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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bad?

22 replies

Givemeabreak88 · 04/11/2020 07:34

I’ve posted before about my ex, he has contact with our children once a fortnight for a few hours (this was totally his choice on contact) he doesn’t have any over nights as his living situation doesn’t allow him to. Anyway with lock down coming I’ve been wondering how contact is going to work. Well he has messaged me today saying since he has now where to take them he just won’t see them for a month?! Firstly this is unlikely to just last a month (I will be very surprised if it does) and secondly I am amazed someone would just happily not see their kids then. He didn’t suggest coming and taking them to the park etc just that he won’t see them for a month then? I’ve honestly had enough of him and his inconsistent and rubbish contact, he was already absent from their lives for 3 years and has only started having contact again within the last 6 months. He is Messing with my children’s heads and confusing them so I’ve blocked him. Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/11/2020 07:39

Blocking him was childish. I’d have messaged and explained that it wasn’t in the children’s best interests for him to disappear for a month or more. He has a commitment to them and they expect him to fulfil it. Yes, it will be more challenging to occupy them, but you will have the same challenge on the other 13.5 days a fortnight.

Chocolatehasruinedmylife · 04/11/2020 07:43

What a knob!
How old are your DCs? Are they old enough to understand what he is like? If they are, let them chose if they want to see him, also, if they have phones, let contact be arranged through them. My DS and his dad arranged contact through themselves, I think that way dad can see that he isn't doing me a favour by having DS and that DS wants to see him and seems to go more smoothly (does any of that make sense 🤷‍♀️)

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 04/11/2020 14:17

No unfortunately not old enough to arrange things themselves. (All under 10) I told him they could have went for walks and got told that that was “pointless” .. no virus or lock down would stop me seeing my children.

OP posts:
Changethetoner · 04/11/2020 14:23

Yes YABU. He doesn't want to hang outdoors with the children in all weathers in November. Fine. He's told you in advance. It is for four short visits. This is not going to make or break the children's relationship with their Dad. Definitely YABU.

LilyLongJohn · 04/11/2020 14:25

Yabu, don't block, it'll give him ammunition about you being unreasonable if he ever needed it. Just be cordial and then get on with your life. My ex would go for over 6 weeks without ever seeing the dc due to one reason or another. His loss imo.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 04/11/2020 14:28

I’m surprised people think I’m being unreasonable to be annoyed he doesn’t want to see his kids for 4 weeks. He has made it so he can’t have them at his. And I doubt this will be lasting only 4 weeks, the last one was meant to be 3 weeks! If only I could opt out of being a parent so easily

OP posts:
DaddysGirlForLife · 04/11/2020 14:31

Can you arrange Facetiming on contact days?

I dont think YABU. He has form for not being in their lives

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 04/11/2020 14:37

It’s just again having to explain to my kids why they won’t be seeing him again. I still take them to the park in November we are not gonna stay inside for 6 months so I’m not sure that’s a good enough excuse what happened to the told MN line “there’s no such things as bad weather..” anyway I’m just surprised at how quickly he was like well I just won’t be seeing them, he didn’t try to think of any solution, every time they see him they ask me if they will be seeing him again when they get back as they are use to him disappearing

OP posts:
Woui · 04/11/2020 16:05

He is a tosser and full of excuses. No way would I go 4 weeks without seeing my kids if the possibility was there !

Don't block him though.

justthecat · 04/11/2020 16:07

He’s using covid as an excuse, very convenient for HIM

shitinmyhandsandclap · 04/11/2020 16:08

@Changethetoner

Yes YABU. He doesn't want to hang outdoors with the children in all weathers in November. Fine. He's told you in advance. It is for four short visits. This is not going to make or break the children's relationship with their Dad. Definitely YABU.
Wow, I'm amazed some people have this view, I can't believe you're saying OP IBU when their dad isn't seeing them for 4 WEEKS!
flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 16:13

That is awful.

flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 16:14

Yes YABU. He doesn't want to hang outdoors with the children in all weathers in November. Fine. He's told you in advance. It is for four short visits. This is not going to make or break the children's relationship with their Dad. Definitely YABU

Oh my god! They are his children, not a pair of cockerpoo spaniels. He has a home, doesn’t he?

flaviaritt · 04/11/2020 16:16

He has made it so he can’t have them at his.

Sorry, I take it back. Maybe he doesn’t. OP, why can’t he have them at his place?

Missandra · 04/11/2020 16:20

@Changethetoner

Yes YABU. He doesn't want to hang outdoors with the children in all weathers in November. Fine. He's told you in advance. It is for four short visits. This is not going to make or break the children's relationship with their Dad. Definitely YABU.
That says a lot about your own attitude to parenting.
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 04/11/2020 16:24

YANBU. My ex has been using covid as an excuse not to see the dc as well. But mine are teens so can see him for the twat he is.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/11/2020 16:25

HIBVU to have a home he can’t take them to. Likewise for seeing them so little and for ducking out for this lockdown.

However, you know what he’s like, he didn’t see them for 3 years?!!! So I’m afraid while you’re understandably annoyed, YABU for expecting better of him.

Your DC are young, they can’t know him that well, just tell them he won’t be taking them out for a few weeks and distract them.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 04/11/2020 16:27

In November my dc go out every single day. Have the dc no hats and coats?
Can he not buy a football /take bikes /duck food?
Yabu to have such high expectations of a man you know to be a twat..
That is all you are guilty of...

bloodywhitecat · 04/11/2020 16:28

There are ways of seeing his children if he really wanted to, but I would unblock him so as not to give him any ammunition to use against you.

Cheeseandwin5 · 04/11/2020 16:40

You are not punishing him by your actions but your children.
Its up to you what excuses and reasons you give but that is the case and there is no point pretending otherwise.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 04/11/2020 16:44

Thanks you I thought I was going mad when I read that comment! I’m unreasonable to be annoyed he isn’t seeing his kids Shock crazy! the government stated children can still see parents during lock down because they obviously appreciate that it’s important. He blamed his mental health for why he was absent for 3 years.

In regards to his house; he has a 3 bed and rents out the rooms so they have no space there. He lives 2 hours away so it would mean 2 hours there and 2 hours back which isnt realistic for a day trip. He decided to rent out his rooms rather than have his kids. I did suggest the walk and got told it was “pointless”,

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 04/11/2020 16:45

I’ve unblocked him now but I’m just sick of how he thinks he can opt out of parenting when he feels like it.

OP posts:
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