God, I hope she's not on here!!
EXH and I have been apart for 4 years. We were together for 12 years and we split when DD was 5. I won't go into the ins and outs of the relationship but he checked out years before the split and, while I could never prove it, I suspect he was looking around. Marriage had been rocky for a number of reasons but, ultimately, it was his decision to split.
He's always been a challenge in terms of contact and maintenance. Don't get me wrong, he's a good dad but very much of the camp that his responsibility ends the second his day is up and it has been a battle to get to the point where we are at now where DD sees him two nights each week.
He Threw strops about using annual leave to cover a portion of school holidays but is always first to 'claim' her for the fun stuff like birthdays, Christmas, Halloween etc. The man wants to make memories but not deal with the drudgery and inconvenience of day to day life (one of the many reasons we are not compatible now!). I don't let him away with this behaviour but have learned over the years when to pick my battles.
Anyhow, about 18 months on from our split, I met my DP. I was very slow to bring him into my life because of DD and he moved in with us very recently, after two and a half years together. His relationship with DD is lovely but he respects the fact he's not her dad so, while supportive of my battles with Ex, he largely keeps out of it.
I am really not sure of how many 'girlfriends' ex has had. To his credit, he's never introduced any of them to DD as they clearly weren't important enough.
He has, however, in the last few months been seeing a woman in her mid 20s.
DD seems to like her. I feel the introduction was a bit soon and unnecessary given everything else that is going on, but not much I can do about that and as long as she's kind to DD, I'm happy.
Alongside this burgeoning relationship has been a renewed interest in DD. It's nice, if a little suspect, but DD is thrilled so again I'm happy to facilitate. He's seeing her for a few extra days during the Christmas holidays which will be lovely for her.
Now bearing in mind I don't know this woman, haven't spoken to her, not been introduced, have no idea what she looks like... I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to this text I got from ex's phone....
Hi Shame,
It's X. Hope u and DD r gud. Can utell her we r lking forward to seeing her on Sunday.
(Ex) told me about Xmas plans and I now it's not really my place, but I'm concernd about how much time DD is spending at our house.
I now ur busy with work but DD needs consistency and we think the going backwards n forwards so much during the week is 2 much 4 her. I know (ex) is happy to c her so much but I think we all shud sit down and work out a plan that works for us all. I feel like I never get to see (Ex) alone anymore and I now u can understand how important 1 on 1 time is at the start of a new relationship (haha!) . Mabe we cud sit down for a coffee on Sunday?
It's wrong on so, so many levels:
- Sent from ex's number. Why do you have his phone? Also, there is ZERO chance of him ever saying anything like this.
- Is 5 nights a week not enough one to one time? They both WFH at moment too.
- Wtf does she mean by the haha? .
- The mix of text speak and formal English is massively jarring. Pick one or the other. Commit, woman!
- She wants more time to'get to know him'? She's met our child and has moved in, presumably in the space of a few months.
The best bit of all of this is that SHE thinks the additional time with DD is being driven by me when it's actually EX showboating to highlight his amazing father credentials.
It is a glorious mess and half the joy is coming from knowing that Ex is going to be so embarrassed. I can't decide what my next move should be.
Vipers, ho!