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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH doing this tomorrow

63 replies

Dinosaur01 · 03/11/2020 10:51

DH has been invited out for work drinks all afternoon tomorrow. Meeting in a pub with at least 9 others (2 separate tables) obviously not going to be sensible with distancing when they’re drunk. Isn’t this breaking the rules? It’s got my back up a bit as we have a young child and I’m pregnant so feel like he’s unnecessarily breaking the rules and putting everyone at risk. Happy to be told IABU and miserable!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dinosaur01 · 03/11/2020 12:54

You say in your OP that he's unnecessarily breaking the rules, but he's not, is he? He's saying he's going to stick to the rules. if he’s going out as a group of 10 then surely he is?

OP posts:
MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 03/11/2020 12:54

If he thinks this is reasonable, then what's his rationale for not going into the office every day?
I'd be pissed off. As a pregnant woman you especially don't want to be risking Covid for something which is totally unnecessary.

roarfeckingroarr · 03/11/2020 12:54

@Dinosaur01

Yes it’s not a meeting at all, they’ve booked the afternoon off and are having a ‘last piss up’, don’t know why it’s so urgent, the pubs will only be closed a month ffs.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants I agree! I don’t think he would go back to someone’s house but once they’ve had a drink who knows 🙄 if that were to happen I’d likely tell him to stay somewhere else for the quarantine period until he can return home

Do you really believe pubs will only be shut for four weeks?
Original poster
Dinosaur01 · 03/11/2020 12:57

roarfeckingroarr it’s not really a case of ‘believing’.. those are the guidelines we’ve been given so that’s what I’m going by. Even if it’s longer, what’s the desperate need to get to the pub?

OP posts:
RichardMarxisinnocent · 03/11/2020 12:57

@ReindeersAreBetterThanHumans

All the pubs around here constantly keep their eyes on the customers. It’s table service only anyway so barring toilet runs or cigs outside everyone stays sat down anyway.
Do they also make sure that people who are at the same table but from different households are distanced from each other? Pretty sure most pub tables aren't large enough to allow for that,but it is what should be happening.
GabsAlot · 03/11/2020 12:58

he sounds like a child i dont want to miss out-he hasnt seen anyone i get it but now going outwit 10 people for a piss up

its ignorant

Eckhart · 03/11/2020 13:00

if he’s going out as a group of 10 then surely he is

Not if they stick to the social distancing rules. If he's saying he will, and you don't trust him, you have more of a problem than this trip to the pub.

nosswith · 03/11/2020 13:01

Unreasonable workplace in my view as well as DH with you. I'd be keeping people apart if I ran a business and not having such an event.

Eckhart · 03/11/2020 13:03

what’s the desperate need to get to the pub

He wants to spend time with his mates because he won't be able to see them for a few weeks, if not more. You are more cautious than him, but that doesn't mean you're right and he's wrong.

Do you often have this sort of disagreement? It just feels like there's more to it than this. Is he often dismissing your opinions about things?

MistressIggi · 03/11/2020 13:06

I've missed lots of nights out and birthday celebrations due to the rules. I'd be pissed off at people trying to get round them like this.

diddl · 03/11/2020 13:08

Isn't the problem that you think he'll get drunk/not be sensible?

DieSchottin93 · 03/11/2020 13:08

This is precisely why my work won't take larger bookings split across more than one table, because people can't be trusted not to keep swapping seats despite what they may say to the contrary when they try to book. YANBU OP.

Original poster
Dinosaur01 · 03/11/2020 13:10

Eckhart my problem is that he’s only very close friends with one other person who will be there, the others are colleagues who he couldn’t care less if he never saw again to be honest, so I’m frustrated that he’s meeting such a large group when he needn’t! If he was meeting 5 close friends at the pub then there would be no issue at all. Drunk people will find it harder to social distance, that’s really a given. There is no huge underlying relationship issue and if I told him I was really really uncomfortable with him going then he wouldn’t. I don’t want to ruin his outing but just wanted to see if my frustrations were valid.

OP posts:
RoseTintedAtuin · 03/11/2020 13:11

While I understand your concern, I can also see the benefit of meeting up with colleagues, getting a bit of a break from the tedium and speaking and being in the presence of other people. If he’s wfh since March then he likely will get a huge benefit from having a social meeting. As for the limits if they are at separate tables then all it means is that out of 50 people he will know 10 of them. May not be able to speak to those furthest away but still happy to be in their presence. I realise the benefit you get from this is minimal and you share the risk but from his perspective he is sticking to guidance to minimise risk and could just as easily pick it up in the shops getting groceries.

Original poster
Dinosaur01 · 03/11/2020 13:14

RoseTintedAtuin a fair point indeed, but grocery shopping is an essential, a gathering in a large group at the pub is not essential, although good for your mental health to get some socialising

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 03/11/2020 13:14

As a business meeting it is apparently allowed. Yes it's fuckjng ridiculous.

Eckhart · 03/11/2020 13:14

I kind of think you're both right... it's a fine line. I can understand why you find it annoyingly unnecessary, yes, but I can understand also why he might think you're being super cautious. It would be nice if he could be a bit more respectful of your caution, though, given that you're pregnant.

Hope he doesn't keep doing this kind of stuff, for your sake, OP. I'd drop it if it's a one-off, though.

pipnchops · 03/11/2020 13:16

YANBU sadly I think many people have this mindset to cram in as much "normal" activity into these last few days of relative freedom. It misses the point really. I would not be happy if my DH was doing this. It always annoys me that the government leave such a big gap between announcing new changes and then them coming into effect and it encourages this sort of behaviour from people who just can't see the bigger picture.

Original poster
Dinosaur01 · 03/11/2020 13:17

It is a one off so I’ll leave him be and not say anymore about it. He absolutely does deserve a break - it’s my own COVID concerns which have lead to this post. Thanks all for your opinions

OP posts:
YoniAndGuy · 03/11/2020 13:20

REALLY hate people like this.

Covid spreading... need to lock down... ooooh let's do exactly the opposite at the very last minute.

cushioncovers · 03/11/2020 13:23

How sensible can he be ? Unless he's wearing a face covering and social distancing from all the others when he's in the pub then he ms going to be mixing with them. 🤷🏻‍♀️ bit silly to start doing it now as we go into LD if he's been WFH this entire time. Yanbu op.

Scottishskifun · 03/11/2020 13:26

It's pretty stupid TBH only need one of the group to be positive and that's you and your family self isolating for 2 weeks. It's not worth the risk for a pint with colleagues!

It does break the rules regardless of 2 tables as your also supposed to not move about tables.
Given your pregnant I would suggest that he have a greater concern for his family then having a jolly with them.
If he wants to meet 1-2 then that would be a compromise and less risk due to less people. Basic maths if 8 people are in regular contact with only 2 others that's 24 potential sources...... Compared to 6 meeting 2 others (that's also a really low estimate of contact too)

MintyMabel · 03/11/2020 13:38

it’s my own COVID concerns which have lead to this post.

They should be important to him too.

I struggle sometimes with anxieties about it, OH has been pretty good at doing stuff because he knows it helps with that. He wouldn’t dream of going to the pub, knowing how I feel about it.

We all need a break. That doesn’t need to be going for a piss up in the pub.

notalwaysalondoner · 03/11/2020 13:51

If you don't have any major risk factors, and they don't mix the tables, then it's fine. The poor pubs are all going to struggle as it is, without people freaking out about people doing things that are within the rules. Having a drink with 6 colleagues is still allowed in the Tier 1 areas. You may not have done it yourself but I think asking your DH to miss out on what is likely to be the last pub trip for months is unreasonable.

sacchariferous · 03/11/2020 13:55

I don't get the angst myself. They group is split between two tables. The tables will be well spaced apart and no mingling allowed. Pubs are table service only. Pubs do not have a legal obligation to police this, but they are, because they have a moral one and a commercial interest in not doing anything that may result in them losing more business than they already are.

I predict the huge number of applications to convert pubs into private dwellings in 2021. Most just can't survive another lockdown. Sad