To not want my DC to grow up spending every spare minute on bloody screens/games

[Zombiekids]

...Like my DSC are. Age 7 and 8. Wonderful kids but obsessed with gaming to the extent that I would call it an addiction.

When they're at home they get in from school and go straight onto a device until bed time only breaking to go to the toilet and eat.

When they come here they want to do the same. Nothing else.

Every hour spent with them consists of them gaming or them wasting rushing their dinner to get back onto said games.

Any attempt to encourage them to do something else fun or engaging is met with objection or a strop. If I can lure them away from the games for 15 minutes they get despondent and plead to be allowed back onto the devices because anything other than pixels bores them.

We have encouraged plenty of fun activities but they don't want to do any of them and instead of pushing the issue DH effectively disney dads and let's them crack on.

DH and his ex are equally to blame as neither have been proactive about limiting screen time, opting to let the children do what they enjoy "so long as they are happy"

I can only intervene to a certain extent as they're not my children so I've raised it with DH who isn't enthusiastically on board about making any changes, citing it as their "hobby" and what makes them happy.

It won't come as a surprise to you to hear that DH is himself a gamer, however he only plays for an hour or so when everybody else is in bed. I believe his ex is also into games but I don't know to what extent.

My main problem is that I have a two year old of my own who has started to show an interest in their tablet/gaming and I don't want him thinking it's normal or acceptable to be glued to a screen during his every waking moment when not at school.

Are my hands tied here?

Short of putting a ban on screens which will land me in 'wicked stepmother' territory and no doubt make me public enemy number 1 to the DSC and their mother, I don't know what to do.

I've NC for privacy reasons.

My kids get games on tap at their dad’s (gamer, I’d say addicted) and essentially go cold turkey at mine even though I have to listen to game chat incessantly for a bit. Occasionally I think about buying a console to match what they have but I’d lose them properly.
I’m not sure what you can do as stepmum, maybe have a look at Time Tokens and give them a shot.

Gaming is fine but they need a limit. My 9yr old can go on once he's done homework and comes off at dinnertime. That way he has at least 90mins before going to bed to wind down. At the weekend he gets a bit more time if he likes.

Your house, your rules. Get DH on board by saying you’re worried about your own children being sucked in to this- you need to be on the same page and he needs to back you up.

Tell DSC that from when they next visit you it’ll be one hour of tablet/phone time per night after school max. The rest of the time can be bath, reading, homework, dinner, a game, tv or playing with your children.

If you don’t act now you’ll find your own children drawn in.

My husband and I like our phones but I was adamant that DS was NOT being brought up with them as normal, so we never look at them while he’s awake/with us and we don’t use them as entertainment or for games with him. We get on the floor and play with him, read to him, sing, go out for a walk or to the park etc.

Our nephews are in front of screens loads and it’s awful- I genuinely think it’ll ruin a generation’s ability to speak properly or know how to entertain themselves/concentrate on reading etc.

Be firm- but don’t just leave a vacuum: get DH to play with the kids and you join in too- do activities and distract them. They’ll soon learn that tablets are something they plan on at their Mum’s house, not yours.

*play

When grand children come here, there are no computer games, but there are traditional games. Have a look around for some I bought second hand from E Bay. We have amongst other things, marbles, dominoes, card games, spirograph, pop up pirate, snakes and ladders, ludo, Connect 4, it does my knees no good some of these games but they enjoy it. Make your home internet free except for one hour a day and play games together.

My dh is a gamer as is ds. Ds was always limited to how long he played on it when he was younger, usually an hour after school and then 2 hrs a day at the weekend, he is now 19 and is on his console from morning to night apart from when he is at uni or work. If he doesn’t have his laptop in his hand it’s his phone. He’s too old for me to regulate how long he plays for!

Gaming is a great hobby - I'm a gamer myself, would choose a game over movies and TV any day - but like anything it needs to be done in moderation. I think it's fine to put a limit on how much gaming is done.

Thank you for the vindicating replies and suggestions, I was bracing myself to be told I'm being unreasonable because I know step parents aren't well received here.

They are coming at the weekend and I'm just not prepared to stare at the back of their heads for the duration of the visit. If it's not bad enough, DH let's them use the big television in the front room so that the main living space is dominated by it.

There is a smaller television in their bedroom but that isn't as good, apparently.

I have practically told him that he is a lazy parent this evening which I'm sure wasn't nice to hear but they are only that way because they are allowed to be.

Wow this is mad!
Establish rules ASAP
Mine are 6,8,11 they are allowed 1hr of rob lox or tv a day. That's it
They all do 4hr after school exercise a week and have a tutor for 1h each.
We go out all day every Sunday
They read 4 times a week

You create the outcomes you want for your children. Own it.

@justasking111

When grand children come here, there are no computer games, but there are traditional games. Have a look around for some I bought second hand from E Bay. We have amongst other things, marbles, dominoes, card games, spirograph, pop up pirate, snakes and ladders, ludo, Connect 4, it does my knees no good some of these games but they enjoy it. Make your home internet free except for one hour a day and play games together.

Your post gave me a lovely sense of nostalgia

I have the fondest memories of playing board games with my grandparents, way before consoles took over the world.

I'm going to order some tonight!

Let your OH choose some as well, bet there are games he used to enjoy.

I would ban games from the living room tv personally. Our kids don't have tvs in their rooms so no matter how much she begs dsd cant have a console here because hell would freeze over before I had fortnite taking over my living room. If their addiction is confined to their room then at least it won't affect your dc and you can leave it for their parents to deal with

I have a 7 and 10 year old, no devices unless needed for homework Monday to Thursday and then 90 minutes/day more or less Friday to Saturday. They have so many other things to do, sports, playing with neighborhood friends, reading books, board games, lego, drawing, they are totally happy - though they enjoy Minecraft and other games on weekends. We play board games too (my husband is a collector) and especially the younger loves experimenting in the kitchen .

To prise my kids off it - we have to lock them away so they can’t find them. It’s the only way. They do hunt but eventually give up. It’s your home too so you can make home rules.

Thank you for the replies!

It's going to be a battle but I'm going to put my foot down.

No games on the living room TV, if they want to play for a while then they can do so in their bedroom.

I'm going to ask DH to suggest some board games too.

I have a feeling one of them in particular with refuse to come if he can't sit on games all day but DH will have to navigate that as I'm done being held hostage to roblox and being trapped in the house because they don't want to go out.

I am a gamer myself and so is my ds. But he isn't stuck to the screen all the time, because we have strict rules instilled from early age. He needs to do the school work before. Practice musical instrument before. At certain time(dinner/bath, etc), he needs to stop no matter what. So no complaining at all.

Actually, we are very laid back in regards to screen time, so he can play all day if he has done things that needs to be done, yet he rarely do. He'd rather play board games, compose music, draw, or play with lego often.

It's your house, so it's your rule, even it's not your children. You need to have united position with your dh to set some rules that work for you as a family.

OMG OP I could have written your post.
Older DSC, 11 and 13, just like how you describe. I'm pregnant and it's something I really worry about but thankfully by the time my own child is old enough the two older DSC will hopefully be over it by then clutches at straws
I'm a police officer on an online child protection team so it's all down to me they have parental controls on their devices. DH and his ex just as much to blame, though thankfully the younger DSC aren't on them at all when they are here.
As part of the parental controls I have an app on my phone which shows what they've been on and for how long. Last Saturday at their mums it was 14 hours straight. 14 fucking hours.

That's on their parents though, you've said your bit, just make it clear to DH that your child with him will be raised very differently when it comes to this. If it every comes up with your child, just explain that different parents do things differently that's all.

Good luck!

My DC would be like this if I let them. I must admit that I did let them play all day a couple of days last week when it was pissing it down outside. I made them come off after dinner time so we could watch a film together but they weren’t happy about it. They love fortnite and Roblox and I’d say it’s definitely an addiction. They have zero interest in toys at all, they just don’t care for them. They still read every day but I have to make them nowadays, they used to love story time at bedtime.

It’s sadly a part of growing up in the modern world. They’ll be even worse as teenagers when they get phones.

Mine play a lot, but, when I call and tell them to stop and come for dinner, or because we're going or for whatever other reason, I expect them to come (I am reasonable, if they're in the middle of a round I'm OK for them to finish).

I expect them to put their tablets away when asked, I expect them to participate in whatever we get up to in/out of the house, and to go to bed on time, do their homework without fuss etc.

And they do. If that ever changed, then I certainly would be imposing restrictions - one that we used to have was no tablet until they'd had breakfast and got dressed and ready for school in the morning, but once the routine was in, I've not had to enforce it for years, even if they do have the tablet when they wake up now. But as it is, we don't have any trouble, they are reasonable, I am reasonable, and they both wander down every now and then to do something off a screen of their own accord.

I hope you are successful and YANBU to want screens to be used part-time not full-time.

Stop them they'll resist at first.
DD was the same now unless she's done her homework and had dinner she is not allowed.
There was war initially but now she enjoys the time off it until 17.30 when she turns back into a zombie
Stick a large timetable chart on the wall they'll do anything to get to it faster soon they enjoy the free time.

When you are making changes turn off the wifi during the hours or one will refuse and use it.

I've had a chat with DH this morning and reiterated everything I've said here, I have made it crystal clear that there is to be no more taking over the television in the front room and I won't be held hostage and made to watch.

The eldest in particular wants me to sit and watch him while he shows me all his in game items and the things he's playing which is sweet but becomes mind numbingly boring.

The Xbox is being moved into their bedroom and I've said to DH it's up to him if he wants to sit in there to spend time with them, though it's not really spending time is it? I've said I'll leave that to him to navigate.

He thinks board games are a good idea but said he thinks our DS (2.5) will interfere and throw things about the board etc. He may have a point with that but I'm sure we'll figure out a way to work around it.

They are very young spending to be addicted to games spending so much time on it.
After lockdown many parents are in your position.
It is really bad for them it helps you stay firm when you realise it damages our DC.

It is a problem.

We only allow Nintendo Switch at weekend but, given half a chance, he will binge it really stupidly at the weekend, and will spend quite a bit of the week just obsessing about/planning what he'll do on Fortnite or whatever at the weekend.

All I can suggest is that you give the kids a decent amount of time-consuming things to do. The days of kids harmlessly pottering round using their own initiative are probably numbered.