Lending baby stuff

[Groveparkmama]

We have an 8 month old baby and my sister is due a baby in early March. There is an expectation that I will lend all our baby stuff to my sister. The thing is, we plan on having another child and I would rather keep all our baby stuff safe to use for a second child. I have bought nice quality things and have taken good care of them. I guess I’m concerned (particularly with clothes) that it will be hard for my sister to remember which stuff came from us. Also, our (hopeful) second child will then have third hand stuff rather than second hand stuff. Am I being too precious?

Imo do not lend out anything you want back.
Post use wash and pack away. Any cf asking for your stuff just say sorry it's packed away for dc 2 and don't give it a second thought...

YANBU it’s your baby stuff there is no unwritten law that says you must share your baby stuff. Keep everything until your definitely sure you are done having children.

Don't lend her anything you want to keep for your next baby.

This has been done a million times on MN. Don’t lend anything you want back- clothes do get damaged and worn out. There may be a few items of equipment you could lend on the express understanding that you want them back?

It’s perhaps a little awkward but you simply need to stand firm about anything you don’t want to lend and say you need it for your next child. She can buy stuff very cheaply anyway.

From your sisters point of view, it's a massive hassle when people lend you things for a baby, it's impossible to keep track of what belongs to who - you'll be doing her a favour if you just give her the stuff you don't want to keep, the keep the stuff you do.

Just mention you aren’t finished with using the items. Maybe offer to lend/ give her some clothes you aren’t particularly bothered by etc.
What things is she expecting and why?
Most people want to buy their own pram, cot, toys etc 🤷🏼‍♀️

You only lend if you don't expect to have items returned. You paid for it, you don't owe it to anyone. If they planned to have a baby then they are more than capable of buying their own items to provide for their own child as you did.

What has the CF said, OP?

My sister offered to borrow me any of the baby stuff she had, she gave me clothes she didn't want back which was fine, I still offered them back when I was finished with them.

The equipment like bouncer, high chair etc went back in the same condition but much cleaner than when I borrowed them.

She isn't planning on having another child but has kept them 'just in case' so maybe it's different with us.

Don't lend anything you want back clotheswise. We gave some we had spare, but not expecting back.

Just have a word with her. Make sure she knows that you won't be lending, regardless of what the rest of the family say.

Lending baby clothes is a fool’s errand.

Keep them until you no longer want or need them, then give them away.

Just say you’re planning another baby so won’t be lending anything.

There is an expectation that I will lend all our baby stuff to my sister

Who has this expectation? If its your sister then you need to explain that you are going to hang onto all your equipment for the potential second baby. If she says "oh, I'll give it back to you before then" say something like "No, I've seen that cause too many problems when things get damaged/mixed up/end up being needed by both people at the same time. We need to stick to our own baby stuff - in the long, we'll be glad we did."

If it's not your sister with this "expectation" then either ignore them or tell them once that it's none of their business and then refuse to engage.

If you are going to resent damage to your baby things don't lend them. I would just say that as parents of babies in this day and age reusing and recycling would seem to me to be essential. Your next baby won't notice any minor damage and your sister will be given or buy some new things to add into the pot. Babies don't wear things out, they grow out of them. I had a dd and a DS and passed things on to my sister who then had 3 DC before lots of things came back to us for my third. It was rather lovely to feel they had been made the most of.

It’s fine to keep your stuff for your next child. Lots of clothes that make it to a second child are pretty ropey by the third.

Borrowing is a nightmare, too. Impossible to keep track of what is from who, and too much worry about ruining it.

I wish people would stop talking about "lending" stuff when what they actually mean is "giving". So rude.

Keep the stuff. It belongs to you, you're not finished with it. When you no longer want it, give it away or sell it.

Who is giving you this expectation? If it is your mum please ignore her. It my be that your sister doesn’t even want them. Do not lend (really it means give) your baby items unless you want to.

I lent my DS all my baby clothes up to 6 months, plus a number of baby items. They barely said thank you. I spotted a load of my baby items being sold online! When I got pregnant 6 months (not years later) I didn’t get a single item back. This was a pain in the arse as I was going to go shopping when I started my mat leave at the beginning of April and I couldn’t because of lockdown and everywhere apart from expensive shops where sold out online so I had to muddle through with the very limited baby items I had and rebuy stuff off of Marketplace, etc

What exactly does she want to borrow?

If she has her eye on anything in particular I.e an outfit or sling tell her YOU borrowed it from a friend so can't lend it to her.

I think it’s fine for you to keep it for your second baby. I wouldn’t lend anything I wanted back for fear that it would be damaged etc, and I don’t think that is unreasonable. You’re allowed to prioritise your own future children even if they’re only theoretical at this point.

You are not being unreasonable at all. For a start all baby clothes get washed that often, that by the time they’ve been through two babies, they’re not fit to be worn.

I would just tell her you’ll be using it yourself. Or if you struggle with telling her that, can’t you tell her you’ve lent everything to a friend.

My DM was surprised when I said I wouldn’t be lending any of our baby stuff to my DSis. I explained that DH and I paid for everything we bought for DD and didn’t have any help or anything lent to us. DSis is in a similar financial position to us so can afford to buy things same as we did.

Why should she benefit from everything we’ve bought? I know that is a very tight fisted way of looking at it but we’re not overly close and she’s hardly been interested in DD since she was born so I’m not too bothered.

Don’t lend out anything you’d like for your second baby. I’ve been surprised how many items haven’t made it through both of my children as I put a lot away after my first. Some stuff is immaculate and will be passed on but my favourites have been worn to death or a lot of them have been stained. I think I was less careful with child no.2 with bibs, access to pens etc. I’ve also had fewer clothes than I was expecting as quite a lot of elastic degraded (annoyingly) so have needed to re-buy some basics.