Is My Husband Being Unreasonable

[Middicat]

My husband has always enjoyed a drink albeit lager. He now drinks most nights (only exceptions when he plays squash once maybe twice a week). He is fit and healthy and 55 years old. He drinks 4 up to 6 bottles of Cobra and some nights can get a bit argumentative and plays devils advocate over issues that he knows winds me up. We have been married 9 years and he has always drunk (I don't) and it has always annoyed me but now I am much more conscious of it as we have an 18 month old daughter who is starting to see the change in him I think and of course me when I get frustrated and argumentative back. Last night he was horrible and it is a worry now. We are planning another child. I know times are hard and he was made redundant so is frustrated but tbh he has been like this for a very long time. Help..... He is generally a good father.

A 55 year old unemployed argumentative alcoholic is going to have to try hard if he’s going to be a suitable prospect for parenthood.

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

A 55 year old unemployed argumentative alcoholic is going to have to try hard if he’s going to be a suitable prospect for parenthood.

In a nutshell.

You say your daughter is 18 months old? Is that right or did you mean 18 years? Presumably you are somewhere near the same age as your DH?

@Middicat Do you mean you would adopt or use egg donation?

OP may well be much younger than her husband.

But definitely don't have a second child with this man. He's alcohol dependent and that usually gets worse, not better. He's also drinking your household budget and not contributing financially, which isn't good.

Is this every night?

What are his job prospects? What are yours?

Pandemic, potential for more lockdowns and job losses, Brexit job losses etc, drinking... I would not be getting pregnant again at this time.

The problem is, if he has a drunk dependency he won’t stop just because you want him to. And it will get worse.

TBH, if I were 55 with an 18 month old, I think I’d take to drink! And he’s just been made redundant, too. He’s not in a good place. Put your plans for a second child on hold. He needs help.

@Fairyliz

Sorry but I think he is too old to have another baby without the drinking. Add in the drinking and lack of money and you would be mad to contemplate another child.

Agree. He is grandad age, and that amount of alcohol at his age doesn't bode well for a long healthy life of fatherhood.

TestingTesting has it covered. And my DP is your husbands age, and has Grandkids in High School. Think about it op...

He has no job, drinks too much and gets nasty when drunk
Why the hell would you have another baby?

So having picked an older drink dependent father for your first child, you are now thinking about going double or nothing?

Dont.do.it.

@pointythings I have sent you a PM .

Just to add to what everyone else is saying...

Also telling you that you need to lose weight (presumably when you have these conversations sober) is a particularly nasty and illogical comeback.

You want him to stop drinking because of his behaviour towards you and the effect on your daughter, as well as the health benefits. Presumably he wants you to lose weight for cosmetic reasons, or is he concerned for the effects on your health? Either way it doesn't directly affect him like his drinking affects you.

Would you be comfortable going out for the evening and leaving him in sole charge of your daughter? If not then his drinking is making you be on duty every single evening which would also piss me off