Working from home. Why am I being shouted at over this?!

[RLG1992]

So OH has Covid. We are both teachers. He is secondary and I'm special needs. He's been keeping to the bedroom and using separate toilet etc as I'm trying to avoid me and DS getting it.

I have 2 EHCP zoom meetings to attend today involving deputy head, parents and various specialists. I'd already texted my depth head to say I was looking after DS alone today so bare with me if I needed to sort him out and he was totally fine with this. Asked OH if DS got a bit fussy would he be able to chat with him from the stairs (stargate in between!)
OH flat out refused and went off on a rant and said I shouldn't be having to do this work from home because I'm off.
I pointed out that yes I'm off but I'm not ill so am expected to do some work, especially these meetings which are very important.

He said school aren't making reasonable adjustments and that I need to cancel.

I didn't cancel (obviously) meetings took an hour, DS was fine but now OH is in a huge mood about the whole thing.

AIBU??

I think he's being unreasonable, but I think it's undertandable, and I'd cut him some slack. We've been told how awful COVID is, if I got it, even with mild symptoms, I'd be pretty scared and upset. I would imagine he is feeling the same.

Your OH sounds ridiculous.
A normal person would have said they would try but it may not be much help.
It's hardly anything to rant about. What is his problem?

When I had covid, though my symptoms were mild, I was always terrified of taking a turn for the worse, and waking up in the morning to deteriorated breathing. So I too was grumpy, despite mild symptoms (and DP gave it to me before he started with his symptoms, so we weren't even having to distance).

So it's understandable that he's grumpy, and that perhaps he doesn't want to interact with your son at all through fear of passing it on.

But you're not being unreasonable - as I'm fairly sure that everyone who is isolating but able to work from home would be expected to do so, and provided your son can be looked after while you're working (i.e. your husband talking to him) then that's what must happen.

This will pass, you'll all get through it, and things will get back to normal .. eventually! :)

YANBU.

You are right to work from home and there is no reason why your DH can’t keep an eye on your DS for short periods as you describe if his symptoms are mild. It’s his DS too.

You weren’t asking much at all. Sorry you aren’t getting support when you need it.

Sounds like you have much bigger problems than this situation.

As a teacher he should know full well you will be expected to wfh if just self-isolating. He’s being anyway about this.

Of course you have to do some work from home! I’m a teacher and I am off with Covid - I feel terrible, but I am still having to sort work out for school. It’s taking me a lot longer to plan a lesson than it would usually, but it has to be done.
I’m surprised he hasn’t been asked to do some work.

I'd cut him no slack. Your OH isn't incapacitated and you are being paid. If you are isolating and ben paid to work then it appears, at first glance, to be reasonable to expect you to work? Is it that your DP doesn't want to infect your DC or is he just selfish and hard of thinking?

It just comes across that my job is 'inferior' quite often.

Reading yoru first post I did wonder if this was the underlying issue.

Only thing I can suggest is ignore the mood - and have a frank talk when everything is calmer though when I say talk I expect it will be a series of talks followed by denials on his part and you getting increasingly firm and pissed off till change occurs.

My partner had covid and had no symptoms he actually said he felt better than usual and was only tested as he had to through work. Only mentioning as you said he only gas it mild so YANBU atall OP. He sounds rude.

Gas? I meant has

@Carrotcakey

It has become apparent during the past 9 months that while women are expected to be able to look after their children while WFH or ill. Men are not.

My own family dynamic has regressed to the point where I am making myself ill by trying to do everything at home and work because my husband is apparently incapable of doing more than one thing at once and no one expects him to.

Please start expecting him to.

YANBU BUT he's ill. Let him have this one, OP.

There is another thread where a poster is living with a useless bastard, also.
OP, you do not have to put up with his crap. And, no, he doesn't get a free pass because he is 'ill.' FFS, as well as being symptom-less, covid can be extremely mild and sounds like this is his covid experience.
Personally, I'd get in a shouty mood back. Don't take it lying down-he'll run roughshod over you, in the short-term.
In the longterm, dump the useless fucker!

The requirement to make reasonable adjustments doesn't exist, assuming neither of you are disabled. You were absolutely right: these meetings are really important and, as a teacher himself, he should be well aware of that. Given that you aren't ill yourself, there is no valid reason for missing or cancelling them.

I think that was dreadful behaviour by your dh.

As a teacher, he must know how important EHCP meetings are and how difficult it is to get everyone together.

And how important for you and the child concerned are that the people attending can focus their attention as much as possible.

School don't need to make 'reasonable adjustments'. You're not disabled, you're isolating as someone in your household has tested + for covid and are working from home as much as possible.

This would have really, really got my back up, I'm afraid.

x post MoonJelly!

Your DH was obviously being unreasonable. You're isolating because of him, so you're working from home.

My OH and I have always both worked from home as long as we've had children (oldest now 13). IME you have to be quite clear that they have to be able to mind the kids while you are working, unless they are a lot iller than he sounds to be. It may take arguments to get there but upside is you end up with a much more equal relationship in the end.

From the sound of it you need an hour or two's peace for each meeting - it's not asking that much. But if nothing else works, stick DC in front of the TV for as long as it takes.

@Carrotcakey

It has become apparent during the past 9 months that while women are expected to be able to look after their children while WFH or ill. Men are not.

My own family dynamic has regressed to the point where I am making myself ill by trying to do everything at home and work because my husband is apparently incapable of doing more than one thing at once and no one expects him to.

Really, men have to get used to the reality that they too look after their kids - it's not women's work, especially if they are relying on those women to earn at the same time.

I'm sure we've all looked after small kids while feeling dreadful - I once did during norovirus – it passes and we move on. But fathers can cope too - if they have to.

Even before your update, YWNBU , especially since he has it mild.

After the update,he's definitely a twat and a lazy self important one at that. You need to think if you want this to be the rest of your life. Something needs to change.

(stargate in between!)

Don't know about your little spat with DH but you bloody well win at social distancing.

Or maybe that is just a cracking good typo.

YANBU. He sounds like a self-important arse. Those disputing the 'through the stair gate' thing - the OP had already established with her boss that she might have to go and deal with ds if necessary. So it doesn't seem particularly unreasonable for the (mildly symptomatic) dh to keep up a bit of occasion chatter with him, if OP can come to the rescue in case of the dc having a tantrum etc. Sounds like it's the husband who has the tantrums in your house though OP.

I bet those par