Hi,
So friend and I have been close for about 7 years now. We text pretty much everyday, and try to see each other when we can but that hasn't been in person much this year. recently I just find chatting with her exhausting..
In the past 18 months she's had quite a lot going on, first getting engaged, then buying her house, getting married and now pregnant with her first child. For all of which I couldn't be happier for her! The thing is though, once something is happening in her life she becomes quite obsessed with it, it's all she ever wants to talk about. So at the moment all she'll talk about is the pregnancy, and before it was the wedding, the house, the engagement. No matter what I'm talking about, she brings it back to the pregnancy, and has even just not replied to something I've said, and instead started a new conversation about something baby related. I feel so bad for saying this, but it is so boring (FYI, I have kids, and I've been there with the excitement of my first so I get you want to talk about it, but I would never ever have thought other people would care enough to want to hear about it constantly).
She never asks me any questions, and I've realised she hasn't a clue what is going on in my life because she just hasn't taken any interest in over a year. She knew I hadn't been well at the start of the year, and was going for tests at the hospital... but has never ever asked how they went, or what's happening now with them regarding COVID etc. She's never asked me how my job is going on the midst of all this. Or even how my kids are coping.
I find myself not wanting to text her, because it's so exhausting listening to her talk about herself, and I feel awful for it as it's such an important time of her life. But I think everything that's happened with the lockdown has made me see just how self obsessed she is. Everyone else has been checking in with each other, making sure everyone is doing ok, and she's never asked any of us how we're doing or how we're feeling in it all. When she does, it's alongside a big long message about how she is feeling. Looking back at our messages over the past few months, it's all so one sided - how can she not see this? Or is it that she just doesn't care. You could argue that why am I not just telling her how I am etc, but I have done, and she gives such uninterested replies and then changes the conversation back to revolve around her. And it just hurts. There is quite a lot going on in my life right now with my husband, and family, and she has no idea.
I definitely think it's hurtful more than anything now I've realised it. I'm quite an enthusiastic person, and very much the "go to listener" in our group, but I think now she's taken it too far and has used me as her cheerleader this past year and given nothing back. I imagine no one else would listen to her talking about herself so much, and she's been drawn to me over the past year because I have and now I just feel like she drains me. My goodness, that sounds so awful. I hate this feeling. I want to be there for her at such an important time, but I just feel like I need to start putting myself first, and focusing on the friends who put in as much effort as I do.
Does that make sense? Am I expecting too much from her? I honestly don't think the friendship is doing either of us any favours at the moment. But I obviously don't want to cause her any stress. Should I just stop expecting anything from her and get on with it?