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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My neighbour is a nightmare

20 replies

daschundadorer · 01/11/2020 10:33

I’ve not posted about this before but have seen similar - I’ll try to be as honest as possible and not leave anything out.

I have two dogs. New Dog (ND) we got at the start of lockdown as a middle aged rescue dog (we agreed to adopt in Jan but admin took time). Original Dog (OD - younger) was always well behaved, goes out to the loo, only barks at the door bell.
ND is more reactive, I’m going to list a comprehensive list of times each barks:

  • someone coming to the door. ND is very good at hearing, she will hear and watch the door WAY before someone even comes to the front gate. She’s never been wrong - great guard dog. Total barking is around 10 seconds, I always stop ND as her voice is yappy
  • animals in our garden, ie a cat, fox etc. If they see one they’ll bark until it goes or until I pick them up. This happens maybe every month or two as the animals avoid showing themselves due to dogs
  • when a fox goes down the side of our garden (not visible) / bats in neighbours trees. This is only ever ND, OD doesn’t pick up the scent as well. We learned of ND’s reactivity quickly and now know what time the foxes come and go out in the garden with her, she may bark once or twice a week for less than 5 seconds if I don’t get my shoes on quick enough.

I personally don’t think this amount of barking is unreasonable or unheard of. We live in one of the most dog friendly towns in UK. More people have dogs in this area than not, every shop allows them in and the mini Tesco has a little dog house to tie them up in for people popping in. Dogs bark on the street regularly, I don’t notice it as it’s normal and like the birds making noise, we also live on a flight path so you tune the noise out.

Next door is two flats. One neighbour is an elderly man. His behaviour has become odd and provocative. He has an alarm he puts on when he thinks the dogs will go out, like a normal human wake up alarm, the dogs don’t register it but I realised he does it every time I go out in the garden (even without the dogs). He’s also started banging on my walls, when we are in complete silence... we were away the whole of August and had the dog camera on to monitor potential break ins etc. It has a noise detector when it notifies your phone, it went off now and then so I looked in to him banging on the walls (dogs were obviously not there). I asked the other flats what it was - they said it was dogs in the street barking but he just bangs on my walls.

He’s sensitive to all noise - for example, in the summer DH and I went into our garden for a glass of wine in the evening. We had no music playing, only general chit chat and was in normal social hours. We left the dogs inside as it’s when the foxes come out and didn’t want to have to focus on them. Neighbour came out and I started hearing a brushing against the fence, mimicking the noise the foxes make but was obviously not them. DH stood up and looked over the fence to the neighbour making the noise and then shouting at us for being loud. We said it’s early evening in the summer, we are just talking in our garden and have every right to that. I realised he was trying to make the dogs react to get them to bark, so that he could say something. He does this a lot.

He also has these issues with his flat neighbours, if they walk too loudly for his liking etc he complains and he also gave them a curfew of when they can be out of bed (not joking...) he’s banned them from going to the toilet at night time as it wakes him up. He’s not their landlord and doesn’t own any of the properties.

He’s known as difficult on the street. I’ve always been pleasant but I’ve had enough. I’m scared to go into my garden and feel like he’s always watching me. He’s threatened me before and has been racist towards me.

I don’t know what to do! I can report it to the police but that wouldn’t do much and would cause issues when we come to sell if he’s still alive.

Sorry it’s so long!

OP posts:
Poppyhopscotch · 01/11/2020 10:57

That sounds awful!! Poor you! I have dogs too and I think the amount of barking you've listed is absolutely not unreasonable. I know it's difficult but I would try to continue as normal and not let it stop you living your life normally. I would suggest logging all of his weird activity incase at some point you do want to log with non emergency police. Good luck x x

popcornlover · 01/11/2020 11:37

I don’t mind the sound of dogs barking, and yours sound like they are not excessive. He’s an old guy though, and seems a bit harsh to report him. Does he live alone? Maybe make friends with him and keep him company and then he’ll soften a bit hopefully.

Prancingponies · 01/11/2020 11:51

Did you not read the bit where he's been racist towards her, @popcornlover?

alliwanttodoiseatcarbs · 01/11/2020 11:57

So it's ok to be racist as long as you're an elderly racist?

Do you have any idea on how long you plan to live there op? As I think I would probably contact the police.

thosetalesofunexpected · 01/11/2020 12:52

Wow WTF @popcornlover are you for real or something ???
Op very weird next door neighbour has said racist remarks to her and threatened her, and you think she should go out of her way to be friend him cause he may be bit lonely !!!
I think Op you need to take notes,document any kind of Anti -social behavior of your next door neighbour, even remarks, comments he makes and the dates ,times this happened, and also make you have allways video Audio recordings on your mobile phone acting Anti social to you and your husband and of when his anti social to your next door neighbours too, encourage them to video recordings on their mobile tels, so build up a case,
Also tell your local council office by tel call or visit them to inform them that your next door neighbour is a nightmare and you need help
You need to tel the police on non emergency tel 101 that you have been threatened and had a racist remark and you find his your next neighbour behaviour threatening and intimidating frightening,
This is seen now by the Uk Law and the Police as a Hate racial crime
This should be taken seriously your next door neighbour behaviour as its so unreasonable and quite nasty !

AliBear90 · 01/11/2020 12:58

Is it possible he’s suffering with some sort of Alzheimer’s? And that’s why his behaviour has become so odd, or has he been like this a long time? Do family visit that may be open to discuss the behaviour with you and maybe they can talk to him about it especially the racism.

Laserbird16 · 01/11/2020 13:04

Perhaps the barking one isn't your ND.

I'm so sorry he was racist to you. How awful.

I think I get a sticker for this but does he have dementia? My parents' neighbour became more and more odd. She was always odd but dementia amplified her strange behaviour. Does he have a relative you know of? Or social services involved.

I don't know what to suggest apart from follow the channels you would for a nusiance neighbour.

dontdisturbmenow · 01/11/2020 13:05

animals in our garden, ie a cat, fox etc. If they see one they’ll bark until it goes or until I pick them up. This happens maybe every month or two as the animals avoid showing themselves due to dogs
What about squirrels? I don't know about animals wandering in gardens because of dogs and you say yourself you do get fixed regularly.

Most yappy dogs I know will bark when they see squirrels so quite often.

In the end, either you are reporting a fair summary of how often tour dogs bark and he is unreasonable or you are, as common to dog owners, so used to it, you are underestimating how often they do bark.

popcornlover · 01/11/2020 13:10

@Prancingponies

Did you not read the bit where he's been racist towards her, *@popcornlover*?
Well the way to tackle that would be to prove him wrong wouldn’t it? Kindness and getting to know people goes a long way. I think you all need to take into account his age. You’ll all be old one day, and you also won’t like how the world has changed, nor all the noise from neighbours who have families when you’re by yourself making next to no noise. You’ll undoubtedly make remarks that are deemed unacceptable. That’s what old people do, and try to have some respect for that fact they have seen a lot more than you.

Try to see a problem from the other person’s point of view if you want to solve it. Take my word, anyone reporting an old man like this is going to look wicked.

thosetalesofunexpected · 01/11/2020 13:12

Hi Op I think your next door neighbour has very serious personality disorders and possible extreme mental health disorders, my childrens father had issues with his nextdoor neighbours his house has almost paper thin walls can even hear someone flushing the toilet next door, my children's father thought they next doors neighbours, were deliberately going out their way,making everyday reasonable noises such as flushing the toilet DIY, etc cause they wanted to just piss him off a bit,

As you might have properly guessed my children's father has severe mental disorders such as schitzenphernia and maniac depressions episodes,paranoia,
My children's father ended up threatening his next door neighbour with a hammer,
Op you definitely need to do something to address this issue with next door neighbour, just cause he is elderly and has proberely, well certainly undiagnosed severe mental disorders on the spectrum it does not give him a right to make yours or anybodys lives a living nightmare !
Still can't get believe that @popcornlovers nonsensical remark, how on earth is it possible to want to or be,friend someone who mistreats Op in this way,
Next door neighbour of Op is seriously unhinged ,He even complains if any next door neighbours uses the toilets as toilets makes a noise when you flush it and he puts a curfew on other next doors neighbours when they should be at bed home time
You can not reason with someone like that at All.

DryRoastPeanut · 01/11/2020 13:24

This is so tough as I have a neighbour who’s dogs bark at every leaf that blows down our street. It’s really annoying to hear a dog bark when you don’t have a dog yourself. So I do understand why your neighbour gets upset at your dog barking.
That said, his behaviour mimicking the fox and telling you to be quiet does seem bizarre, assuming you were being quiet. It’s amazing how many people think they are quiet when they are in fact very noisy.
My neighbour with the dogs thinks she’s the nicest neighbour on our street! Out of the 12 houses, she’s the worst, but she’ll never recognise that.

Would you consider pointing out to your neighbour that your dog will be an asset he doesn’t even know he has, as a protective dog like yours will be off putting to any intruder, not just burglars at your house.

I do understand both points here, as a neighbour without a dog it’s very annoying to be disturbed all day by barking dogs, but you do seem to have a weirdo neighbour too.
I know I’m going against all the other comments but it is very annoying to have a barking dog next door. You don’t notice it because it’s part of your everyday life. But you really should discourage your dogs from disturbing your neighbours.

thosetalesofunexpected · 01/11/2020 13:27

Popcorn lover it is not the op poster job or duty or responsible to have to do go out her way to help to alleviate possible her elderly man next door probs at all,
Op next door neighbour actions reflect he is way beyond that kind of help, this next door neighbour oof Op needs desperately the help of social services and the mental team trust me I know all about this as he sounds like my children's father
By Op getting authorities involved sooner or later he will the next door neighbour will get this health

Op please get in touch with social services the mental health team, to start to get help for this next door neighbour he is desperately crying out for it you are doing him a favour in long term for him and for yourself and the rest of your next door neighbours
Do not put up with kind of Anti social behaviour Any longer.

Ignore the bull shit attitude of @popcornlover and others like her
They have not experienced this and do not know what it is like Clueless !

TheChristmasPrincess · 01/11/2020 13:41

Just ignore him as best as you can. I know that it’s not easy but you shouldn’t be intimidated by this person. You are allowed to socialise in your own garden, his other neighbours are allowed to go to the bathroom when they want. Be respectful of course, but don’t let him stop you living your life.

I would start recording a log of any negative interactions you have with him. Even simple things like him trying to wind your dogs up. Encourage your neighbours to do the same. Being old isn’t an excuse to be nasty or racist (despite what people may think). If he ever has any relatives or care workers that visit him I would tell them what he’s doing and state that you are keeping a log (especially in regards to racist remarks). We had to do this with our neighbour. His son was mortified when we informed he swore at me and told me to “keep my f*ing baby quiet at night”. His son had a few words with his father and after this he completely blanked me.

At worse, you might have to report it to the council or the police. Take a look at this page. Citizen’s advice have some good suggestions (www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/housing/problems-where-you-live-s/neighbour-disputes/neighbour-disputes/noise-abusive-behaviour/

NetflixWatcher · 01/11/2020 13:44

That sounds awful OP. Could he have alzheimers? My neighbours used to lock their 2 dogs on their garden shed when they went out and they would bark the whole time until they got home, often for hours. I reported them! But it sounds like your dogs are doing nothing wrong. Dogs do bark occasionally after all.

NetflixWatcher · 01/11/2020 13:45

In, not on.

Pipandmum · 01/11/2020 13:57

Is he a. Council tenant or private? Report him to hos landlord. You have the right to enjoyment of your home, and he is preventing that.
I don't think he's as mentally ill as other posters have made out, he just sounds like a complete jerk.

IndieTara · 01/11/2020 14:51

Op
My rescue dog sounds very like yours but barks at anything in the garden, birds in the garden or flying overhead , squirrels, people walking down the side of the garden, other dogs he can hear.
I have to limit his time in the garden

Ohtherewearethen · 01/11/2020 17:33

@popcornlover - nope, sorry. Your ridiculous attempt at backing up your earlier comment doesn't work I'm afraid. There is a whole generation of older people who are not racist and never have been. Telling the OP she needs to respect an old racist's views is utterly abhorrent of you. Living a long time and the world changing around you does not make someone a racist. He's likely always been a nasty racist, the only difference now is that he's an old racist.
OP, your situation sounds intolerable. If he rents can you get the landlord or HA involved? Otherwise I think you have no option but to phone the police or try to move before it gets to the stage where you have to make a formal complaint and therefore inform prospective buyers.

namechangeforfriday · 01/11/2020 17:40

@popcornlover you’re being ridiculous. Age is no excuse to be a c*nt, and racism is inexcusable. If he has mental health issues or dementia - which we don’t even know that he does - then yes that would explain his behaviour and reporting him would hopefully get him the help that he needs. If he doesn’t, and he is in fact just a nasty, racist piece of work, then he deserves a telling off/ASBO/community order, whatever they do about anti social behaviour these days. I think the fact that literally no one agreed with you shows that they will not look ‘wicked’ if they take action

isadoradancing123 · 01/11/2020 20:44

Age is no excuse and he is known on the street for being awkward, do not obey any of his stupid demands

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