Baby and beer

[Caffeineandicecream]

Just wanted to get an idea if I'm being a dick or if you'd be seething as well... Yesterday, my brother in law was over having a bottle of beer and gave it to my 3 month old baby. My DH only mentioned this morning. He said 'What, she likes it!' When my DH told him not to do that.

I struggle with anxiety and this has my head in a mess worrying about germs, alcohol and furious that an adult would feel so entitled. I've had friends not want to hold my baby yet because of the current pandemic and yet this person thinks putting a bottle of beer in someone else's baby's mouth is acceptable. I feel like I owe it to myself and my baby to make sure he knows how I feel but also don't want to cause any family drama or come across as though I'm over reacting, as my DH thinks. He said '...she didn't drink any, just put it to her mouth.'

Do I say something? He literally pays no interest in our baby whatsoever, never held her, never so much as smiled at her. I feel like he's just done that to be a dick.

Personally I couldn’t get worked up about it. If he just held the bottle to her mouth, but she didn’t actually drink any or get any on her lips then it wouldn’t bother me. People putting beer bottles to babies mouths is something they always think is funny.

I also think there something amiss a bit about you saying you’re worried about germs / Covid etc but then also saying that people don’t want to hold your baby. Have you asked people if they want a hold? I have a lockdown baby and people have always assumed I wouldn’t want them to hold her so don’t ask. Then if I ask they say they really do but didn’t want to put me on the spot.

Sounds like your anxieties have blown this out of proportion a bit but if he doesn’t have previous then let it go

I feel like he's just done that to be a dick.

He has. He’s testing your boundaries and trying to wind you up. He’ll be calling you “mental” next.

He literally pays no interest in our baby whatsoever, never held her, never so much as smiled at her.

This is your main problem. If he no longer wants a child then you either need to leave him and claim CS, or step up and not leave your child alone with him. Unfortunately you can’t force him to be a caring father.

He’s counting on you not leaving, and knows you’ll step up and do everything to protect your child from him; this absolving himself of any responsibility.

Your husband has dealt with this. It’s his family. Leave it now.

I think Shirley has covered everything else...

If you are concerned about germs, and don’t trust his behaviour, you’ve got a really good reason not to let him or anyone else hold your baby right now.

OP is your last paragraph about your BIL or your DH?

I thought BIL. @MaskingForIt has better advice if you meant your husband.

She's talking about her brother-in-law, surely, not the baby's father!

@MaskingForIt

I feel like he's just done that to be a dick.

He has. He’s testing your boundaries and trying to wind you up. He’ll be calling you “mental” next.

He literally pays no interest in our baby whatsoever, never held her, never so much as smiled at her.

This is your main problem. If he no longer wants a child then you either need to leave him and claim CS, or step up and not leave your child alone with him. Unfortunately you can’t force him to be a caring father.

He’s counting on you not leaving, and knows you’ll step up and do everything to protect your child from him; this absolving himself of any responsibility.

I took all that to refer to the BIL, not the DH - OP said her DH told the BIL not to give the beer bottle to the baby.

OP can you clarify which one you are talking about please?

Sorry, I might have been a bit unclear- I'm taking about BIL.

Thank you for the replies.
@Shirley yes same here, I mean to say people haven't wanted to put me on the spot by going in for a hold and have been very cautionary. I'm comfortable with her having a cuddle with family and friends but its the putting dirty things in her mouth that pushes it coupled with the disregard to how we would feel about it.