To feel like this resentment still after all this time?

[Treatscatscrave]

I'm 40ish and divorced. About 2 years ago, I bumped into the guy I dated from 20 to 23. He broke it off and I was absolutely heartbroken for months.
Anyway he is divorced too.
We've been involved ever since and I do love him and I think he feels same but of late I feel very sad. This relationship does not feel 'real' to me.
Best way I can describe it is that it's like dreaming about a past experience- it's pleasant but not real.
Aibu to feel like this? A mixture of resentment and un'realness'.
I have told him but I can't help it.
AIBU? Twenty years (23 to be precise) after and I still can't forget.
P.S. I've not spent last twenty years moping about this. It's ONLY become an issue since we've grown close again.
Please don't be harsh- I'm very sad about it.

What exactly do you want from him?

From my armchair, I would say that you need to look into your attachment type and issues.

I’m not sure I understand OP?

Assuming you thought he would be the same person but obviously so much time has passed so he isn't and maybe your feeling sad about that?

What are you sad about?

I guess I'm sad because I really like him but I can't get past the past. And aibu for this because after all It was a long time ago.

OP of you can’t get over the last, move on. You don’t have to do this.

@Treatscatscrave

I guess I'm sad because I really like him but I can't get past the past. And aibu for this because after all It was a long time ago.

You need to work through this. There will be more than one thing going on. How was your relationship with your father?

Are you subconsciously clinging onto what you had 20 years ago? Like he broke up with you when you were still in love with him and a part of you thought you could get back to those days, but now you’re realising it’s not the same and it’s not the relationship you were longing for? It could be a good relationship, but if you are somehow projecting your feelings about what happened in the past onto it then it’ll always be a disappointment. You are no longer 20, you’ve both grown up and the world and you both have changed, and of course memory is very manipulative.

The resentment is because it didn't work out when it should have worked out: Back then, in the past. Had he not broken it off and broken your heart, you could have- possibly- had a lifetime together. He took away the possibility of a life together when you both broke up. And you can make logical sense of that. But maybe getting back together, with all of that water under the bridge, has shown you the power of time's erosion. Maybe there's just not enough good stuff there anymore, after all of this time. Whatever was so right back then hasn't reacquainted itself with you both this time around, when you really need it to. The resentment is towards the past. It swallowed up 'what was' and 'what could have been'. And I think the sadness is you realising this, realising that it's all a bit of a 'what could have been' rather than a wonderful, sweet reunion. Whatever you felt for him in the past hasn't quite reappeared now, when you really need it to. It's very sad but we can never know if time will be kind or dead honest. I think in your case, time has shown you that this relationship belongs back there, in the past.