To be struggling with this transition?

[snugglepuff]

Hi.. I've recently been made redundant and am currently on garden leave. I'm due my 4th child in a few months so won't be looking for a new job just yet.

I'm getting a good redundancy package so thankfully money isn't a problem in the short term future.

My older kids are all school age and I'm loving the extra time with them. I'm enjoying having a more organised house and time to cook healthy meals all week. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and the alone time whilst the children are at school.

However I'm really struggling internally with the transition to my new 'role'.

I've never been unemployed and always been successful in my career. My husband referred to me as a 'homemaker' and it irked me so much. (Please no disrespect to homemakers, it's a vital role, Ive just never done it full time aside of mat leave). This isn't who I've been my entire adult life.

Any advice if you have been through a similar journey?
I feel like I'm mourning my professional life and that a huge part of my identity is suddenly just gone.

I know that’s not what you are asking - but did you get legal advice before you accepted the redundancy?

Don't give it up, would be my advice. I mean, not completely. Can you do some occasional consultancy work? Or volunteer your skills part-time to a charity or similar?

@S00LA yeah it was all done professionally and regulations followed, unions involved etc. I was one of about 800 unfortunately

@ShowingOut I hadn't thought of volunteering. This is only my 2nd day and I think I'm so overwhelmed, I haven't even thought of that! Thank you.

My older kids are all school age and I'm loving the extra time with them. I'm enjoying having a more organised house and time to cook healthy meals all week. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and the alone time whilst the children are at school.

However I'm really struggling internally with the transition to my new 'role'.

I've never been unemployed and always been successful in my career. My husband referred to me as a 'homemaker' and it irked me so much. (Please no disrespect to homemakers, it's a vital role, Ive just never done it full time aside of mat leave). This isn't who I've been my entire adult life.

You’re contradicting yourself, and insulting other women. Probably because you are hung up on particular words and stereotypes.

If you’re enjoying the time at home, then for now you definitely are a homemaker/SAHM/full time parent. You’re not unemployed. Lots of parents get thrown into an involuntary period of SAHPing, because of redundancy, illness or disability. Just try to relax and enjoy the opportunity instead of worrying about the stigma you’ve attached to it all.

@GroundAlmonds it's not about stigma, it's how I feel. I said in my OP that I mean no disrespect to homemakers... it's a bloody hard job and I could never do it full time which is probably why I feel this way.
I know it won't be this way forever, maybe 3-5 years. I guess the uncertainty of it all is making me feel unstable and anxious

Try not to think it's "all or nothing". There are many ways for you to keep your eye in, and maybe do a bit of work. I know exactly how you feel, and that's what I did.

Volunteering as a school governor is very rewarding and is mentally challenging and schools are often short of governors. You could contact the LA to find out if there are any community governor vacancies.
doesn't have to be your kids school.
This gap I would try and mentally consider as extended mat leave.

I totally get you, OP. Your job is part of your identity. I was a SAHM when my DC were little and this is something I struggled with too. I loved being a mum and spending time with them, but it just didn't feel like "me". Or at least not the whole of me - it felt like something was missing.

Volunteering is a good idea as others have suggested. And try to keep up with your skills, anything that will help with your eventual return to the workplace. Freelancing? When I was a SAHM I worked very very part time (just a few hours a month) marking assignments for people taking a qualification in my field.

Talk to your DH and try to explain how you're feeling. Homemaker isn't an insult but if there is a description you would prefer, ask him to use that.

Why would it be 3-5 years?
You enjoy being employed, you don’t particularly want to be a SAHM.
So why not enjoy the rest until you baby is born, take 12 months “maternity leave” and start job hunting 9 months into that?

I also don't get why it needs to be 3-5 years?

You could easily start your own business...