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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with how he addressed me?

114 replies

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 03/11/2020 10:39

I am an expert in my field. Got a random linkedin message from a man who is specialising in my field, he wants to make connections with people like me, fair enough.

He addressed me as "Dear Dr/Mamma "

I've half a mind to message him back to point out that he's being unprofessional/crass/women can be described as other than holding a doctorate or being a parent.

AIBU to think "fuck off"?

Or, is this just a cultural difference between a surly Scottish woman and an enthusiastic USA male?

OP posts:
User478 · 03/11/2020 11:28

If you're interested in pursuing the connection reply and include "going forward I would prefer to be be addressed as Dr Stone or Sharron (or whatever your name is) and certainly not Mamma as in your initial contact" I suspect you'll get a groveling apology for a typo.
If not (or if he continues to call you mum) then block and move on.

contrmary · 03/11/2020 11:28

Weird isn't, someone from a different culture addresses you in a different way to what you'd expect from someone in your culture, therefore THEY MUST BE WRONG.

CounsellorTroi · 03/11/2020 11:30

Must be a typo. How would he know whether you are a parent or not?

SoupDragon · 03/11/2020 11:34

I'm glad I asked, it probably is a typo. Agree, though, what a poor impression he's given of himself.

If it was a typo he will be cringing. You only have to read all the "least professional moments" threads on MN to know this sort of thing isn't uncommon 😂

LEELULUMPKIN · 03/11/2020 11:36

I visit the USA a lot and get called Ma'am all the time. It's deffo a typo.

Viviennemary · 03/11/2020 11:38

What a silly fuss about nothing. It's probably a cultural thing.

oakleaffy · 03/11/2020 11:39

Hopefully Typo.
How would he know you are a mother?
Ma'am sounds far more likely.

RandallBoggs · 03/11/2020 11:39

@WitchesSpelleas

"Thanks for your enquiry, son."
I don’t know why but this has really tickled me Grin
needanewidea · 03/11/2020 11:42

Why would he need to say Ma'am when the OP's a Dr though?

Does he also say Dr/sir to men or just Dr?

oakleaffy · 03/11/2020 11:42

@LEELULUMPKIN

I visit the USA a lot and get called Ma'am all the time. It's deffo a typo.
I haven't visited USA, but while in Villefranche {SM} there was an American Frigate moored in the deep harbour there...and they did free tours of the ship.

I was in my 20's and referred to as ''Ma'am'' which I thought was really charming.

PolarBearStrength · 03/11/2020 11:47

Is he definitely American? This is usual in the Philippines IME.

HoppingPavlova · 03/11/2020 11:48

I’m assuming it was an unfortunate auto-correct.

BigGlasses · 03/11/2020 11:49

I'm with needanewidea and think that the typo is the least of his problems. To me it is sexist - I'm not normally get offended this way. It looks like he assumes Dr is male. It's either Sir/Ma'am or Dr. If he meant Dr then there was absolutely no need for the Ma'am.

quickkimchi · 03/11/2020 11:50

Ffs it may be a typo (for what I don't know) but as HollowTalk said it isn't used in a professional context and Americans never say Ma'am Surname.

Ma'am, your table is ready.
Yes ma'am.
Please follow me ma'am.
Can I help you ma'am?

Dear Sir or Madam, not ma'am.

Never Dear Ma'am Surname.

PolarBearStrength · 03/11/2020 11:50

@PolarBearStrength

Is he definitely American? This is usual in the Philippines IME.
Assuming it’s a typo of Ma’am anyway.
Bidl · 03/11/2020 11:54

I voted YABU because I think it could be a typo/cultural communication breakdown.

amusedbush · 03/11/2020 11:56

I worked in university admissions previously and I had emails from applicants in East African countries addressing me as mum! I assumed they meant ma'am/madam but after the third one I was a bit Confused

Marmunia1975 · 03/11/2020 11:56

Following with interest! Go for it.

kleew1 · 03/11/2020 11:56

I'd guess typo and he meant to write madam?

BreakfastOfWaffles · 03/11/2020 11:58

It's almost certainly a typo. Is he a good connection for you professionally? If so then just ignore it and reply to his message. If not then ignore his connection request.

Milknosugarthx · 03/11/2020 11:58

Quite possibly a typo. I wouldn't be too harsh on him for a start as you just don't know. But I agree, if it wasn't a typo then it's definitely inappropriate.

Bluntness100 · 03/11/2020 12:00

Lol. Great typo, I very much doubt he was calling you mamma, 😂😂😂

LiveFatsDieYoGnu · 03/11/2020 12:06

If it's not a typo it could be an unfortunate mistranslation from a language like German where titles get added together e.g. I would be Frau Doktor Gnu.

TibetanTerrier · 03/11/2020 12:09

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Perhaps from the US but from a different culture?
Absolutely a different culture. I've lived in the US - it's a foreign land with a very different culture. An American friend who lives in the UK says the same about us.
Derbee · 03/11/2020 12:24

I’m sure it was a typo and he’s cringing. Easy enough to reply “to avoid any future confusion, Dr Vivarium is my preferred title”. I wouldn’t overthink it tbh