cant" return because i dont drive. i also cant babysit for her in return..she has no kids. i cant help her decorate her house (she lives with her parents, i cant look after her pets for the same reason) fact, theres nothing i can help her with really because she doesnt need help...not in a practical sense, but she knows i would help with anything if i could. if she had her own place and kids i would do just the same for her...but our circumstances are very different. the only thing she ever needed help with was emotional thing i can do, always would and always have.

thats a ramble, but i know where im coming from . i help people in the ways that i can and they help me in the ways that they can...its not always the same way.


charliecat · 16/10/2007 18:19

Theres a bit of a cant thing there, Yes I agree...but if the phone rings and its her it never anything but a Can you? Or idle chit chat, are you doing anything at the start of the week, No? oh great could you possibly... And you cant wriggle out because shes already conned you into fessing up that you are free.
One of THOSE people....
I think she would have got someone, she had an hour and there are plenty of her neighbours going to and from the school.

OP posts:

cleaninglady · 16/10/2007 19:09

oooooo charliecat has my ex friend adopted you now??!!! the conversation you just described used to happen to me on a weekly basis luckily she moved house and school - its a horrid situation i feel for you


NAB3 · 16/10/2007 19:12

Let's hope she found someone and you weren't the last person she asked. Though I can understand you saying no.


Fireflyfairy2 · 16/10/2007 19:26

Sometimes you feel put upon, I know how it is.

But in the same breath, a friend of mine picks dd up from school for me 2 days a week as I am at university. One time she couldn't do it on the Thursday as she had other plans & someone else was picking her dd up.

So I lifted the phone & called another mum that I know goes past where I needed dd dropped off at. She was more than willing & thanked me for asking her.. said she had felt left out at school due to not knowing everyone that well. We had a really good chat & found we have a lot of common interests. We have become really good friends & if she ever needs a favour & I can help her out, she just calls me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that she must class you as a good friend & really trust you with her child if she asked you before anyone else.


FrightOwl · 16/10/2007 19:36

i think its relevant also, why someone is asking for a favour. if you were being asked to pick up her ds because she was pissed in the pub then that's different obviously.

i only ask my friends for help if its something i physically cant do myself or in the case of the trampoline, she knew it was a surprise so she offered to take ds out.

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