To struggle this much with having DS in childcare?

[mamajule]

Absolutely struggling with having 6 month DS in nursery. In a bind because I didn't have maternity leave, so got a new job but it started way earlier than I wanted. We moved here from
France when I was pregnant for DH to take a job opportunity, and had to give up my job. So I kind of had to find something.

DS was Ebf until nursery so is struggling hard with bottle refusal and is starting solids but its first stage weaning. Him not eating well is now causing so many sleep issues, before this he slept beautifully.

I am upset all day, and can't focus on work well. I miss him, and He is home loads sick. Husband is doing f-all but thats another story, assume for this situation I am a single mum.

I try and minimise his time in nursery, because I feel pretty bad about him being in there so young.

I feel all over the place. It feels so wrong him being where he is, I feel so short changed not having time off, I'm sleep deprived and can't think straight.

DH just thinks keep him in nursery for the full 10
Hours a day because he wants me earning as much as possible.

I am beyond stressed.

AIBU to feel like this, and would just accepting DS is fine to be in nursery? Can't really afford a nanny, and have no family here.

But you're not a single mum, are you? You've got a "D"H who does fuck all. If you were a single mum I assume you wouldn't have moved country while heavily pregnant - you'd have family support and maternity leave. If you were single, you wouldn't have to consider that arsehole's needs and whims and preferences.

If you only "can't really afford a nanny" I'm assuming your husband earns quite well, which also means no tax credits as it's on household income.

He needs to start acting like a part of the family instead of Lord of the fucking manor, decreeing what and when and with whom you and your little baby spend their days but doing absolutely nothing to support you.

Hey OP, my first thoughts are what are nursery doing to help him settle In the day and to help him transition there? How long has he been going so far?
My dd started nursery at 6 months full time too, but she was bottle fed so no issues there. Naps have always been a problem at nursery as she just finds there is too much going on. Subsequently we are at 14 months now and she’s never once slept through the night.

Nursery were really supportive with her settling, it helped massively that my DS went there so I knew and trusted them already.

I wanted to be back at work though, tired as I am now it was the best decision putting her in nursery from 6 months. She’s flourish and loves every moment she is there.

I think maybe the setting isn’t right, a childminder as others have said might be better? It’s also cheaper!

Is there any possibility of finding a childminder instead? I went back to work after 6months as I also didn’t get maternity pay and had to get a new job. I felt very comfortable knowing my DS was in a homely environment rather than a nursery.

I went back to work full time on shifts, my husband was on opposite shifts, when our daughter was seven months old. I’ve actually forgotten how hard it actually is. I don’t think anyone should be making you feel guilty for whatever you decide to do, whether it be continue working or reducing your hours. 💐

You say you 'kind of had to' get a job, what does that mean. Can you actually afford to give up work and stay home with the baby for now? And by afford i mean can you keep a roof over your head and pay all the bills on your dh's income. If so give up the job, it isn't working for you and is making you stressed and unhappy. Oh and your husband is a tool. Only less useful.

You say you 'kind of had to' get a job, what does that mean. Can you actually afford to give up work and stay home with the baby for now? And by afford i mean can you keep a roof over your head and pay all the bills on your dh's income. If so give up the job, it isn't working for you and is making you stressed and unhappy. Oh and your husband is a tool. Only less useful.

My DS has just started nursery now at 10 months old. It is really difficult, but it shouldn’t be so difficult for you. Your DH really should be helping you both out!

My DS has just started nursery now at 10 months old. It is really difficult, but it shouldn’t be so difficult for you. Your DH really should be helping you both out!

Op if you can afford to be off work & defer your job (or find another one) then I would.

6months old is tiny, and 10 hours is far too long for a baby to not eat or drink; milk is their main nutrition for the first year. (As I’m sure you know)

If there is anyway in a few months time you could maybe restart childcare and do half days for a while then you can feed your baby before drop off and again at lunchtime , which by that time will likely be more manageable for your little one. And you would likely gain a little more time in the afternoon if your little one follows a ‘typical’ nap schedule and sleeps after lunch.

I hope you manage to make a decision soon and things work out for you.

I totally understand the feelings, I breastfed both DCs and neither of them wanted to take a bottle. So every time I left them even for a few hours I felt uneasy so I can only imagine how you feel...
Many people here would find returning back to work at 6 months is way to early however in may countries in the world it’s considered perfectly fine and children are doing well!
Has he been in a nursery setting for long? Do you think he is still settling in? Saying that I would find him a nanny or childminder and offer him best one to one care possible for at least the next 6 months

Op if you can afford to be off work & defer your job (or find another one) then I would.

6months old is tiny, and 10 hours is far too long for a baby to not eat or drink; milk is their main nutrition for the first year. (As I’m sure you know)

If there is anyway in a few months time you could maybe restart childcare and do half days for a while then you can feed your baby before drop off and again at lunchtime , which by that time will likely be more manageable for your little one. And you would likely gain a little more time in the afternoon if your little one follows a ‘typical’ nap schedule and sleeps after lunch.

I hope you manage to make a decision soon and things work out for you.

This is a really horrible situation to be in but if you can stop work, I really would. Ideally a baby would happily take a bottle and not be at all bothered by their mother going back to work but if a baby is ebf and has a close bond with their mother, they are going to find it very upsetting. A friend tried to give up breast feeding at 6 months because she wanted to go back to work and her daughter stopped putting on weight and ended up being referred to a failure to thrive clinic so it can be quite serious if your baby isn’t ready to take a bottle or eat solids. I’d recommend reading this book as it gives a good perspective on how important your role as a mother is:
www.amazon.co.uk/What-Mothers-Do-especially-nothing/dp/0749926201/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Thank you to the posters here. It's empowered me.

Decided to hire a nanny, I had been interviewing some and found one I liked. So I made her an offer.

She's been over to get to know DS, and he's so taken with her, so I am getting the feeling I made the right choice.

She will start with her in a week. Very very happy!

I was like you OP, DS started nursery and I had no choice. I struggled massively, as he was EBF until then, and although I tried to express, I was producing very little milk and DS didn’t want to take a bottle. I spoke to my employer, and managed to arrange with them and also the nursery that I would use my lunchtime to feed DS, so I’d give him a feed v early, a top up as I dropped him at the nursery, popped in at lunch for a quick feed and then fed again at pick up. Another feed in the evening, and one in the night and we were managing to get enough milk into him that he was fine. He was just starting to wean, as yours may be too, and as he increased food, we were able to reduce day feeds. It was exhausting at first, but the really intense but was only for a few months until he was having more food and less milk. It enabled me to work, which I needed to do, and also to maintain BF until DS was almost two (although the crazy day feeding went long before that!) It’s worth talking to your employer. You are legally entitled to express (I think?) and so feeding your DS isn’t a huge step from there. Good luck!

Just seen your update OP! So glad you have found something that works for you :)