To ask if anyone else has plunged into a horrible depression recently?

[SweetCruciferous]

First lockdown was a weird time and all and a bit claustrophobic with some low moments but manageable. At times it was also even quite pleasant and cosy, and I enjoyed the increased opportunities available to get involved in new stuff online (‘hey there’s a Bhangra class in LA on Tuesday morning!’)

But at some point recently things have plunged mentally (for me) and it just feels like a Netherland of unrelenting swampy gloom.

There are contributing worries/issues in my own life which were there before all this happened, however they no longer seem resolvable – it sort of feels like the die is cast, which I wonder/suppose is at least in part to do with the fact that life is kind of suspended and it’s difficult to focus on the future or positive change. I am no longer approaching things with a ‘good attitude’

Just wondering if it’s just me or if others are experiencing similar at the mo?!?

YANBU - can relate
YABU - can’t relate

Sending love and hugs OP and PPs it’s been so hard. I’ve had PND I think due to lockdown and all the difficulties and issues that’s thrown with having a baby and older DC. Never suffered with MH before. I’ve started medication and actually feel myself coping better day to day and finding joy again in small things (mainly my kids). I feel like I have a couple of months left and if there isnt some kind of end in sight I’m going to hit another wall.

Me too. The good bits of life do have a positive impact, but that benefit doesn't last. So a lovely walk is lovely, and then ... back to this grey immediacy, like living staring at a grey wall. Nothing to anticipate, no surprises, no spontaneity, any change is for the worse. Lethargic, demotivated and increasingly unable to manage my emotions. Bah.

Yep. It's building on and off but getting worse as time goes on. I've had panic attacks, anxiety and depression is back, started phone counselling and considering antidepressants.

Two young children, one with additional needs. I'm also dealing with a health problem and fighting for my son's school statement and support for school. Also constant SALT tasks and exercises to do.

No one knows what I'm dealing with as I'm putting on a brave face. Trying to see the positives in every day but it's getting more and more difficult. Poor DH is being ignored as I haven't got the mentally energy to talk to him by the end of the day. My friends complain of being fed up and down, so I don't like to burden them. I bottle everything up and there's no end in sight. My kids are my only reason for getting out of bed every day

Me. I was on AD before Corona. Overall, I thought I'd got through the first lockdown ok all things considered and it was dealing with a lot of pre CV-19 shite anyway.

Now I just feel so ground down by it all. Sometimes it feels like a physical weight bearing down on me. Sometimes it feels unbearable.

I keep telling myself it wont be forever. I have 40-50 years of life to live (hopefully) and at some point, all this will be a memory.

I'm so glad it's not me. I coped OK with the first lockdown. I don't have a huge social life so it didn't feel like a big change. And I loved having time with my daughter.
But last week I cracked. I just wanted to run away and kept crying. I felt so anxious and like I wasn't in my body. I feel a bit better this week. I'm being careful about what I watch on TV and only reading nice comforting books. And I've cut caffeine out completely.

Yes. I'm feeling so blue now. Nothing to look forward to. No Xmas parties. I miss my colleagues. I miss it all. You're not alone OP

I wouldn't say a depression, but I'm having to massively put my head in the sand or I think I'd worry myself into paralysis.

Everytime things start to pick up and feel normal for a bit, we seem to go back to square one. I find the seesaw of uncertainty harder to deal with than lockdown.

Brexit too. I am a remainer, but I'm not rabidly so, so the thought of Brexit alone didn't worry me, but the inept way it's been handled has. I'm quite a positive person, so for months I thought it would be a close call but would eventually be sorted. Now, after seeing how covid has been dealt with, I feel that it's going to be worst case scenario after all, and January is going to see us running out of food and medication at the tail end of a covid packed winter.

I find myself defaulting to worst case scenario as a matter of course now- I'd bet the farm that trump will get in again for example

I genuinely wonder sometimes if the UK will even exist this time next year.

Having awful dreams, anxiety coming to the surface constantly. Hugs to all xx

Angry, mostly. I have adult DC and primary aged DC and they're all being screwed by lockdown. My MH is through the floor.

Yeah, me too. I work in a secondary school and should have really gone in one day of the half term last week. For the first time ever I just couldn't face it. I just needed a completely break from even thinking about it. But ironically I spent all week worrying about everything else non-work related! EVERYTHING! What if this, what if that, how will we manage this or that? What will happen to the kids' exams? Plus other worse stuff to do with close relatives and declining health.

I just feel I am worrying about the whole world.

I felt right at the beginning of this, that ultimately, the biggest toll would be on mental health and I think that’s still the case. I don’t know anyone whose mental health has t been affected in some way. That’s not even considering all the routine medical and surgical things that aren’t taking place just now.

It just has to be one day at a time and hope and prayer (if that’s your thing).

Yes.

First black strands in the last days of Feb when we got our first case and the supermarket got stripped bare within hours. Then yellow zoned, then red zoned. Then the deaths in our town went from trickle to flow. Followed by the deaths of friends due to delayed medical care for non Covid health issues.

Then I got "totally horizontal" sick for a month (ended up in ER, wasn't tested cos my cough wasn't persistent enough, fever too low grade and only lasted a week, chest x-ray clear, ruling out a stroke seemed to be the thing they were most concerned about, I now have phobia of CAT scans with contrast, did not like)

New GP (former retired pronto beginning of March) took one look at me and put me on anti depressants. Had to suspend cos I was in such a weakened physical state just a few drops turned me into a dribbling crumpled zombie with no working legs. We've tried again this last ten days. There is a definite improvement. The contrast in mood is so obvious that I'm a little stunned I hadn't realised just how bad I'd got.

They give me a weird kind of indigestion, I have to take them at night rather than the morning the doc would prefer cos I can't be sleepy and teach. But they are possibly magic and they have become my favourite thing on the planet.

Especially as the new curfews roll in, the doom and gloom intensified and my friends become ever more polarised. Each "side" assuming the other one must be a nonni killing monster/civil liberties hating dictatorship supporter.

Personally I'd prefer a national policy of voluntary shielding with huge resources provided to support the vulnerable and fewer restrictions for everybody else so Italy doesn't sink forever under a crashed economy that can't pay for the unavoidable The Alps Sized debt created by Covid. But it's really hard to have a civil conversation these days, even with people who for decades have consistently been entirely reasonable humans who take nuanced view as a rule.

I can stop none of it. I just have to get through it. One way or another. I'm going to try this med induced calm swan glide (emotionally and mentally at least, all bets off physically cos am still a bit wobbly on my pins) rather than the "Pootle and his MASSIVE BLACK CLOUD" style I had in the last trip through it all going bent.

God I hope the meds keep working for the long haul. If they stop being effective ... I don't know if I can cope now I've felt the contrast.

Typed a long heartfelt post. Accidentally deleted it. Can’t be arsed to try again.

Feels a bit like a symbol for my general operating level and mood.

A PP mentioned awful dreams. Yes. I’ve been having these dreadful lucid dreams and waking up with a raised heart rate.

I’m wfh and struggling to focus/care even though I like my job and my boss is great.

I long for a lively bar, or the roar of a crowd in a sports stadium.

well put, OP. I can definitely relate too
Solidarity to all ✊

Yes I'm struggling I'm crying at everything and I dont want to feel this way anymore. I'm trying to be positive I keep thinking I shoild get out for a walk in fresh air to help me but I dont vicious circle

Another one here who has never suffered mental health issues (godawful PMS aside). I keep snapping at the tiniest irritant, worry about my kids only being in school for 2.5 hours a day, and wonder when the hell I will see my parents again (I’m overseas; they are in the UK).

We are actually in an okay spot where I am in the US, but my despair is compounded by the looming election. I had the misfortune of driving alongside a Trump rally on the highway a week ago and it sent me into emotional free fall. It honestly felt like I was witnessing the rise of the Third Reich.

I'm sorry so many of you are feeling like this, but also relieved it's not just me.

I've never had MH issues, always been a pretty patient and calm person. I'm now verging between rage on a scale which scares me and tearful depression and hopelessness. There are family reasons that play into this, but covid (and the crushing sense of the government's total incompetence) which has made it happen.

I'm just glad I have the children and need to put on a good face for them because it is stopping me completely losing it.

Definitely can relate to this. Last lockdown I could see a light at the end of the tunnel sort of thing. The thought of it being over kept me going. Now it just feels so bleak, I'm so tired of it all and the future feels so uncertain and scary. I'm trying to find the good in everything and be positive, but it's getting harder.

I feel like you OP. My husband is very controlling and angry. I've coped with it by developing friendships and hobbies outside of the home. I finally decided to sort something out at the beginning of the year. I went to the doctors to get help with the anxiety and got in touch with Women'should Aid. Then the first lockdown started. I coped but it was such a relief when I could start seeing friends again. This time I don't feel so brave.

I am a resilient person. I lost my dad suddenly when he was young. Ive been sexually assaulted in the past and had several miscarriages and managed to bounce back. The only reason I'm not giving up is for my daughter but I am just existing at the moment.

I thought I was ok. I've always been prone to depression, but managed working from home ok. Partly back to work and loving it, but the uncertainty of the last few weeks regarding lockdown has got to me. I'm flying off the handle with DH for no real reason, my sleep pattern is horrendous, awful anxiety dreams, and very teary. Upset that the gym and pool are closing - I'd been going three times a week and feeling the benefit. All this in the last month.

Oh and desperately worried about Brexit and rising food prices.

@reepicheepsconscience I hear you about the gym and the pool. It has been the thing that took the edge off the negative feelings for me in the last few weeks and now that has gone too. I guess I will have to try to get into outdoor running, but it's hard when it rains most of the time and is dark by 4pm. And yes, I'm really worried about Brexit too.

The only plus side is that I don't really want to eat much, so it's unlikely that lack of exercise will make me put on weight!

Argh I clicked I can’t relate by mistake, so the voting is off by 1 vote anyway! I can TOTALLY relate. I am very down. I have also been made redundant.

My DH's already poor mental health has taken a dive and I'm snappy and critical with him. I'm feeling teary today too.