to not contribute.

[Souldyurr]

DBro1 and his girlfriend live abroad. This year my birthday, my mum's birthday, DBro2's birthday, my DS's birthday and DSis's birthday (as well as Mother's Day, Easter, Father's Day etc) all fell during lockdown. No celebration or anything for my birthday from my family (as in my parents/siblings) except for a few messages on our group chat. For DM's birthday and Mother's Day (a couple of days apart), I tried to organise something nice and no one else contributed despite a number of messages (this has also been the case in previous years when all four of us have lived abroad). For DSis's birthday, BIL organised something that I contributed to but neither DBros contributed. I sent DBro2 a nice message and video called on his birthday, had a group chat etc (he also lives abroad - different country to DBro1) but DBro1 didn't join the group call etc. It was a similar story for all these events where I usually try to arrange something nice and no one else really cares - so I'll send flowers or a card etc and sign from everyone else. None of these were monetary contributions - they were all things like a video of them saying Happy Birthday to put into one video etc.
It's DBro1's birthday next week. Despite neither DBro1 or his girlfriend (GF) contributing to any of the "gifts" for anyone else - not sending any gifts or cards or phoning anyone on their birthdays, GF has set up a Facebook group chat with all of us in where she's written a big long paragraph about how tough a time Covid has been for them etc etc etc. She then says there's something DBro really wants for his birthday but they just can't afford it due to Covid (literally three days ago, she posted in our family group chat about their holiday that they were currently on). She's asked each of us to send her around £80 each so she can put it towards a gift for him that she'll keep saving for and get him for Christmas.
AIBU to not contribute because...

1. They/he never contribute to anything for anyone else.
2. That's a lot more than we spend on gifts for each other. It's not a "big" birthday or anything like that.
3. They aren't that strapped for cash given that they keep travelling and doing other things so feel like she's trying to manipulate us a bit.
4. She won't actually be buying the gift with the money - just saving it for HER to give him at Christmas where it'll undoubtedly slip her mind who actually paid for it.

I'm not sure if it's relevant but I don't particularly get on with her - she's very manipulative and they have (in my opinion) a very toxic relationship and I know she's been violent to him, she's very controlling of his behaviour (limits his access to friends etc). I've never said anything to her or him and interaction has always been civil.

Absolutely no way would I be contributing. I would simply respond that no, it's not affordable and anyway it's not the custom amongst our siblings to give each other birthday presents. She's a cheeky cow.

Of course YANBU.
For all the reasons you've listed.
This is just not something it is worth considering / having any angst over.

In fact, I think I would reply in the group, setting out all the reasons (well most of them) why you won't be contributing, rather than letting any of the rest of the family thinking they 'ought to ' for any reason.

Of course YANBU.
For all the reasons you've listed.
This is just not something it is worth considering / having any angst over.

In fact, I think I would reply in the group, setting out all the reasons (well most of them) why you won't be contributing, rather than letting any of the rest of the family thinking they 'ought to ' for any reason.

Yanbu

The way your family do gifts obviously doesn't work either, just give gifts from yourself from now on.

You’re probably saying what the rest of the family are also thinking. Be the first to say in the group that you don’t think appropriate, giving reason 2.

YANBU.
This year has been difficult for us all, and it's quite insensitive of her to ask for so much money when so many struggle for it at the moment.
Also, you don't get cheered up by 'stuff', it'd cheer him up more to video call or something like that. Expensive presents aren't going to fix anything.

YANBU.

Decline her invitation to contribute and state your reasons.

What does she say when you ask her to get involved in other gifts? I’d just either ignore or word for word quote what she say has said to you previously. It’s so crass asking people for money for gifts.