To really not enjoy my ds11 company

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

My son can be a sweetheart. He’s funny, kind and so smart.

But 90% of the time he’s rude, argumentative, grumpy and overreacts to everything. If he gets called out for being rude he turns into a massive victim and we “are all so mean to him and we hate him”.
He talks back constantly. He hates spending any time with us as family.

This evening we had sparklers etc in the garden and he was massively overreacting about holding one and then just stormed off because “it’s stupid”.

I hate spending time with him. We went to an event at a local castle today and he just moaned the whole time.

He just seems to see life as totally unfair and we all hate him. He’s told us he’s leaving 🙈

It’s really worrying me that he genuinely feels like we hate him when we obviously don’t. I spend as much time as possible one on one with him but it doesn’t seem to help, as soon as we are home or done he turns back into a Kevin.

Well I suppose the obvious question is does he want to do the activities you are doing and does he have any input into the planning?

Your post is a bit contradictory as you say he spoils events but then in the last bit you say once they are done he 'turns back to a Kevin'. Which is it?

He shouldn't be rude but also maybe you need to consider his needs and interests a bit more when deciding what to do?

He is 11. You are boring and you are trying too hard (I think according to him not me) it’s hard it’s the time in your life when you change from your child’s manager to their coach. It’s different for you and him. Mine is 10, on the way to 11 and is more 50:50 but the same and I hear a joy to everyone not from his household. They feel comfortable to be pissed off with you and fed up with their boring life with you. That means you are doing a fantastic bloody job, well done you.
I hear it doesn’t last forever and I wish I had advice as I would take it too.

No advice but my dd 12 is the same. It’s rubbish

He might not want to do the things you're trying to do 'for him'? Have you asked him what he would like to do?

I have 3 daughters, all very different. DD2 (13) told me a while ago, that half-term for her is just a chance to do nothing and recharge. She doesn't want us to 'do' things. She's quite happy just mooching at home.

My ds is very similar. Seems to absolutely hate us...I do unreasonable things like expect him to get dressed before midday...I also speak to him which really irritates him. Pick him up from football last week..."hi, how was it?". This was met with eye rolling and huffing and puffing about how I shouldn't speak to him

It's a confusing age. They think they should be grown up, but they're still little, really.

My ds is12, we went for a family walk the other afternoon, he walked ahead so it looked like he wasn’t with us I sang ‘All by myself’ to him. He laughs about it now but he wouldn’t have last year. I guess we have to just wait for these phases to pass

Standard 12-17 year old behaviour I think?

My dd became really 'horrible' around that age. Sounds like normal adolescent behaviour; thankfully she came out of it and at 16 is much better company. Hang in there.
I did ask her once why she had been so awful to me and not others, and
she said it was because she knows I love her (i.e. she felt secure enough to not worry about rejection). It didn't excuse her rudeness but gave me a small insight into how her mind was working.