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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The OTHER black perpective. Aibu to have this conversation?

8 replies

Raceless · 06/11/2020 16:13

"No Race Has a Monopoly on Oppression" - Inaya Folarin Iman

It's long but chock full of nuggets.

OP posts:
BeeFarseer · 06/11/2020 16:19

I've not seen it, so I have no idea if you are being unreasonable or not.

I also don't have the time today to watch a 49 minute long video.

What is it about please? use your words

cartedorwhore · 06/11/2020 16:22

Please give a summary of the main points OP Smile

Raceless · 06/11/2020 19:23

Beefarseer, LOL sorry I must have accidentally knocked on your door. I don't know you but please kindly feel free to grace us with your presence when you do find the time in your very busy MN life to join this thread you were invited to, as the guest of honour. You can then judge if I'm BU or not. Thanks.

@cartedorwhore 6 minutes in will give you a quick summary of where it's headed and the comments may probably do the rest. It's a whole lot of points though and all of them were 'main points' Smile. The beauty is in watching the whole video (at your leisure) and adding your opinions if you want. If I write down quotes, I may as well not have bothered with the video and just write down my thoughts alone + I'll be leaving out every other thing said, which is equally valid.

It's nothing that hasn't really been said before, just that I prefer her delivery to, say, Candace Owen's. It's more like a reasonable discussion than a rant or a put-down.

I'll also like to say that I'm presenting this and leaving it here as 'another' black perspective rather than the 'right' one. There isn't just one, is the point of the thread.

Perhaps my opinions below will give you an idea but they don't contain everything that was said.

OP posts:
Raceless · 06/11/2020 19:25

I must say I'm not too keen on both interviewers because they have this almost-sneering manner in a way to show "See, a black woman saying something different. This is what everyone should think".

I don't agree.

As far as I'm concerned, Inaya would have said all she said alone and it'll still bear the same weight. That she's being interviewed (by them) is neither here nor there.

Personally, I agree with nearly everything she said but I have a few opinions about a few points she made.

On white privilege, it exists just as there are other kinds of privilege. I would say her example incorrectly/inadvertently cuts through ethnicity, class and education which doesn't disprove white privilege, just shows that sometimes there is more to it than just "race" and there is also always more to a person than just their ethnicity. But I cannot deny that some have experienced disadvantages due to the colour of their skin alone. If I did, I would be no different to some people who say everything someone faces is because of the colour of their skin. It can't be all or nothing.

On what she said about friendship and having the racial talk being divisive, I wouldn't say it is so completely. It depends. I would say the first question one could ask a friend of any minority class (not just race) is first and foremost, how do you feel about this or that?" and go from there. Or perhaps "How would you like me to treat you based on this or your opinion about it?"

It doesn't have to cause division or make someone feel like they have to treat someone else a certain way - good or bad. I would always ask first. People have different views and you can't treat someone based on how you think they should be or want to be treated. I know even that is a problem for some. To them, some questions are "uneducated" and deserve mockery. I mean, what is the very nature of questions? But you can't please all and shouldn't have to either.

Another thing I'll add is that I don't completely buy the "you can shape your world to your liking. If you only think it and work hard, you can be it". Yes, some can but some can't. I don't think this necessarily always has something to do with race but more some factors of life that may be working against someone. So no, I don't think everyone can be what they want to be but I also agree that 'having the talk' before a child can discover their potential is defeatist at best. Of course make them aware of what is happening in the world but not from a victim perspective.

Can you imagine having the talk with your daughter about how she is and will always be a victim because male privilege? How the patriarchy is stacked against her and she must work twice as hard to get to where boys do?
To quote a comment: "Such a great interview! I haven't had 'the race talk' with my two young black sons. I don't want to convince them that they are oppressed and therefore have no control over their destinies. I work hard and try to treat everyone with mutual respect and that's put me in good stead educationally and career wise".

Another one: Some people DO need safe spaces. I will not argue that some don't go through untold acts of racism and any other crime and that some aren't affected more deeply than others too so it isn't fair to invalidate safe spaces.

Lastly, this one isn't so much against what she said as it's a word I find a bit problematic and she reminded me of it: Tolerance. I would rather have a more accepting society than a tolerant one. We seem to be proud of our tolerance but the word 'Tolerance' infers: "I can't stand you but I'll endure it. I'll tolerate your presence. I'll be polite and smile through clenched teeth".
Acceptance is a more positive word. I know I may be overthinking it but that's how I feel about it.

OP posts:
Raceless · 06/11/2020 19:27

Oh and she's British btw, not American.

OP posts:
Flaxmeadow · 06/11/2020 19:45

OP It's nothing that hasn't really been said before, just that I prefer her delivery to, say, Candace Owen's. It's more like a reasonable discussion than a rant or a put-down

Yes I know what you mean about Candace Owen. She can be a bit much sometimes, and she talks so fast. I went off her last year when she made quite a cold hearted tweet about a distressing event in the news

This lady is more considered, has more warmth when she speaks. More approachable and laid back

I've only watched a few minutes so far, but interesting. Thanks

@cartedorwhore - Inaya Folarin Iman in the YT video is a British free speech advocate.

Raceless · 06/11/2020 20:03

Exactly @Flaxmeadow. She does come across rather cold-hearted and sneery too, as though it's about scoring points and climbing the socio-political ladder.

Yes, the lady was calm and level-headed. I didn't realise she was very young till I checked her website (Not that it matters).

OP posts:
Newrumpus · 06/11/2020 21:08

I love Inaya. She is so calm, articulate and engaging. Her clarity of thought and expression is awesome. She’s a lovely young woman who will go far.

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