When Is cheating ever ok?

[whycheat]

Please help settle an argument with DH.

Son is 7, last year in year 1 sports day, unbeknown to me, DH told DS to hold his egg with his other hand during egg spoon race. (Background, DH explained that DS was so young and clueless about rules DH felt compelled to slip him some tips )

It worked, DS got his first 1st place sticker. He came running to me beaming 'I cheated and I got a sticker '

After that i noticed DS started to sneakily flip to the Answers pages, when my head is turned to his older brother, every time he is asked to do work on his workbook.

I told him it was wrong and he kept doing it, and worryingly sneakily,

DH thinks nothing of it, he think it's life, and in sports people do cheat and if you are lucky you get away with it.

I am not sure if I married the right person now. Any thoughts please. About how I should teach my 7 year old boy.

When he was beaming ' I cheated and I won' I was with other parents and didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say there and then, he seemed so innocent and so unaware of the weight the word carried.

I talked to him on the way home, and that evening and many times afterwards but never seemed to have driven the message home.

Then again yesterday he was copying answers from the Answers page again..

It's true that people cheat, but they are normally people with no moral compass. Seems like your husband is one of those. Does he have limits on what he thinks is okay as long as you don't get caught, or does anything go?

As far as dealing with your son is concerned, just deal with any instances that arise. For example, paper clip the answer pages in his workbook closed and tell him it's because you can't rely on him not to cheat. Do that parent/teacher thing of explaining the ultimate consequences too. That it actually takes longer to learn if you flip straight to the answer so he'll just have to come back to it again and again until he learns it.

Fine- he cheats on his tests now, he gets good Grade, feels happy. But he isn't learning anything, and when it comes to real exams, he'll fail and feel terrible.
Cheats only cheat themselves!

Even in sport he'll eventually come up against opponents against whom he has no chance of cheating and lose horribly.

I'd be really disappointed in your husband and discussing this with him quite seriously particularly in reference to what he's saying to your son. Children of your sons age are very literal, very black and white!

Has husband cheated to get his job? To pass exams? Doubtful as it's fairly hard to do so.

How would he feel if he was passed over for promotion or lost his job due to another's cheating?

How is he going to feel when your son inevitably fails exams or loses sports wise because he can't cheat his way through everything?

And yes I'd be closely monitoring sons homework and giving his teachers a heads up as they may well have ways to teach him or test him that will show him "cheats never prosper" although I wish that were true in real adult life a lot more than it is!

I do think it's important to teach children to use whatever fair advantages they have for their benefit. Tips and tricks to remember things for example but no definitively not direct cheating!

Agree with @Graphista, there’s a big difference between exploiting opportunities and outright cheating. On the most basic level the risk with cheating is if you get caught you’re buggered! And no offence but it doesn’t sound like your DC has worked out how to cheat without getting caught. It’s like bank robbery, only worth doing if you’re good at it

How would he feel if he was passed over for promotion or lost his job due to another's cheating?

Like he needs to up his cheating game I imagine

That's a terrible thing to have told your kid I'd think horribly of my partner if they did that

That is really shit parenting from your dh.

Why is it cheating to hold the spoon in a different hand in an egg and spoon race?
Serious question btw

@MadinMarch

Why is it cheating to hold the spoon in a different hand in an egg and spoon race? Serious question btw

He didn’t hold the spoon with his other hand, he held his egg with the other hand- i.e. stopping it from falling off the spoon. I’m not sure how no one would’ve noticed this though 🤔

I've been a really sore loser since I was a child. I hate losing with a passion. What I hate even more though, is someone letting me win. To me, it isn't a real victory as I haven't really 'earned' it, even if it's just something stupid like a board game!

Winning by cheating is a fake win, it's meaningless because you wouldn't have it if you had done things fairly. Maybe use that explanation with him? Yes winning it great, but if you had to cheat to get it, it doesn't mean anything.

I think also your husband isn’t doing much for your son’s self esteem. He’ll never feel the satisfaction of a deserved victory and may cope very poorly with failure if he sees cheating as a legitimate course of action.

My philosophy has always been “it’s not about taking part, it’s about winning” as I’m Incredibly competitive. But if you cheat to win, you haven’t really won. You must teach your son this.

Would you put up with a partner flirting, kissing or cheating? Because you’re teaching your son that a little bit of cheating is acceptable. It’s not!