to be angry with dh that he doesn't go out and blames me?

[laurliemonkey]

this has happened four times now, dh asks if i want to go out one night, i say no ( i dislike clubbing at the best of times) and he says,'no, i can't be arsed either'. cue entrance of mates, 'coming out tonight'.
response? every time'. 'nah, wife doesn't want to'. grrrr. i can feel my blood pressure rising.

yes that's annoying!

YANBU!!! Next time he says it to his mates, speak loudly in the background that it's not your fault and that he is actually aloud to go out without you holding his hand (or words to that effect).

He probably doesn't want to go out either but cant think of a valid excuse to palm his mates off with so instead he passes the buck on to you! Most men are too cowardly to just say "nah, i cant be arsed".

[rolls eyes]

Well, why don't you just yell - No, it's fine, you go out, you deserve to enjoy yourself, bye love...

yanbu
sounds like you're both over the clubbing thing but he's too gutless to tell his mates he'd rather stay home with you so blames 'her indoors'

I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've not heard DH do it in front of me (I have dark suspicions though) but I HATE that partners/wives are used as a lazy, shitty excuse for not being man enough to stand up to his mates.

It stinks. It's cowardly, its dishonest and it just puts me in a plain bad mood.

PS I might be over-reacting a little here...I wouldn't necessarily suggest you take it up with your DH on those terms

BUT I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And any man I catch doing it will be forced to go out clubbing until fecking dawn the next day and for two days after if I get my way.

dooley 1- you're completely right- ALL his mates are single.

and when i do try and tell him 'no, go out' then he thinks he's gonna get bollocked later for doing it.

Bah.

You're not his mummy, you're his missus. If he decides he'd rather be with you and doesn't fancy getting rat arsed, why doesn't he just say so???

he's a cowardly custard!!

that would really annoy me to be blamed too, next time say in front of his mates 'I don't want to go but DH does' therefore forcing him into it

blardy men

[rolls eyes]

I hate that! 'My wife won't let me". I find it odd that any adult needs permission from their partner to do anything.

ok - do you bitch at him if he goes out?

hang on hang on

Maybe he doesn't WANT to go out
but he doesn't want his mates to think he has become an old fogey just because he has kids, so he takes the easy option and just says that

my dh plays darts with the OFFICE MANAGER where i work. although he isn't my manager - he is indeed high ranking wanky person.

so he tells the manager he can't go out he is going out with me.

but doesn't tell me this excuse

and i always get caught out becuase i can't LIE

OrmIrian - are you sure you mean that?

I'm forever asking for my partner's opinion before making decisions. We share a life, therefore it is only courtesy to ask one another before taking decisions.

However, I completely agree with the posters that it is a case of male cowardice in the OP's case.

mytwopenceworth- honestly, i don't. it means i get a long bath and chocolate and sappy film on the telly- why would i moan?

Then he hasn't got a leg to stand on. Grass him up to his mates.

lol! i wouldn't hesitate to blame "him indoors" if it gave all parties a face-saving excuse to get out of something... i suppose it depends whether there is any come back on you though, e.g. him blaming you (for real as opposed to an excuse for his mates), the mates taking the piss and him agreeing iyswim.

Yes I do anna. Asking for an opinion is not the same as asking for permission. I 'allow' my children to do things, not my husband.

I think it's one and the same, personally.

Is my partner asking my permission or my opinion when he asks whether he can have friends over for dinner next Saturday?

Asking whether he 'can' have friends over is asking for permission. Saying 'shall we' have friends over is asking an opinion.

Having said that, DH doesn't exactly ride roughshod over my feelings. I can trust him to basically know what is an what isn't acceptable. And vice versa.

Sure, after a few years together one gets a pretty good picture of how one's other half is going to react .

Still, I do think I am constantly checking that my partner is OK with my actions, when I have the slightest doubt that he would be OK - so in that sense, I am always asking permission, and so is he. And that's fine and the way I want it to be.

Men -

DH goes out to play sport once a week, and his mates always stay out late, he relies on me phoning him to say come home so he has an excuse to leave!

Queue MN roasting over why I continue to phone him!

update- i texted his best mate, to say when are you all next going out, and make sure dh does too. the next night, they are all going out. husband starts with the 'but the wife routine' and best mate drags him out. result- long bath, nice book, glass of wine. brilliant