AIBU to ask: Is Covid making people politer or ruder?

[NextTimeHookItsYouOnThePlank]

Till today I'd have said politer - walking in our nearby park I find people nod, smile and thank each other as they give each other a wide berth.

But I've just been into our local town centre, and I've come on here to let off steam.

I was in M&S in a shopping mall, and had just found the loos were closed. No problem, there were public ones on the same level a few seconds walk away. Then I saw a woman approach the M&S ones, see they were closed, then head for the stairs.

I knew she could get to the public one faster by going out of the doors on the level we were on, so I called after her “You don't need to go downstairs - “ Before I could say any more she said “I don't know what you're on about” and went on down.

OK, maybe my mask was obscuring my words. But then a woman coming up the stairs, obviously a stranger to her as well as to me, said to her “Go on – don't you let anyone tell you what to do!”

What's the point of trying to help people?!

Should have said:

YABU - they're politer
YANBU - they're ruder

I think it’s made the polite people politer and the rude or stupid people ruder.

It sounds like a misunderstanding tbh. I haven't noticed people being more rude in real life, people are generally more polite, giving people space etc

Ruder. Much, much ruder. Especially some women my age who appear not to have heard of masks or social distancing.

I work in retail

Ruder....100%

Thinking about this now (a day later), I've got an idea. I didn't notice if either of them was wearing a mask, but if they weren't, and they couldn't make out my words because of my mask, maybe they assumed I was trying to tell her off for not wearing one.

If that's the case, then yes a misunderstanding – but one that makes me think people are paranoid!

You say there are lots of instances of people being politer, and one instance of them being ruder. So surely the answer is in your experience people are generally politer?

a bit of both. I think people are edgier, and stress can cause some people to shout out. I was like this at the beginning, really quite panicky about going in shops (back when we couldn't book online deliveries). I was rude to staff at the pharmacy, after queueing three times for an hour each time when they didn't have the medicine for my elderly mother in law, I would normally never be rude to staff. I was so apologetic afterwards.

Don't beat yourself up though.

Agree that this sounds like a misunderstanding and masks really obscure faces as well as muffle speech.

I find that people I work with are becoming more fractious, myself included. I think we're all just a bit stir crazy and stressed about the near future, never mind longer term.

She probably misinterpreted what you said. It's hard to communicate with masks on. People can't read your facial expressions nor you theirs. Speaking through a mask is muffled and some people need to read your lips...

I find people are a lot less friendly overall because of the masks.

The biggest issue with with anxious people who are now consuming so much paranoid fearmongering that they're making themselves mentally ill.

My daughter (wearing her mask, holding my hand and socially distanced from others) commented about a man who jumped in terror and ran to another aisle in the supermarket when he saw her. She thought it was hilarious. Batshit behaviour.

I see a lot more frustrated drivers on the road where I am. I think that most of it comes from frustration and stress. A lot of people might lose their jobs and/or have less income now, coupled with everything taking more of their time (shopping, kids) and I think that their feelings bubble over in their day-to-day interactions with other people.

I don't think it's one or the other.

Those who are prone to take their stress out on others tend to have ramped that up. Those that sort of retreat into themselves are more likely to have done that.

I think polite people have stayed the same, but rude people have got ruder.

You didn’t explain yourself, just made an assumption she would know what you we’re talking about.

“You don't need to go downstairs“ should have been - “if you are looking for toilets the nearest are that way”.

You also have no idea what was going on for her. Maybe she had an emergency (toilet) situation and didn’t want to risk chatting to someone. Or she just wanted space away from people.

Plus we are all sick of being told what to do, all these new rules. And some people are very judgemental, so what if she wasn’t wearing a mask, what’s it got to do with you?

Definitely ruder. I work in a hotel and there's far more rude guests that will complain about the tiniest thing than before lockdown. Someone tried to throw a kettle at the reception manager at the weekend because it wasn't working - there's just no need for that level of rudeness

That sounds like a misunderstanding; how was she to know you were talking about the toilets. Although in general I find them ruder; I have a baby and toddler so we take up more room and I feel like people expect me to stay inside and that’s not even at shops as I don’t take them both to the shops if I can avoid it

People are scared and under pressure, and that manifests as rudeness often.

I went to my local library and the person behind me walking in had no mask on. The woman on the 'greeting desk' said (rudely) that there was no entrance without a mask. The woman behind me said (rudely) that she was exempt. They both exchanged a few more heated words before the woman barged past the employee and carried on with her library visit. However, from outside the conversation you could clearly see that both parties were scared. One was scared of having a customer-facing job and risking Covid every day. The other was scared of not being believed and having to justify herself to strangers. It just felt sad and isolating and frightening on their behalfs.

ReneeRol and Shastabeast, I guess you're right. I blurted out the first thing I thought of, because I was anxious to call after her before she got out of hearing – I knew it would take her 5 minutes to get to the toilets the way she was going, when it was only about 1 minute the shorter way.

It was more the other woman who got me down - having no idea what was being said, she just assumed totally out of the blue that I was being obnoxious.

Contrmary, good point. Maybe people are politer walking in a suburban park, where they're relaxed (and maskless), and ruder in a busy town centre.

Much, much ruder.

During the last lock down me and the kids were on our 1 hour walk and while walking down an alley which is a shortcut near our house, we were basically 2 steps away from the end when a guy on a bike going the other day rode past without stopping so we had to turn sideways and press against the wall and he still brushed against me and I shouted (not even shouted but I raised my voice as was annoyed) that he could have waited and we would have been through in seconds. And he just stared at me....then said he was sorry. And i felt soooooo bad I've had anxiety over it ever since. Even though he could have bloody waited! My mental health is fucked I've never suffered with it before but that incident seemed to cause me real anxiety for some reasons. I'm not one to randomly shout at people usually.

The other way*