To worry I'm not a good mum

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Does anyone else do this? I know I'm not terrible, I love my kids, I try and be patient and do all the right things. But I feel (increasingly) that I'm letting them down. Do I play with them enough? Am I getting at them / nagging them too much? I feel so tired a lot of the time that I feel like I'm doing the bare minimum and it doesn't feel good!

Hi op . You are a good mum , if you weren't you wouldn't be worrying.

Weve all been there ,good days bad days, sometimes ut seems more bad than good .
Just do what you can , if that means the bare minimum for a bit then do that .
But try to take time for yourself, easier said than done I know.

Try not worry it will be fine

The fact you’re worrying if you’re a good mum shows that you are a good mum!

Thank you. Is that really true though? Does everyone have off days? I just keep seeing people who are full of energy and having so much fun with their kids. I feel like I'm managing them rather than enjoying them.

You say 'kids'. As in plural. More than one. Of course you're bloody tired!

I just keep seeing people who are full of energy and having so much fun with their kids

Where do you see these people? On social media, I bet. If it was a friend feeling bad about this, you'd tell them that nobody ever posts the bad bits, only the 'making memories' bollocks, wouldn't you? You'd tell them that two minutes after that picture was taken, little Octavia was screaming the house down because Tarquin wouldn't give her the blue felt tip pen. And you'd be right.

The very fact you are worrying indicates you are a fab mum. Are they clean? Are they fed? Are they cuddled? Do they laugh? If all these things happen then you are doing just fine!

Op I have these thoughts everyday. I am lucky that my exh is a brilliant father and also a good friend so I do get a break.
For you to worry about it shows you're a good parent. I find myself losing patience and being short with them sometimes. I think we're all on edge right now. Which is understandable. None of us are perfect. I just wanted you to know you're not the only one feeling this. You're doing a great job. And sometimes we don't want to do arts and crafts or read about biff and kipper because it's soul destroying a lot of the time. Especially when we're constantly worrying about what's for dinner and the consistent amount of washing etc. I'm on a night shift right now but I'm wishing for Friday when I'm going to have some wine and let them play on their consoles and ipad whilst we wait for our take out to arrive

Also check my username. I was a young mum when I had my first and made myself ill trying to be the mums you see on social media whilst doing a nursing degree and working. Convinced myself my kids wouldn't love me if I didn't spend every waking moment entertaining them with bloody walks and mud pies etc. They just want to feel loved. We play board games and chat about their day over chicken nuggets. They know they're loved and cared for. That is enough

Well - it is a balance. Yes, you should be enjoying your kids, if you aren't it doesn't necessarily mean you are a bad mum but it does mean you are missing out. On the other hand I seriously doubt there are many parents who are always having fun with their kids. We all have to step into boring parent mode sometimes and set boundaries, provide discipline, distribute chores, ignore them completely while we do 60 other urgent tasks, badger them to do homework etc.

If you are working full time too, it leaves little space to be fun mummy.

How old are your kids?

They're 4 and 6.

I know I'd give the same advice to a friend, but you're right everything feels so on edge at the moment. It's hard.

The way I look at it is this. I’m they’re only mum and I’m trying extremely hard to be the best person I can be under (often) extreme provocation. I forgive myself my bad days and try extra hard to have better days.

I’m fair. I adore them. I do sometimes get cross but I’m also fun and give lots of praise. None of us are perfect, I think it’s also an important lesson for children to understand is that we sometimes screw up and I always apologise if I get it wrong or react in a way I regret later.

Don’t try to be perfect. Be the best version of you you can be.

The fact you’re worrying if you’re a good mum shows that you are a good mum

Umm, no, that isn't the case - you can worry that you are a bad parent and still be one. My mother used to go through terrible weeping spells when she agonised about "being a terrible mother" and asking for reassurance that she wasn't. She was a pretty rubbish parent, but of course all her friends reassured her that she was doing her best, hardest job in the world, kids don't come with a manual, etc.

I'm not saying this is you AT ALL, OP but I don't like it when I see "only good parents worry about being good parents" as if the worrying was the important bit.

You've said yourself OP. It's your constant worrying that will exhaust you and stop you from doing the things you are worried about.

As parents, we are the most important people in our kids' lives, but not the only ones. This drive for perfection is only raiding kids with huge expectations of perfection and entitlement.

Relax, the best mums are not the most perfect ones.

Also never ask on Mumsnet whether you are a good mother. The resounding answer will always be no. This place is the last place to come for reassurance or empathy.

Everyone feels this way op.

I still feel this way with my 9 year old and my 19 month old.

Me too. I’m very grumpy.

Someone told me that a good mum will often think she's a bad mum and that speaks volumes. I don't know you. But from your op I can deduce that you're a wonderfully caring mother who just wants to do her very best. We all have self doubt moment's. As long as our kids are fed, clothed and are warm, happy, healthy and safe.. I think we're all doing a good job.

Ditch the guilt - good enough is good enough.

I used to work with children who were properly deprived and it made me feel much better about my own parenting!

OP I feel like this most of the time. I work FT (from home) all the hours God sent. I often don't have quality time to spend my my kid. I crucify myself over the fact that she sometimes has to spend time on YouTube because I am working.

I watch other parents who don't work or don't work as much who plan crafting and fun things to do with their kids and I feel like killing myself.

I know in my rational mind that I'm doing what I have to to support my kid but about half the time I feel like a terrible mother.

But I am sensible enough to realise that I'm probably not the world's worst mother and I'm sure you're not.

Good parenting doesn't require you to be constantly enthralled by everything your children does. You sound like a conscientious and loving mother. Go easy on yourself.

I doubt myself all the time OP but we’re human & can only do our best. I try to hold onto the positives. DD11 is hormonal & often tells me to go away. Yet when I told her I would have to work until 9.15 one night, she said “ Aww, then you won’t be able to put me to bed & read to me”. If your kids know that you will always have their back, that’s a damn good start!