Advice on if I handle this situation correctly with CMS

[Pebbledashery]

Hi all -
Just wanted some advice.
Ex partner has received a DoE for CMS... he's called CMS to ask them to call me to ask if he can pay me directly. Back story is we fled DV earlier this year, ex was horrifically abusive to me and DD, SS have been involved and removed both DD and I from his house and we have relocate to safety.. he had over 4 months to pay via direct pay until I notified them he wasn't paying and it switched to collect and pay but he ignored their letters to respond within 14 days .. so it went to DoE.. I was very shocked at how quickly CMS actioned it to be honest..
Anyway, EX is now going to be paying upwards of 600 a month towards DD which I know he's peeing his pants about because firstly he's initiated Court proceedings and secondly surely DoE paints him in an incredibly bad light because it's voluntarily REFUSING to pay towards his daughter and now being FORCED to pay...
So the lady from CMS rang me and asked me if I would consider switching to Direct Pay.. I said - well ex P has had over 4 months to pay via direct pay then he ignored the letter about switching to collect and pay service... so I think I am within my rights to say no, she said of course you are.. she asked if I would be willing to look at the arrears amount being revised which is £2,500... I said, to be honest i've never had that money or relied on it so it makes no difference to me.. I am not a vindictive person and I pay 100% of DD financial cost, so he has a legal obligation to pay but if it helps him to revise the amount of arrears then I would be willing to do that..
Did I do the right thing??
I'm not a vindictive person by nature and I know that it will cripple him to pay the CMS amount plus arrears.. my thought process was to show willing so I am not painted in a bad light when we go into Children's proceedings. I held firm on the DoE because it's my daughters right to have that money from him.
Did I handle it ok? SHOULD I have been more vindictive?

He is bring a vindictive bastsrd keep up the deduction of earnings who cares if he will "struggle" he should have paid it the first time of asking

I've no idea if you did the right thing in terms of SS etc sorry. Good luck to you though I'm sorry you're going through this. The best advice I can give, stop worrying about a man who horrifically abused you and DD. So what if his debt to you will be difficult and worrying to pay off, it's not your problem, you're entitled to that money, go for it all. Maybe if more men really faced the consequences of their actions they would think twice about being abusive pricks xxx

PS, I don't think it's vindictive to expect someone to pay for the upkeep of their child either 👍

There's nothing vindictive about a non resident parent paying towards their child! As for direct pay, you did the right thing. I voluntarily swapped onto direct pay & I've had a grand total of £90 this year (3 kids). He's shown you what he thinks about financially supporting his child by not bothering for 4 months.

Do not agree to direct pay. You need a DOE. I'm not going to say you did the wrong thing with the arrears, but if you had refused to negotiate the amount that would not have been looked at in a bad light in family court proceedings as it was money that you were legally entitled to.

It sounds reasonable - but don't be too gentle on him, I know from experience that's it's easy to sometimes feel sorry for the abuser's financial plight - but remember it IS all of their own making, in the end. He has had options to offer you something in compromise before now, which from your POV sounds like you would have been willing to consider at least.
Definitely direct pay. I was lucky and only had to threaten it and now he pays by dd although it's a pittance.
Good luck in court and congratulations, I'm glad you're safe now.

You're not being remotely vindictive. If he'd been paying from the beginning then he wouldn't have arrears.

Also if he's been ordered to pay £600 a month for one child then he's on a very healthy salary.

Don't revise the arrears - this is his problem that he created so it's his problem to solve. Not yours. Not your DDs.

Well done for getting away from him.

my thought process was to show willing so I am not painted in a bad light when we go into Children's proceedings.
Child Maintenance isn't considered during contact process.

You should have said you want the arrears and if you can ring up state you've changed your mind then I would.

Court and legal battles cost a lot not just in fees but in time off work, stress, travel etc.

He has brought this all on himself.

I think you were being pretty kind letting him off the arrears. It’s perfectly reasonable to say you want collect and pay considering that he’s shown no evidence that he would keep to the direct pay. I think there’s a good chance he’d do it for a few months then stop just to cause you hassle. It wouldn’t put you in a bad light; it’s money that he’s obligated to pay and if he’s paying that amount based on his earnings he must earn quite a lot of money so there’s no excuse for avoiding paying

If you don't need the money it will make a nice nest egg for your DD which she does deserve - as do you!!

Don't be described if he quits his job at some point to get out of paying and this being a reoccurring theme.

Ring back and tell them you want the arrears, that money is to bring up your child and they get more expensive as they get older. You shouldn't have been put on the spot in a phone call over it. He wouldn't have arrears if he'd paid what he owed.

I will still get the arrears, he's claiming to have sent me £140 after CMS was set up so that's being deducted from the £2500, I said I had no issues with that.. they'll revise the amount minus the 2500.
I don't feel sorry for him in any way shape or form, he has bought this on himself.