To ask you what your experience of therapy was

[justsayso]

If you've ever had it - was it useful? Difficult? Was it what you expected it to be?
Curious as to people's experiences are.

difficult, effort,painful. not really what i was expecting as i wanted to be told how to fix things rather than slowly realise myself... but worth it

difficult, effort,painful. not really what i was expecting as i wanted to be told how to fix things rather than slowly realise myself... but worth it

difficult, effort,painful. not really what i was expecting as i wanted to be told how to fix things rather than slowly realise myself... but worth it

wow sorry for the 3!

Lots of attempts at it, in various ‘types’ at various ages/ stages of life.

Hated it every time until the last time. Not sure if it was just that I found the right person, the right style or was at the right point in my life (likely a combination) but it clicked.

Very painful, raw and difficult but absolutely life changing. Validating, fascinating, profound. (I will stop with the adjectives now ha!)

I found it really really hard work this time because I was actually DOING the work that therapy requires. Rather than when I was a sulky teenager trying to outwit or avoid the person ‘getting in my head’ This therapist also helped me to be curious in the process rather than trying to say/do what I thought to be the ‘right’ thing in a session.

This time it felt like genuine work and was such an incredibly difficult but moving experience that il never be the same after. Il be grateful the rest of my life to have had the opportunity.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It was like poking sharp sticks into wounds I'd mostly ignored for a long time.

I cried a lot. I lost over 3 stones. I was cranky and exhausted after the sessions.

It was the single best thing I've ever done. I'm a better person, a much better parent and I actually have confidence in myself as a decent person.

As a teenager- awful. Condescending and dangerous.

As an adult- invaluable. Very difficult and painful, but god I wish I had had it when I was younger. Best thing I did, and after it had finished it continued to help me through some very difficult times in my life. I recommend it to everyone, but it is about finding the right type and therapist that works best for you, and that can take a few tries.

I’d agree it was difficult and painful.

She was lovely and very experienced and I went to see her for a few years but...

I felt like we never achieved our agreed goals together. We’d set 6 week goals and then never actually address anything as she always seemed to take me off on a tangent.

She chose to focus on things that SHE wanted to focus on rather than what I thought was helpful and what I really wanted to address. She’d get stuck on my parents for example and, over the years, seemed to develop her own personal feelings about my parents that clouded things (I.e she REALLY didn’t like them). She was constantly making book recommendations of books that were 800 pages wrong and that I couldn’t get through at the rate she was recommending them.

I’d go in and want to talk about how to move forward and she’d say “I want to go back to last week when your Mum said x, let’s revisit that”...

Or we’d go over tools that we’d already discussed and that weren’t really helpful for me and didn’t make a difference.

The rate at which she kept changing focus, recommending this book or that tool and jumping around different areas of my life with no tangible link just led me into a spin. Looking back I see it as a time of just being all over the place, spiralling and not getting anywhere.

The bottom line is that no therapist can change your life for you. And that’s the hard bit.

If anything, I think although I’m definitely more assertive (as that’s mainly what her “thing” was that she liked to work on with me), I’m more depressed and have lower self esteem because we never actually addressed the stuff that I really wanted to. And seeing as a lot of that was to do with relationships and I’ve not had one in all the time since I worked with her, I don’t see it as a huge success to be honest. And it cost me 1000s of pounds.

I think the worst thing of all that’s at the back of my mind is that at one point I was suicidal. The first set of antidepressants didn’t work, the second set I had a bad reaction to and nearly had a stroke and the therapy with her really didn’t get me anywhere...so I’m worried about what might happen if I end up in that state again. I really hope I don’t.

I think she actually really cared about me a lot and so the boundaries over the years sort of got less so...I started feeling responsible for her feelings. I genuinely couldn’t say “this isn’t working for me anymore” and feel we ended up knowing a bit too much about each other’s lives. It was just all a bit of a mess.

I think I probably still need quite a bit of help and it’s difficult because my past is so complex it would take a lot to start again with someone new, build trust, go through the painful parts again which makes me feel like I’d just have to go back to her again. But then that feels pointless so...rock and hard place.

I actually think what I really need is for someone to choose me and love me and not let me down...that’s the “therapy” I need. But my relationship history is one emotionally abusive relationship and then no real interest from anyone else, an awful awful childhood etc...I just haven’t been loved or even liked much and I’m really bloody lonely. I haven’t known much affection, especially not physical affection. I’ve just been love starved. So a counsellor can’t really solve that for me. And I can’t magic up someone to love me. So that’s where I’ve ended up.

That sounds tough Namechange84, hopefully you'll find someone.
It sounds like if you get on with your therapist the results can be life changing, but of it goes wrong it goes really wrong!

@namechange84 you need to look into schema therapy. It's a type of reparenting therapy. It lasts from anywhere from 18 months to 5 years, you build a far closer bond with your therapist (although there are still limits and boundaries, obviously) and the idea is that you do get some of that care you missed out as a child. It's hard, it involves trusting someone deeply and revisiting painful things but it could very well change your life. I appreciate it is unaffordable for many though.