Difference in parenting

[Ltdannygreen]

Been with DP 16 years, we have a DS 12 and dd8, for the most part he’s the fun parent but sometimes he goes over the top with punishments. DS has asd and dd is a typical drama queen, I was brought up with a laid back approach but am more firm than my parents were, it’s become apparent over the last few years that he’s getting stricter and stricter over the most stupid of things. He vowed to never be like his mother who was very strict, yet he’s getting bent out of shape over the sort of stuff she punished him for. My mum provides childcare for us which he’s very grateful for, she’s more soft than me and he never has a problem with her parenting and quite frankly he doesn’t have a choice as we can’t afford other childcare, I’m at home with them more and he leaves me to deal with them for the most part whilst he does the fun stuff with them , He’s said he’s going to leave several times after we’ve argued and I’ve not asked him to stay. Sometimes I think it will be better if he goes. Anyone else in the same situation?

Your post doesn't really make much sense as you haven't given examples of where your parenting styles differ.

I meant as whole, how do other people deal with a difference in parenting

Me and DH have this problem. Over the years I had quite a few situations where the kids were badly behaved and I didn't discipline them. It caused even more problems with behaviour. Over the years and a few emberassing outings I realised that my laid back parenting style just makes my life easier. It's hard for us to agree on the rules and consequences and go through with them every single time, and every time I don't follow through and DH does, it makes his job parenting so much more difficult. He would say it undermines him, which is true.
Do you agree with your DH that DC are badly behaved at all? Do they respect him and you?

Not as a parent, but when I was a child my parents seemed in general agreement until I passed puberty, at which point my dad got much stricter and my mum stayed pretty much the same. I think that he felt threatened on some level that I was becoming an independent adult rather than a child who would blindly obey him and felt he had to retain dominance. (He also probably couldn't deal with the fact that I was going to be a young woman and might one day interact with young men, but I think overall it was a more generalised changing of the house dynamic from "couple and their pet" to "three adults").

I wonder if a similar thing could be subconsciously happening to your DH - if so, try to talk him over it as my dad got less and less able to deal with my (extremely goody-goody, law-abiding, academic) life pretty much until I got married and clearly became a fully-grown adult who belonged to a different household, and it impacted my relationship with both him (directly) and my mum (indirectly).

@LardiLaLardiLi that is one of the problems, they aren’t all that bad behaved apart from a few sarky remarks here or there from DS he usually keeps himself to himself. Dd is a bit more of a drama queen but for the most part well behaved.

I wouldn’t tolerate sarcastic backchat or drama queen behaviour either. What is he objecting to that you think Is ok?
You need to set limits together. Not label him the bad guy.

DH and I deal with different approaches to parenting by talking about it and coming to an agreement.

When we’ve still disagreed after talking we’ve gone off and researched independently and then come back together and talked some more. In one case we still disagree (how many sweets they can eat), so we’ve Basically split the difference and they get somewhat inconsistent enforcement.