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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to want her to stop loitering?

7 replies

CaptainVanesHair · 04/11/2020 15:46

DD(9 nearly 10) is challenging at the best of times right now, but aibu to be particularly sick of the loitering?

She’s asked to do something, I get an earful from her, that’s dealt with, I remind her she has something to do (can be anything) and then she’ll leave the room but loiter outside it instead.

Or, she’ll get out of bed at night to sit on the landing to try to listen to DH and I talking. And not salacious gossip talking, just general evening chit chat that is usually following on from things we’ve all discussed earlier.

I’ve tried to have a gentle chat about anxiety and if she’s worried about anything etc but she just outright lies as says she doesn’t do it and makes up elaborate stories. Which is then just another issue in itself. Else she puts herself by storming into the room to interrupt a conversation with yelling because she’s completely got the wrong end of the stick and then I’ve got a whole mess of things to deal with.

DH thinks it’s just a phase and, although it does annoy him, just wants to let it go. And I don’t know if because I’m bearing the brunt of the rest of the anger etc, that this is just one thing to far because I just feel suffocated by a complete lack of privacy. Aibu?

OP posts:
CaptainVanesHair · 04/11/2020 15:47

*outs herself

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 04/11/2020 16:27

It sounds like a power thing, I won't do it straight away , to show you're not the boss. What do you do if she loiters after you've given her a task? If there's no consequence she'll carry on. Same for bedtime, stay at the bottom of the stairs & take her back to her room every time she apoears, no conversation & a penalty if she kicks off. Discuss the consequences for loitering & the bedtime system beforehand so she's aware. I'm an ex teacher. Letting behaviour issues slide means they carry on or ramp up.

Inthesameboatatmo · 04/11/2020 16:30

You need to put firm boundaries in place and remove device's or things she holds dear until she gets the message . That would drive me crackers, I can remember my daughter being similar around the same age . I think it's just hormonal boundaries pushing from her , she should grow out if it .

CaptainVanesHair · 04/11/2020 16:43

Thank you both. I definitely agree it’s about control.

I’m trying the firmest boundaries I can think of, and devices are removed, including tv, kindle and switch. Timeouts are now go to you room until we tell you otherwise and she does get taken back in silence.

I think there’s definitely an element of as she’s an only she somehow thinks she now has a voice when it comes to anything. Unpicking each issue separately has been an issue but this one seems to be my breaking point.

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 04/11/2020 16:47

It is draining and very groundhog day iyswim. She might be a tough nut to crack but she will get the message eventually just sent back down although from experience it is easier said than done. You have my sympathies op

Waveysnail · 04/11/2020 16:58

Door alarm? So when she opened bedroom door an alarm goes off so you know shes out of her room?

Member984815 · 04/11/2020 17:09

She's pushing her boundaries , you need to reinforce them

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