To settle at 34?

[AtTheEdgesOfTheCarpet]

If I want to have kids?

I’m not sure if ‘settle’ is really the right word. It’s with someone I was previously in a relationship with for 5 years around 6 years ago.

He ended it. We got back in touch a few months ago, instigated by me. He told me last week that he still loves me, hasn’t dated anyone else since we split up because he realised he made a mistake and has always loved me.

I did love him, now I’m not too sure. I’m a bit guarded because of being hurt by him before but think I could feel the same again in time.

It was never that kind of can’t get enough of you, madly passionate kind of love. It was more safe, feeling secure and confident in how he felt about me. I’ve had the passionate feelings with someone I dated since and that ended up only lasting a few months so I’m not sure that’s any better?

I’ve been thinking about what he’s said to me all week. I can’t decide if I’d be playing it safe to give things another go with him, or hold out for someone I get that ‘wow’ feeling with.

Have you met? Had a meal together or a walk in the park? Why not just try to reconnect and see how it goes. You don't sound keen but then again if you're waiting for a Hollywood moment they don't always come! (V happy with my best friend for over 20 years)

Why did he end it?
He ended it, didn’t contact you for 6 years, and when you contacted him he realised he’s always loved you?

@MistressIggi no we haven’t met up again yet. I’m in a tier 3 area before this latest lockdown so haven’t been able to.

@TwilightSkies that was my concern too. I asked him about that and he said he didn’t feel like he had a right to contact to me since he was the one that ended it and knew how much it hurt me. Not sure if I’m entirely convinced by that answer.

Are you planning to tell him that you're settling for him? Because if you're not it's incredibly unfair to him. I'd say it was pretty unfair to you too.

A strong marriage needs a core of love. Life can be very demanding and without that core you're likely to find the marriage very hard work. DH and I adored each other and that was central to our successful marriage.

If he ended with you, and he didn't contact you, then surely you'd be worried that he's going to go again when he feels like it. I'd be worried that it would simply mean I was being used.

@PrawnofthePatriarchy I have already told him how I’m feeling. When he told me that he loved me still, we spoke about it then. He said he was willing to wait to see if my feelings developed more for him, and was happy to give it some time.

@BlueJava I worry about that too. That’s the biggest thing I’m having doubts about, that if he loved me that much he would have tried to get in contact with me before.

I dont believe he hasn't been with anyone in 6 years. And if he truly loved you he would have made an effort to get in touch. I think hes playing games a bit.

Besides that, why do you need to decide right now if you want to settle with him? Why not just date for afew months and see how it goes?

The romantic in me says you should never settle but the realist in me knows life isnt a rom com and the big exciting love you want may never happen, or at least may not happen in time for children.

It's a hard one.

I think on that basis OP, you shouldn't settle. You'll worry about it too much. Good luck for whatever you decide!

Could be that he's thinking of kids too and has decided you'll do? Works both ways...

From the little you have told us, he sounds reasonably sincere.

Go on a date and see how you feel. When you say he hurt you, was that just the break up or something else?

A wise woman once told me that if i was going to settle down for life to just to make sure its with someone who loves me more than I did him.. makes sense to me