To think colleague should give it a rest?

[Magicra84]

My colleague doesn't shut up all day. She's full of self-importance and talks about herself. She'll just sometimes do a really loud, exagerated noise like a yawn and if I don't look over or react to it, she will do something else to get my attention.

If I have visitors, she constantly does stupid things to get their attention.

The talk is mostly about her and she is forever giving me a run down of her work, even stuff that doesn't concern my area of work. I'm so sick of it. Eight hours of dross. I try to ignore her but it doesn't work.

She is always saying for me to 'look at this', whether it be a photo, her own work, any fucking thing she can get my attention with and I'm so sick of it. If I ignore her, she'll say that she was talking to herself but then question if she was talking to me, like she can't fucking decide. I have spoken to management who had a friendly word with her, and occasionally she'll say she'll shut up now, but then carries on! What can I do? It's really wearing me down and I'm going through some hardships at the moment. I feel exhausted with it all.

This sounds exactly like my dc but I assumed it was something they would grow out of. Now I’m depressed too.

Is there any possibility of moving your desk?

You need to buy yourself a massive clunky pair of ear defenders and wear them all day. Look blankly at her when she speaks to you. She is not only ignoring hints, she is intentionally overriding your needs to carry on talking so I would have little concern at this point about how she feels when she sees you.

This ! She knows she is annoying you. if the defenders dont work you may need top speak to someone higher up. A bit of chat is fine but anything more means work isnt getting done.

Management intervention has not solved your problem so you need to raise it again, ask to be moved or for them to take further action (I wouldn't expect them to tell you what). DO NOT go mad at her. Just repeat politely 'i need to concentrate'.

Can you put headphones on?

I had one of those.

I got pregnant and left.

Go back to management and insist on moving desk, mention the stress of working there and how it's starting to effect you.

I worked with someone like this, always wanting to talk but I had work to do! I used to phone her while I was driving into the office so she could !download' whatever drivel was in her head and as I got to the office would be saying 'nearly there, I've got a to. If work and need to get my head down ASAP' just so I could actually do my work. Otherwise she would drone on for hours. One time she went on so much I fell out with her, properly slammed my files down, refused to speak to her for a few weeks. Some people just have low emotional intelligence so they can't read a scenario well.

Just tell her.

" Gabby,, please stop talking at me. I can't hear myself think and I really need to concentrate on this"

Repeat as necessary.

Is moving desks an option?

I think she's taken it as a challenge to see if she can make you crack (and talk to her). If she is, she's being passive aggressive and bullying. Go back to your manager.

How do people like this keep their jobs!? If she’s yapping constantly, she can’t possibly be getting her own work done?!
I’d go back to management, see if they can move you - or, even better, move her!

I just walked in the office and she started fucking talking. She covered five different topics in the space of two minutes. It's driving me to the edge. I'm already having breakdowns at home because of stuff that has happened and this is adding to it.

None of those topics had anything to do with me. It's fucking ridiculous.

Everyone is saying talk to management again. Why don't you?

She is mostly talking about her woes like she wants me to feel sorry for her.

@chamomileteaplease I will be

Ask for a mediation meeting with management and HR where you can spell out how it's impacting you in the workplace and what you want them to do. Tell them what action you want them to take then put it in an email to them so you have a record. Keep in factual and non emotional. Imagine it being read by an outsider. Then you've put the responsibility on them to take action and not ignore you. If the do then escalate it up the chain.

I agree with keeping it non emotional. It's affecting your work. That's the only thing that is relevant to management really - I know your emotional state is relevant too but if you focus on how it is affecting your work then they will realise they are the only people who can and must do something about it.

In BC times I worked in an open plan office - I have Airpod Pros now purely because of the noise cancelling function. Usually I just have them in my ears with nothing playing to keep myself focused because I know I'm a bit of a chatter myself if I'm not disciplined. However I used to work with someone similar to your colleague - in that office I used to put on a giant pair of dayglo orange headphones, he would still sometimes walk up and tap me on the shoulder to try and chat, but I would really ostentatiously lift just one ear of the headphones with my elbow held in a really awkward position to make it clear that I couldn't spare more than a second or two.

Tune her out. She's radio static. She's already demonstrated that she babbles on and on like a stream in full flood but doesn't necessarily require a response.

Doesn't matter what she 'wants': you're not there to provide those wants. Ear defenders - some of the best on the market - are available from Amazon. If you order them now can be with you in time for Monday morning. Just think: your first week of blissful silence. Venting on Mumsnet might make you feel better in the interim, but you're just using up more negative energy and frustration that you could otherwise be channelling into your work. I do sympathise as I'm facing a not-dissimilar workplace situation myself: having to expend energy on how to circumvent a bully rather than ploughing attention into a very important bid. It's annoying: I get it.

This is affecting your ability to do your job which should be of concern to management. Tell them you expect this to be taken seriously because it's not her performance review that will ultimately suffer, but yours. I'd also want this on record somehow. Do you have an HR department?

PS - the ear defenders are only about £20.

So many people have suggested headphones. Have you tried this @Magicra84 ?

@Thickhead

I had a colleague this. Made me want to fling myself out of the window. Nothing helped, nothing. If I used headphones she'd sulk all day and the atmosphere was awful. If I politely told her I needed to concentrate for half an hour with no interruptions she'd get huffy too. Or she'd interrupt me anyway and then say 'oh sorry, I know I shouldn't be talking, whoops silly me.'

I told her I needed silence to concentrate, but then instead of talking to me, she would wheel over in her wheely chair, sit behind me and sheepishly wait for me to turn around and notice her. God it was the most irritating thing ever.

I tried everything. My boss talked to her. I even went on assertiveness training because I was worried I wasn't telling her to shut up assertively enough.

Eventually I just begged my boss to let me work in a different office.

It was hellish. You have my sympathy.

This is making me MURDEROUS just reading about it!

God this woman sounds insufferable. I had a similar thing with a new colleague who would not leave me alone and at one point wheeled her chair over to me and backed me into my desk so I couldn't escape lol. I just stood up, put my hand up to her face and said "you need to stop talking". My manager pulled me in and said she would move her to a different building. I would genuinely just be super blunt with her, pull her into a meeting room and say her talking constantly is distracting and it makes you feel like you don't want to be there. Have your manager present with you too and if she says stuff like "whoops, I should stop talking" just cut her off and say "yes you should". What a nightmare.

Go to management again and reiterate how serious this is. Trying to get visitors' attention is irresponsible and unprofessional. Maybe major on that if they don't care that it's impacting you personally.

OP for your own sanity please say something to her and speak to your management again. Are you able to move desk?