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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yet another how to split a bill one...

28 replies

MyNameForToday1980 · 02/11/2020 11:25

Note: at the point the below happened our meet-up abided by Lockdown restrictions.

I went for lunch with two school friends over the summer.

Each friend brought their children (one teen, three pre-teens in total). I brought my child.

We ordered 4 adult meals, and 4 children's meals (+ puddings/drinks/etc.).

I offered to split it three ways (despite having one less meal). Not a big deal, it all evens-out over years of friendship.

When the bill came one of my friends said that she wasn't going to pay the 12% service charge. When the other friend asked why, it's because she didn't want to (in her own words she was "too cheap").

I felt slightly uncomfortable with this, because I'd agree with withholding service charge if the service was bad, but it was fine (just standard, nothing special, nothing awful).

So first friend paid her bit (1/3 + service charge)
Second friend jumped in to pay per bit (1/3 - service charge) - and then left quickly as her youngest was getting moany.

Then I, like an utter mug, paid the rest. It wasn't a huge amount of money (standard family restaurant, think Wagamamas). But I felt like if you're going to make a stand, and not pay service, the least you can do is to tell the waiter, or pay last, or whatever, so the person paying last isn't put in a position.

You may think "why didn't you just say something?" - but it's because I DIDN'T want to look "cheap"... and I told myself it's a tenner, whatever...

But a couple of months on, AIBU to still feel a bit pissed off about it (not majorly pissed off, but a bit grumpy)?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2020 11:30

I assumed that you had to pay that service charge if it's added on to the bill? (although I don't know that for sure) I'd be pissed about that too though OP especially when she left you to either look like the stingy one or pay her share

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 02/11/2020 11:32

I would have said each mother pays for herself and her child(ren). No need to split the bill at all, that way everybody pays service (and tips if they want to).

Haven't read your post yet OP... going back to read what you did now.

Fearicecream · 02/11/2020 11:32

This is the reason I’m glad I have to friends to go out with. This is the second post I’ve seen today about quibbling over eating out with friends 😂
YANBU!

RedskyAtnight · 02/11/2020 11:33

Was it a mandatory or a suggested service charge?

If mandatory, then friend should have paid it, unless she was genuinely unhappy with the service, in which case she should have raised it at the time and got the service charge knocked off.

If optional, then you should just pay (or not) your third.

As a side issue, which restaurant serves children's meals that are big enough for pre-teens?

SpeccyLime · 02/11/2020 11:33

Yanbu, your friend was being a cf and should be ashamed

SnuggyBuggy · 02/11/2020 11:35

Learn from it and do separate bills next time. Splitting sometimes works and other times doesn't.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 02/11/2020 11:35

Did she ask the server to take off the service charge for her third? Otherwise I assume it would have been automatically added.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 02/11/2020 11:36

Service charge is outrageous. I usually only eat out, 2 or 3 of us and ALWAYS get it taken off. I will then leave a tip if the service is great.

I don't why restaurants do this, the hospitality industry is in crisis this year. Why not just price the food properly to take account of all overheads? I'd definitely prefer that. One price per menu item.

Original poster
MyNameForToday1980 · 02/11/2020 11:37

@RedskyAtnight

Was it a mandatory or a suggested service charge?

If mandatory, then friend should have paid it, unless she was genuinely unhappy with the service, in which case she should have raised it at the time and got the service charge knocked off.

If optional, then you should just pay (or not) your third.

As a side issue, which restaurant serves children's meals that are big enough for pre-teens?

Ha, good point, I pre-teened them for anonymity purposes, they were max. 7 all primary school age.
OP posts:
Original poster
MyNameForToday1980 · 02/11/2020 11:38

@Fearicecream

This is the reason I’m glad I have to friends to go out with. This is the second post I’ve seen today about quibbling over eating out with friends 😂 YANBU!
Ha, this is what pains me, I'm really un-quibbly, hence offering the simple 1.3 split. And also why I just paid it. It always makes me wince when people quibble of bills.
OP posts:
Youandmeareluckytobeus · 02/11/2020 11:43

Yes, YABU to still be harbouring bad feelings about this. You should have said something at the time (or just afterwards) and moved on.

Floralnomad · 02/11/2020 11:46

You should have all just paid for your own / childs meal rather than split the bill . YABU to still be harping on about it now as if it was that aggravating you should have said something at the time . FWIW I don’t pay service charge unless it’s mandatory as I’d rather just tip as applicable .

BooFuckingHoo2 · 02/11/2020 11:47

Who ate the fourth adult meal?

Original poster
MyNameForToday1980 · 02/11/2020 11:47

@Youandmeareluckytobeus

Yes, YABU to still be harbouring bad feelings about this. You should have said something at the time (or just afterwards) and moved on.
Yeah, I suspected this is where I'd be unreasonable, like I either suck it up, or I don't.
OP posts:
Original poster
MyNameForToday1980 · 02/11/2020 11:47

@BooFuckingHoo2

Who ate the fourth adult meal?
The teen.
OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 02/11/2020 11:49

It's her choice not to pay the service charge. If she doesn't it's not up to you to make it up.

Agree that restaurants should set prices to include all overheads. Plenty of other low paid workers don't get tips so I don't see what's special about waiting tables.

YANBU to be annoyed by this, but you should also recognise your position of privilege. Many people can't afford to say 'it's only a tenner, no big deal' consider somewhere like Wagamama not a huge amount of money, or accept that it all evens out over years of friendship, because it rarely does - big eaters remain big eaters, light drinkers and eaters generally stay that way, and plenty of people can afford to eat out if they can control what they order, but not if they're expected to split the bill with people spending more than they are.

Maybe its time to speak up and ask for separate bills so you can pay for what you had and let people decide whether they want to pay the optional service charge.

SBTLove · 02/11/2020 11:49

She got off cheap! Each person just pays for themselves, especially when it covers an extra adult meal for their teen.

TurquoiseDragon · 02/11/2020 11:51

@SnuggyBuggy

Learn from it and do separate bills next time. Splitting sometimes works and other times doesn't.
This is what I would do, then you are all responsible for your own tips.

Splitting the bill can work sometimes, when you all tend to order meals, etc of similar value.

It doesn't work when you have pisstakers who order high value stuff expecting everyone else to suck up paying more than is fair to subsidise their order, or when you have a disagreement over tipping, as here.

Decide what you are going to do next time and be upfront about it from the start so there's no arguments.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 02/11/2020 11:51

Your friend is a dick—some people go through life acting like this, and if nobody stands up to them they’ll keep doing it. If you want to keep seeing them, then I would tell them in no uncertain terms that they either pay their full portion of the bill (including service) or they shouldn’t bother showing up. I would have absolutely no time for a person like this.

Original poster
MyNameForToday1980 · 02/11/2020 11:56

@BarbaraofSeville

It's her choice not to pay the service charge. If she doesn't it's not up to you to make it up.

Agree that restaurants should set prices to include all overheads. Plenty of other low paid workers don't get tips so I don't see what's special about waiting tables.

YANBU to be annoyed by this, but you should also recognise your position of privilege. Many people can't afford to say 'it's only a tenner, no big deal' consider somewhere like Wagamama not a huge amount of money, or accept that it all evens out over years of friendship, because it rarely does - big eaters remain big eaters, light drinkers and eaters generally stay that way, and plenty of people can afford to eat out if they can control what they order, but not if they're expected to split the bill with people spending more than they are.

Maybe its time to speak up and ask for separate bills so you can pay for what you had and let people decide whether they want to pay the optional service charge.

And you know what, at that exact time the £10 WAS a big deal for me, I was between jobs (having been a contractor, looking for a permanent role) - so although I had confidence that it was the sort of sum that I wouldn't remember in a year's time - I still do remember it. So that proved me wrong.

And you're right, I didn't mean to be insensitive.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 02/11/2020 11:56

Well, hopefully next time you will all pay separately? I don't get this splitting stuff all the time when you clearly have had different amounts/requirements.

In Germany it is absolutely normal to pay for what you ordered and then add your own tip or not.

switswooo · 02/11/2020 12:00

YANBU. So the friend who didn’t want to pay service charge left as well or did she just sit there?

We had truly terrible service in a restaurant in Soho nice (not cheap), and my friend didn’t want to pay the 15% service charge but she asked us all hat we thought first, then she spoke to the manager and explained why. She wasn’t a coward who dumped and ran.

buzz91 · 02/11/2020 12:00

I went out with 4 friends a few months ago, one had to leave before the bill so one of the others paid their share too. The optional service charge was on the Bill, the food was good, the service good and we stayed a good while, what I felt would deem a tip. We split the Bill, they all paid theirs to the exact penny ignoring the service charge/any kind of tip. It made me quite uncomfortable tbh, I paid about 3/4 of the service charge myself. I didn’t mention anything as I didn’t realise they weren’t tipping until they started stating how much they were paying to the server. Some people just don’t tip unfortunately, it can be financial or just how they were raised.

Viviennemary · 02/11/2020 12:03

I'd have been furious. When your friend complained about the service charge and refused to pay it you should have said let's ask for separate bills then. It's really cheeky leaving you embarrassed and out of pocket.

Shoxfordian · 02/11/2020 12:07

There wouldn't be a next time for me
She's totally out of order

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