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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Covid Christmas should I agree to Travel to in laws

17 replies

SelenaSafari · 31/10/2020 21:13

DH and I have been together 17 years, his parents and family live in Denmark, where cases are low. We have spent Christmas with them every year, expect 2 years. Last year we didn't go, which made dh very sad, which I can understand as its the 2nd time of the year he usually sees his family. Anyway, we had planned to go there again this Christmas for 2 weeks, which is how long we usually stay. I have told DH that I'm really not comfortable travelling in the depths of winter with 4 dc, to mix and mingle with tons of relatives over that 2 week period. His view is that it is safer than here, as there are less cases, and he can't see my issue with it, including all the transmission risk that comes from travelling via plane - he seems to think airports are very safe, and it's safe when you get there. I'm very uncomfortable with it, and actually scared of taking the risk. He wants to book flights and accommodation, but I've said no, he says I'm being unreasonable, that he doesn't get to see his family, and his parents are old, so it might be the last Christmas, I remind him that any one of us could get covid and die and it isn't worth the risk. He says I'm unreasonable, and being in the UK is more dangerous, am I being unreasonable?
Thank you

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 31/10/2020 21:16

Tell him to go himself.

Ninkanink · 31/10/2020 21:17

No one’s unreasonable in this scenario.

Could he go on his own for a week?

Nottherealslimshady · 31/10/2020 21:18

Isn't he worried about you taking covid with you and making his parents ill? That would be my main concern.

TW2013 · 31/10/2020 21:21

I remind him that any one of us could get covid and die and it isn't worth the risk.

Or much more likely going from a higher rate country and if any of the four dc are in school, plus going through airport/plane, you pass it to his elderly parents. Is he happy with that risk?

SelenaSafari · 31/10/2020 21:23

He seems pretty blaze, and not worried about any of the 4 dc who are all in school carrying virus there...odd, I know.
He wants the inlaws to see the dc, and also wants to spend Christmas with us all together.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 31/10/2020 21:25

If you enjoy going, I would go. Can you compromise and go for a week?

SpeedofaSloth · 31/10/2020 21:27

I would go, if FCO advised travel by then.

throwaway100000 · 31/10/2020 21:28

Ask him if he feels comfortable with the idea of passing Covid onto his elderly parents or wider family. Could he really live with that risk? That he could possibly harm them? Even if you self isolate beforehand, Airports are inherently public so there’s no guarantee he wouldn’t catch anything en route.

The only way to protect them would be to quarantine for two weeks in Denmark surely? So he’d have to extend the holiday or else he wouldn’t even be able to see them.

MoseShrute · 31/10/2020 21:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Nanny0gg · 31/10/2020 21:30

Wait and see. Might not be able to travel anywhere

VampireVicki · 31/10/2020 21:48

If the November restrictions are still in force (likely) then you won't be able to go anyway.

He may be able to travel if he has a Danish passport? But would probably have to self isolate on return - could he do that? Would he go on his own?

Aside from that - YANBU.

GameSetMatch · 31/10/2020 21:49

See how things go, I wouldn’t be rushing to buy tickets and book hotels but I wouldn’t be against the idea either. I doubt everywhere will be booked up you can certainly leave it a month.

SelenaSafari · 31/10/2020 21:52

He is getting cross that I won't agree, and wants to book the flights and accommodation asap. Obviously, I don't appreciate being on the receiving end of his frustration, and him showing no attempt to understand my anxiety about movement. It won't just be the in laws, during the time we are there we will see up to 30 relatives. I know cases are low there but, there's no guarantee of where any of these relatives has been, whether they have been in contact with covid.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 31/10/2020 21:55

@Nanny0gg

Wait and see. Might not be able to travel anywhere
This. If we don't have covid under control in the UK, do you think the Danish will actually let you in without quarantining separately from your in-laws?

It's not your health and risk you need to be concerned about but the risk that you pose to others by travelling overseas.

shinynewapple2020 · 31/10/2020 21:56

I think with the current new lockdown and not knowing what's going to happen afterwards you can't really make any firm plans for this kind of thing . It looks as though the lockdown guidelines are to be that travel outside of work is to be discouraged. Obviously we don't know what will happen after that, perhaps agree to reconsider it at the beginning of December . Also we don't know what will be in place in Denmark.

Heyahun · 31/10/2020 22:09

Yeah it’s a stupid idea - husband and I want to see our families in Ireland for Christmas - but we won’t be going because we can’t think of any way that it will be totally safe! Husbands mum is quite elderly now

My parents aren’t too old - but I still don’t want to risk it!

I keep thinking I could catch it on the plane or the bus to their house or the train to airport - anywhere really and then essentially kill my bloody mother!

My husband did go on a trip by himself to his mum back in July when things were slightly calmer with COVID - she had fallen recently and needed some extra help around the house - I didn’t go as I felt I was just going to be an extra risk factor to her!

I’d tell your husband you and the kids are staying put and he can go alone

You can all visit next year

cactusdog · 31/10/2020 22:25

I think you're BU. There is such a low risk to you are especially DC and airports are safer than supermarkets.
However I'd be more worried about bringing it over and giving to to elderly in laws as pp's have said!

Just let him book it, it'll probably get cancelled anyway

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