Too see my mother more ?

[NameChangingShame]

Had a baby about 10 months ago, and since then, I've seen my mum pretty much a few times a weeks. This leads to endless arguments with my other half for not seeing his parents as much? My MIL was very overwhelming when I first had my child and words were exchanged between us about how she thought I was unfit. Since this, I have been feeling more and more judged and criticised by his family. During one comment my DP said to me to 'be careful as if his mum doesn't think I'm coping she'll use it against me'DP is completely oblivious to this and won't even listen to my side as his parents are just excited to have a grandchild🙄🙄

My mum just looks after me, makes me tea, asks how I am and is just my mum who makes me feel safe and allows me to look after my baby.

I actually really like them other than these comments and I don't know what to do for the best as I get ignored or shouted over like my feelings don't count.

Am I unreasonable for seeing my mum more? Should I say something? Help a confused mumma out please!!

YANBU. He can take the baby to see his parents if he wants. I assume you do see them, just see your mum more? If I wanted emotional support I would naturally turn to my mum rather than someone else's. My mum obviously enjoyed seeing dd but she also really wanted to see me. My mum died years ago and I still miss her - someone else's mum is not the same to me, no matter who it is.

Are you currently seeing your mum a few times a week? Are you in the uk?

Yanbu, you want to spend time with your mum. You're not just the grandchild's vessel but your own person with your own wants.
If he wants his parents to see his child more then he can get off his arse and arrange it.

@tonyunclejohnny you know some people are eligible for bubbles don't you? Do we need the fucking Covid police on every single thread?

You're entitled to see whoever you like, especially your own mom ffs! Are his parents even trying to see you multiple times per week?

You can see whoever you want as often as you like. (You'll get the usual COVID-bores on any moment to tell you can't!)
And if he wants to see his mum, he can arrange it and go on his own.

Just say that you go to see your mum to get support for yourself not to show off your baby but he can take the baby to his parents as often as he wants to.

YANBU at all. Naturally you will spend more time with your own mum, it's none of your OH's of MIL's business. It's great that you have a good relationship with your mum and she's looking after you. What is about problematic MIL's! I'm dealing with one at the moment and it's causing a huge strain on my relationship.

Of course I'm respecting the lockdown rules!! I wouldn't put my baby in danger! I didn't think I'd need to put that in!!

MIL sees baby maybe once a week, where as I'll see my mum 3/4 times a week? I don't let my partner take the baby round as MIL gets into DP head, DP comes home and tells me I should be doing this differently and that differently, and I should have more of a break from our child ect... Baby was only 3 days old when DP parents we're asking to have her over night - they also recommended I stopped breastfeeding so baby wasn't dependent on me. I feel I have to justify everything I do when I see them.

And I feel like my mum never makes me feel I'm doing a bad job, so I see her more. Sometimes it's just a cuppa tea and the baby just plays whereas at MILs baby is constantly being held by anyone other than me and if she cries, they don't had her back to me. It's so frustrating and DP doesn't see it!

Yanbu! If he wants his parents to see your DC more then he can take them or they can visit. My DM visits us on a weekly basis, or I take DC to hers and it has caused countless arguments with DH because his parents never get to see them. The fact he doesn't take DC to visit them or they don't come to us doesn't seems to be irrelevant when this conversation comes up!

I don't think you should be stopping dp from taking the baby to see his parents.

I could write your exact post OP. My in laws are really quite difficult, after a major todo during lockdown where she kicked off - I simmered my contact down to minimal and now it’s 100% up to DH.
He dislikes his own parents so they now don’t get to see DS as much, but equally if DH wants to take him then he can.

I tell myself - they’re his family not mine.

@iliketobecosy

YANBU at all. Naturally you will spend more time with your own mum, it's none of your OH's of MIL's business. It's great that you have a good relationship with your mum and she's looking after you. What is about problematic MIL's! I'm dealing with one at the moment and it's causing a huge strain on my relationship.

I have no idea!!! It just makes me what to scream, I feel DP should have my back a little more! He thinks I'm being too harsh on his parents but I don't mean to be, I just can't deal with the constant comments and literally always touching her, like ALL the time, even if I'm changing a nappy?