I am very confused on what to do, and I was hoping to, maybe get a clear picture if this is a normal situation and maybe I am exaggerating? I can speak about it with anyone I know because I don't want to be in a position where they will hate my husband, as I have not decided what to do.
It is just getting to a situation where we fight really ugly fights every weekend. I always tell him to stop so the kids wont be present, but nothing. Anything can trigger it. It ends up with him calling me a variety of names, using the word F*, alot. I can say I am innocent and I dont answer back, but I don't swear. I did say words like idiot. I have two small children, I am alone in the country and limited friends. I do have a good job, and we have our own place. He and I have threatened each other endless number of times to get a divorce. Time and time again. I am afraid to do that, as he has family here, and I am afraid that my children will be withdrawn from me, as in they will pull to his side and I will end up having to fight for them and maybe they won't want to be with me. The idea of a step father mother ect, is just scary to me. I won't be able to take care of them when they are not with me, and they are my world. I dont want to put them through this, and I am so sacred. I don't know what to do....even if I did want to leave him I don't know where, how. I dont want to leave the house and remove the children from their home.
But I just can't take it anymore. Even as I type here, I am sitting in a car park, where we all came to attend a birthday party, I bought the present and the card. Out-of nowhere he just started being mean and hurtful to me, so I said I am not going in, and I left him with the kids at the party. He was swearing at me at the car park ..I am so embarrassed. Last week he was swearing at me ar the entrance of the house. Calling all sorts. Psycho, bitch,ect.
He makes me feel so bad and he always blames me. For every thing really, even for things that are out of my control he blames me.
Yesterday he was so angry I didn't come up to be with him in bed he was again being mean to me. Like I have to sleep with him just because there was an opportunity to do so.
I am trying and trying but it is getting to that stage where, I am asking myself is this all worth it. I take care of the kids and the house, he doesn't do much at all. Complains all the time, he is on his phone most of the time too, so he is not very active.
He is nice to me when he wants sex. That is all really, other times we are on different plants, we don't spend much time together, like to watch a film. unless it is for sex really, and even that is only after I can feel I cam trust him again. He says he loved me, gives me complaints, ect.
shortly after, there it is again.. the bad atmosphere, I am suffering. What to do? He won't leave the house. That is not going to happen ..he is not a bad person, I just don't think he is right for me so much. Maybe after all these years the relationship has got to the end.. ?