to ask ex inlaws to send any money for me and dd, to me and not to ex dh?

[pirategirl]

Hi, dh left nearly 3 yrs ago. We have been divorced since march this year.

Last year my ex inlaws, who live abroad sent some money for xmas, which ex dh never gave us. i found out, and his parents were not pleased. He did eventually give me the money. The money was a gift for both me and dd. They know we are skint, and know that the money will be spent on whatever I see fit, even if its a bill, and they always also send a gift for my dd, well they always send lots of little gifts.

I saved up and took dd to disney paris a few weeks ago. This past weekend my ex said that they had sent £50 for the holiday, but becuase he had not seen dd b4 had not had the chance to give it to us. He said he would bring it next time. ( in two weeks)

Obv he didn't want to be caught out again, if ex inlwas ask me if the money helped (not that they have even mentioned it). Yet why didnt he bring it. To my mind he has spent it.

So really my main question is, would it be ok for me to ask them to send any money gifts directly to me. Say if i gave them my bank dets??

I think that if you handle it tactfully then YANBU.

But I would wait till after his next visit - maybe he had spent the money they gave him but he fully intends to pay it back.

yes i will have to wait for that money. It is annoying, becuase once again it's not his to spend. The biggest clue that he has spent it, apart form the fact he hasnt givien it to me, is that he has been made bankrupt, and altho they have writtento me, he has still failed to tell me lol. wally.

Maybe you could ask them to make the cheque payable to your dd and open her a savings account. That way, they feel like it's going to her, but as co signatory, you can of course access the account for whatever you think fit.

pirategirl - wally indeed! In that case I'm sure that your x-i-l s will be understanding. Just play the tactful line that of course you understand that things are difficult for him financially, etc...

bit of a difficult one really but perhaps you could send your in laws a note when you recieve the money giving details of your dd bank account so they know that they can pay money directly into the account for her without involving ex. Im not sure why they are giving it to him and not directly to you to be honest especially after christmas

Yes i could tel them dd's bank account dets. I have emailed them thanking them for the money, becuase tbh, itsnow 3 weeks since they sent it, and i have siad nothing to them.

Cos i didnt know about it lol. I have also siad that he is going to give it to me next time. So I'll let them decide how they feel about that bit of info. I also suggested to make tings easier, and as we are indeed separate now, that maybe they would like to have my dets, as its safer etc than senging cash, which they have dome inthe past and once, a rather large amount got stolen/never arrived at ex's home.

Actually, come to think of it, WHERE did it go... omg!!! that was about a yr ago too